Merry Christmas!


I’ve been avoiding my computer like the plague lately. It wasn’t until about five minutes ago when I accidentally logged into my flickr account from the husband’s laptop and found this “Merry Christmas” photo favorited that I realized just how much I’ve abandoned my online life.

I’m going to be perfectly honest when I say -you guys scared me a little -or, a lot, really …lol. I think the increasing traffic & numbers of you visiting …love Maegan everyday started freaking me out in a way I never expected …because if you’re a blogger as well, you know the goal is, well, traffic, right? So again, the anxiety that came along with it and fearing I couldn’t live up to your standards made me want to abandon you all completely leaving …love Maegan a ghost blog.

I thought a little break was necessary and figured something would trigger my brain to want to post again, whatever that may be.

So here are a few updates, in case you’re curious . . .

I stopped taking the Zoloft. I took it for 5 days and it just was not making me feel right. I was so hoping it would be my savior but in all honesty, I think it caused more anxiety. I definitely “got” its purpose though …as my insides tried to amp up in situations they would normally amp up in, I could feel an almost wave-like affect washing over me literally slowing me down; forcing me to stay calm instead of amping up. I could feel it wearing off midday impelling me to take an Ativan to calm my nerves. Every day I was on the Zoloft I needed an Ativan too -which was far more often than I would have ever taken it “as needed” and that freaked me out. The fact that I was taking two drugs just didn’t sit well with me especially since the Ativan seemed to be the only thing that actually worked. The Zoloft was also totally affecting my stomach in horrible ways which again, was defeating the purpose. Maybe I should have stayed on it longer but I just couldn’t deal.

The two days after I stopped the Zoloft I took 1/2 Ativan and haven’t really needed it since. Much of my problem seems to be anticipatory anxiety and anxiety about the anxiety but I’ve been workin’ it out and trying to actually write in a journal daily to free my brain of clutter. Sometimes before falling asleep I have this FEAR PANIC that rushes through me yelling WHAT I’M GOING TO DO TOMORROW? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? … but I’m definitely feeling better although still “worried” about the anxiety. {Which is actually totally lame} I go back to see my psychiatrist again on Wednesday afternoon. I’m worried she’s going to be disappointed that I stopped the meds so quickly and of course I’m already anxious about our visit. We’ll see.

I had a wonderful Christmas …and I hope you did too. Since the beginning of time we have spent Christmas Eve with my dad’s side of the family. But since 2003, after my dad’s death, the eve became much more sullen and dark and everyone would sort of stare at me with tears in their eyes and a certain look on their face. This was the first year that darkness was lifted and felt a bit more back to normal …a bit lighter and much MUCH more relaxing and fun. I looked forward to it with excitement instead of anxiety this year, which even surprised me considering the state of my head lately.

On Christmas Day the husband and I slept in -then had a lovely coffee/breakfast visit from his dad and lady friend {lol} who gifted me with this phenomenal black leather Ferragamo handbag -that I just now realized was RIDICULOUSly priced …I mean, there is nothing at Ferragamo under $1000 but OMG I had no idea it was THAT much until just this second searching for the link to show you. {He also just recently bought us a new mattress for our bed so I was really not expecting any gifts at all …omg. srsly generous father in law to one lucky lucky woman =me}

The husband got me some super cute/sexy jammies and some new Tom Ford sunglasses -which he handed me saying I was going to have to return because he couldn’t remember which ones I wanted …which will work out nicely because my boss generously gifted me with a Bloomingdales gift card {along with a surprise holiday bonus}. I exchanged FitFlop Clogs with my sister in law which I literally haven’t taken off my feet since Christmas Day. I tried out my new Just Dance for the Wii today and broke a sweat whilst giggling to 30 second versions of pop songs. This game is some serious fun!

But I think the best gift of all is the new house the husband and I will be moving into by the end of the month. No, we still don’t think it’s the right time to buy but we found an amazing house to rent in a perfect little pocket of The Valley which to our surprise, neither of us have lived in {if you’re new here, we’re both Valley Rats -born n’ raised}. We actually sealed the deal today and sign the contracts tomorrow …which really couldn’t have come at a better time because I’m so bored with fashion and can now just segue right into interiors. Well, for the moment I’m bored with fashion but it always sparks again.

We start moving January 15th but I’m already decorating the rooms in my head. The space is going to be so much fun to decorate -inside and out- and I can’t wait to take you along for the ride with before and afters looking for opinions along the way.

I hope you all had a wonderfully happy and joyous holiday and look forward to 2010 …with no expectations, of course 😉


LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.


