What I’m Wearing…
* Short Burberry trench coat – It’s crazy that when I received this coat as a gift from my father in law way back in like 2006 or something, it was $995 (which I only know because I had to exchange it for a different size) – and now the same coat (with possible slight changes that came with newer releases) is now $1695 (at Burberry) and ( at $1765 at Net a Porter) I stand by investing in quality items that you can wear literally FOREVER, because this is proof, like so many other things in my closet… but it does happen to make it a little easier if they come in the form of gifts 😉 lol. MY ex-father in law was amazing at gifts.
* Checkered sweatshirt by Levi’s
* Rag & Bone jeans
* Old Skool Vans
* Hat is from Urban Outfitters from 100 years ago. It was my favorite. I wore it everywhere back in early 2000’s. It’s canvas and faded now, but it’s still such a great hat and more rounded on top than my velvet lieutenant’s hat that I’ve been wearing non-stop. This one is slightly more casual.
* Alexander Wang mini Rockie bag
* Barton Perreira Winette Gradient Cat-Eye Sunglasses
* Title: For You (Fifty Shades Freed) · Liam Payne · Rita Ora… In your eyes, I’m alive… Inside you’re beautiful… Something so unusual in your eyes… I know I’m home… Every tear, every fear…. Gone with the thought of you… Changing what I thought I knew
A few days into December I realized I was smack in the middle of a major burnout from pretty much everything. If burnout hits in one area, it kind of takes me down… but December always seems to be a time where I’m fighting with all that I know, so it seemed fairly normal… but this time I went into it positively rather than negatively, and had one of the best months of the year.
I rarely allow myself time off, though I do give myself moments here and there or a weekend every now and again, but time off and vacation? Rarely. In fact, the last real-ish vacation I took was back in 2012 and it was only to Palm Springs for a few days and it was mostly to see if Palm Springs was a viable place to live full time. It was not. Mostly because it was 100 degrees at midnight and unless we were in air conditioning or a body of water, we were quite miserable. So it was out.
And upon returning home, we found Lake Arrowhead, well, I did (to be honest, I’m not sure my ex ever really loved it up here, he was pretty quick to head back down to LA when we separated and has only been back up once) ANYWAY, Lake Arrowhead is so beautiful that my walks near the lake or in the forest often revive me in a way that vacation does, so I haven’t really needed one.
But December burnout hit hard and I allowed it.
I didn’t stop working, but I slowed down by 50-70% I think (maybe?) lol (it felt like a lot anyway) and mostly allowed for self-care and healing. Unfortunately I let my workouts go and also indulged in far too many holiday sweets, but other than that, I allowed for rest and relaxation and a little fun and it was nice. So nice, it’s been a bit difficult getting back into the swing of things. But that may be the case with everyone. We have super high hopes for being productive and “changing” come the New Year and then a few days in, the reality of the struggle sets in and we realize it’s just another day in another week in another month of another year and what does time mean anyway?
But I’m in a time of waiting now and there’s not much else I can do but be patient. I’m learning to settle into patience and am finding ways to practice it for the time being, but it still feels limiting and unproductive. It’s a practice in patience and patience in practice.
I’ve been enjoying quiet time for reflection and reading a lot of books and soaking up information like a sponge lately. I often go through research phases in life where I’m just learning and learning and thinking and figuring things out and then when I finally have filled up enough, the creative mode kicks in and I put all I’ve learned to use.
I’m waiting for that one now. I feel it coming on, but I’m resisting it I think. And I need to settle into it, but there are a few things I need to do first, like clean and declutter my house and donate and sell everything that I don’t want… and all of the ex’s stuff he left behind… and there is so much that it’s overwhelming and I’m avoiding it BIG TIME. In fact, I’ve been avoiding it for some time now. And part of me feels like I won’t be able to move on or move forward until I get rid of it all… but there’s just so much work involved and I know if I manage my time right and ask for a little help, I can do it, but I just don’t want to. Eventually though, I’m going to get to the point where I can’t stand it anymore and I just do it.
That time is coming soon. I can feel it.
I’ve been slowly cleaning up here and there and it feels good. The little corners of my house I’ve been neglecting have gotten a little love lately and they make me smile. That joy is propelling me to go to other little corners and and clean out and declutter and toss and it feels nice. lighter somehow… so even though I’m doing just a little bit at a time, slowly but surely it will get done and then BOOM I’ll have that day where I finish it all.
It’s like I’m finally giving energy back into the space I’m in after sort of ignoring it for a little while and I can feel the new energy swirling in my house again.
It’s still up in the air whether I’m going to stay or sell it, but I have until March to figure it out and I think the ignoring may have been my only defense against the hurt and sadness and frustration and possible resentment wrapped up in having to sell this house that I love or figuring out a way to buy out the ex, when now, all my money is tied up in Dogwood, which was supposed to be open last summer and is still not.
This is where all the patience has to come back or else I start spinning in circles but actually getting nowhere. But honestly, I’m grateful for it all, though it doesn’t mean I’m necessarily happy about it.
So I figure if I put the energy back into me and back into my house, only good things will come. It also finally feels good and right to do so. The time is now.
I find when I trust my instinct, I am never mislead.
The Number 12…
Lately I’ve been seeing the number 12 everywhere… and I mean everywhere. It pops up in movies I’m watching, books I’m reading, a random glance at the time, it’s everywhere. Now, generally I am a person who looks for symbols and clues as life’s serendipitous way of guiding me, but I’m not really that into numerology. However, I often see repeating numbers and associate them with a person or a special day, but the number 12 has literally zero associations for me except maybe the month of December. So I decided to just quickly look up what the number 12 signifies, and here’s what it said…
Number 12 represents the completed cycle of experience and when an individual reincarnates as the number 12 they have completed a full cycle of experience and learned of the possibility of regeneration toward a higher-consciousness. They belong to a group of developed souls who have accumulated an unusual inner-strength through many and varied lifetimes. They may still, however, be hindered by old habits that need to be changed. The soul then attracts what it needs as a learning experience. A reversal of negative thoughts can bring about very favourable and positive effects and can aid in achieving their goals and aspirations.
Number 12 warns of the necessity to be alert to every situation, to be suspicious of those who offer a high position, and to be aware of false flattery and those who use it to gain their own ends.
Number 12 represents the educational process on all levels, the submission of the will required and the sacrifice necessary to achieve knowledge and wisdom on both Spiritual and Intellectual levels. When the intellect is sacrificed to the feelings, the mind will be illuminated with the answers it seeks. Attention paid to requirements of education will end suffering and bring success. ~ From : Numerology – The Vibration and Meaning of NUMBERS
There is more, if you follow the link, but this rang so true to me that I teared up reading it. I can’t be sure it is the exact symbolism for the number and for me, but it sure lines up in so many ways right now it’s a little scary/beautiful.
12: 1 = Stay positive 2 = Keep the faith
I’m trying to, on both accounts, and always.
My mom shot these photos on Hwy 18 on the Rim of the World just outside the nursery and the lighting was so pretty it made me want to drive up there every day and shoot. We caught the golden hour before the sun went behind some clouds and made me almost look superimposed into the scenery. I promise I was really there 😉 My mom has been shooting my photos for almost two years now and she has gotten so good I can’t even believe it. I mean, I can believe it. My mom is really creative and artistic, even if she thinks she’s not, I think our photos together prove otherwise 😉
Happy Hump Day Lovecats!
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