  • Leigh

    December 29, 2009 |

    Good to see you back sweetheart, I think all of us need a break from time to time, I did that myself a few weeks ago..
    It sounded like you had a perfect Holiday and I am so happy for you guys with the new home, I cannot wait to see how you plan on decorating it!!.

    All my best, and I think the most important thing is you are learning to really listen to what your body and mind is telling you and taking the important steps for yourself, it is a good reminder to us all..


  • J-Diggety

    December 29, 2009 |

    Holy moley, I missed your face!! Fo’ shizzle. Glad you are back 🙂 And CONGRATS to the new digs!!!

    I’m sorry we all freaked you out… we all love you so!

    And P.S., I finally posted my final costume design project, so you’ll have to swing by and check it out!

    Much love in the New Year!
    xoxo J

  • Jacqueline

    December 29, 2009 |

    Glad you are back Maegan! Have a happy new year =) Congrats on the house too. xoxo

  • Namine

    December 29, 2009 |

    CONGRATS!! That is so awesome you found a sweet place! Can’t wait to see pictures.
    Glad you had a Merry Christmas!!
    Hope the anxiety gets better

  • Friend in Fashion

    December 29, 2009 |

    Lovely to have you back! Happy you had a lovely Christmas 🙂

  • Dith

    December 29, 2009 |

    We all need to take a break from time to time.
    Getting bored with fashion at the moment is GOOD because it only means that when that boredom subsides, you’ll be back with a bang!

    I understand d pressure you feel tho because this is meant to be a “fashion blog” but really, it is YOUR BLOG and u can choose to write about cartoons if it darn well pleases you.

    Those who genuinely love ur blog will stick around.
    I’ll advice you write down your thoughts and worries more in order to help ease the anxiety.

    Glad u had a good christmas. Rarely comment but I thought i drop my 2cents
    Keep your head up

  • ♥Aubrey

    December 29, 2009 |

    Welcome back hun. I know what you mean about traffic…well sort of…i’m sure you out-number ALL of us here :)-
    You’re fabulous and deserve to take a break whenever you want. No appologies needed. Life happens!!!

    Congrats on the moving…can’t wait to see what fabulous decorating ideas you’ve got running through your mind. May the New Year bring you everything you want and more. {{Hugs}}

  • Iva

    December 29, 2009 |

    I am so glad to see a post from you. And I couldn’t have cared at all what was on here. I am so sorry about you having felt scared/nervous. No expectations here! NONE!! …well…I do only expect that you always keep it real, only because, I highly don’t care what you post about, as long as its you staying true to yourself. You are amazingly, awesome just because of who you are. I read because of your blunt,honesty and love of so many things, not for it being a ‘fashion blog’, to be totally honest 😉 Congratulation on your house!! I am so excited for you and your husband! I am glad you took a breather though. They are always important in all areas of life 🙂

  • Tara Gibson

    December 29, 2009 |

    i was wondering where you have been! congrats on the new place! and good look with the move!

  • Lisa Petrarca

    December 29, 2009 |

    So happy you’re doing better! Stop by & check out the pics I posted of where me & my hubby are going Wed. for our 10 year Anniversary. Looks Gorgeous (may be something you guys can do sometime when you need to get away!

    Glad your off the Zoloft…my sister took that stuff & when her husband woke her up in the middle of the night after she was talking to the tree plant in her room, she said NO MORE!

    You know what actually works AMAZING…Omega 3 (high dose). My whole family is now on it. There are several articles from Harvard & U of Pittsburgh about the the amazing benefits of it, Google it & check it out, (it’s been my miracle & NO side affects).

    Have a great week!

  • Little Miss Paige

    December 29, 2009 |

    That bag is beauty to perfection. I’m glad you had a wonderful Christmas!


  • Mara

    December 29, 2009 |

    I’m glad you had a nice Christmas. Congrats on the house. I live in Studio City..maybe I’ll see you guys around!

  • Susan

    December 29, 2009 |

    I am glad you had a fab Xmas. I hope the new year will bring all the bests for you, Maegan.
    have a sweet day, xoxo

  • perfumeorpoison

    December 29, 2009 |

    nice to have you back 🙂 all the best wishes for the new year and looking forward to the interior posts 🙂

  • ♥ Katinka

    December 29, 2009 |

    Glad you are back. I wish you all the best for the new Year!!!

  • Natalie

    December 29, 2009 |

    hi there
    I live in Australia and I have been an avid reader of your blog for the last 6 months or so (my husband thinks I am a bit obsessed!!! guys don’t get it!) but have never left a comment so here goes.
    First Merry Christmas to you – glad you had a good one.
    Secondly I am glad that you are just going withthe flow of what your body and mind are telling you – I often wondered how much stress being a rather popular blogger would place on the actual blogger – but I think it is pretty safe to say, after reading lots of the comments that the people who read what you have to say come to think of you as a friend in cyberspace and we all know that friends don’t judge – so just continue to do what you do and know that you bring so much laughter and inspiration with your down to earth honesty(I am 35 and am so stoked to see someone my age still working it in the fashion stakes and the creativity department – even if you are not always feeling it!)

    Anyway a very happy new year to you and can’t wait to see how you make your mark on your new place.
    Also a friend once told me that it’s just not normal to have no issues – so remember you are normal despite the downs and without them there would be no ups!

    sorry for the ramble!!!

  • Idy

    December 29, 2009 |

    Hi Meagan,
    I think I speak for everyone when I say the reason we love you is because you are real and honest. Especially when most people tend to be superficial just to keep up with the joneses. I missed you and was worried when you weren’t posting. I had decided to email you to see how you are doing. I’m glad you had a lovely christmas. When it comes to blogging, take your time we aren’t going anywhere. Be well dear friend. Best wishes always.
    PS:Congrats on your house.

  • cashmere jumpers

    December 29, 2009 |

    Great blog! I love Christmas more than anything else!

  • Meghan

    December 29, 2009 |

    So glad you had an awesome Christmas! I wish you and your hubby nothing but the best for 2010.

  • Emily Rebecca

    December 29, 2009 |

    Glad you are back! I hope you have a wonderful New Year!

  • Erin

    December 29, 2009 |

    Fuckin FANTASTIC Maegan! Congrats on the big move… I am absolutly looking forward to the new posts!!!!

  • pinksundrops

    December 29, 2009 |

    I’m so glad to have discovered you during this time. Reading about your anxiety and thoughts makes me feel better about mine. Anxiety is such a crazy thing that I can’t seem to pull myself away from except thru depression which I also hate! But hearing somebody else deal with it, especially someone who is so creative, reminds me I will be okay. We all will. We just have to get through and make sure and do what our heart desires. For you, that’s getting into a house. For me, it’s getting out of one. I can’t WAIT to get out of our house and back into the city and the community of our old apartments. And back to the amazing school my boys went to. Long comment to say I love reading your thoughts while I’m going through the same thing, different version.

  • Anonymous

    December 29, 2009 |

    I think you are the luckiest woman alive. Seriously.
    (can you smell my jealousy?)

  • anhesty

    December 29, 2009 |

    welcome back and i am back temporarily as well. the holidays are hectic and never seem to have time to update. but i am today! miss ya!

  • Jaime

    December 29, 2009 |

    Sounds like a lovely Christmas and congrats on the move! It seems like you have many great things too look forward to in 2010 🙂
    Happy new year!

    PS: SWOONING over your new Ferragamo….lucky you indeed!

  • Nicole Marie

    December 29, 2009 |

    oh yay maegan! i think the move will be awesome for you guys! a good change. a change of scenery. a little fresh start.

  • { aggie }

    December 29, 2009 |

    Wow! A $1000 Ferragamo? Awesome!

    Noticed that you always tweet on new updates. Ever thought of using Twitter Feed? It automatically tweets whenever you post something new. It’s customizable too 😉

    And congrats on your new home!

  • Bruce

    December 29, 2009 |

    Hmmm, lets see, you have over 2700 follwers and I have a whopping 23. I can see where that might be a bit overwhelming. It would lower you count if you weren’t so damn sexy all the time. When you really ‘write’ you blog is so much better than just a fashion picture book.

    As for the medication. It seems we are a medicated society and the pharmasutical companies sure as hell don’t want you to take LESS of their product. Every person is different, but when it comes to anxiety, the best non-medical way to deal with it is to focus on something else. There are thousands of gyms and health clubs out there, not because folks want to get in shape, but because the excersize releases those pesky endorphines, hence less stress. Hope the New Year works out for you.

    ….and congrates on the house!!!

  • Linda

    December 29, 2009 |

    We all flock to you because you are so damn wonderful. No need to change or stress. Just be you.

  • Watkins Wackiness

    December 29, 2009 |

    Glad you’re back… I’ve been missing you!! Can’t wait to see your new place!! Happy New Year!

  • Meg Kathleen

    December 29, 2009 |

    I have a friend who has anxiety and she always tells me that the worst anxiety comes from worrying about when the anxiety is going to hit. It’s a vicious cycle. But congrats on the new house I’m sure it’ll be a welcome distraction!

  • Kb_Mal

    December 29, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan!

    We missed you (but note that I’m not meaning that in a way to put more pressure on you).

    Congrats on the new digs and the fabulous Christmas. 🙂

    Katy at A Life Fulfilled: Atlanta

  • Chessa!

    December 29, 2009 |

    I miss you and I’m glad to see that you’re back online even if it’s just sporadically:)

    Congratulations on your new home! It will be so fun to decorate and I can’t wait to see what you do..”no expectations” but I think you’re fabulous so I’m sure that it will be amazing.

    happy new year:)

  • Dan Johnson

    December 29, 2009 |

    Hey Maegan, I’ve visited your blog periodically over the last little while and quite enjoy it. It really caught me when I read your earlier posts about anxiety and how you used your artwork to help you sort it out, it was beautiful. I remember you saying how you felt you were going to throw up and I have felt the same. I have spent the last six months trying to deal with mine again and have the same reaction to the anti-depressants–I hate them. I’m so sorry to hear the anxiety has returned and the only relief I have found for mine so far has been Xanax…and wine. Would love to chat with you more about this if you like because sometimes I can feel so alone with it…let me know.

    Your Anxious Pal, Dan.

  • myownlittleuniverse

    December 29, 2009 |

    happy to hear you had a great christmas! and that you are working thru the anxiety. a lot of ppl have said it, but i’ll say it again. you aren’t alone! especially in worrying about what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. same here sister! hang in there…it definitely seems like you have a great life so i think you’re doing pretty good! 🙂

  • Gracinha

    December 29, 2009 |

    Oh maegan! we dont want to scare you!! please dont be :/ wanna visit you everyday.. i kinda missed your posts actually..


  • Hanako66

    December 29, 2009 |

    i’m so glad to hear that you had a wonderful christmas…congratulations on the new space…can’t wait to see it!


  • anotherfishinthesea

    December 30, 2009 |

    Congratulations on the new house, that is super exciting!! Can’t wait to see the amazing things I am sure you’ll do with it!

  • Ms. Jenn

    December 30, 2009 |

    Hope you are seeing a psychologist and not just a psychiatrist. I went to both and proud to report that I no longer need either. I had really awful anxiety and all sorts of other things. Was on lexapro and Klonopin. First time around the lexapro took a month to normal out, which is how long I was also on Klonopin. Totally felt like a zombie for that period of time but better than the alternative. Two years later I had to go back on them. The klonopin did more harm than good this time so they gave me some other thing that used to be an allergy med but now treats anxiety along with the lexapro. But, what really helped was the psychology sessions. I went weekly for half a year and it helped so much.

    I hope you can rid yourself of anxiety, because is the worst thing ever! I’m confident you will.

    Congrats on your new house {& the Ferragamo bag!}

  • Meghan

    December 30, 2009 |

    Take all the time you need. Glad you had a great Christmas and congrats about the new house 🙂

  • Grace

    December 30, 2009 |

    Glad you are back! And the break was well deserved!

    Love Grace.

  • Elizabeth Marie

    December 30, 2009 |

    New house! Maegan I am so excited for you! Dude, we love you because you’re YOU. And we’ll be here always, at least I will.

  • Urooba

    December 30, 2009 |

    Yay! You’re back!

    And are one lucky daughter in law! 😉

  • diane

    December 30, 2009 |

    You have such a full life, no wonder you have anxiety about having anxiety. I would think your doctor would be proud of you for kicking those meds to the curb so quickly, it’s a really healthy sign/response.
    Can’t wait to see your new digs. Happy New Year!

  • FJ

    December 30, 2009 |

    Hey that’s great. I’m so happy for you! Can’t wait to hear all about your house decorating.


    December 30, 2009 |

    hi megan! i love your blog, i found it a little time ago, but i already see all your post, my favorites are the DIY, its great what you do!
    feliz año nuevo! desde mexico!!

  • Ela

    December 30, 2009 |

    Yay! A new place to start a New Year and a new chapter 🙂 Here’s to 2010 bringing you everything you need – more so than want cause sometimes life knows better than we do as to what we need {or so I tell myself, haha}. Have a wonderful, relaxing, fun and safe New Year’s!

  • colbyco

    December 30, 2009 |

    Hola! os invito a que visitéis mi blog Espero que os guste. Muchas gracias y feliz 2,010!
    Besos infinitos,

  • Bella

    December 31, 2009 |


    I am on Twitter…and you need to contact me… I can help you…as I have gone through the same thing with this anxiety!… It’s horrible I know from experience. Contact me on Twitter my name is CiaoBella50…. so sorry you’re going through this…: (

  • sharonlei

    December 31, 2009 |

    Lovely M.. it’s great to have you back on here.. I love visiting your blog.. you are such an amazing person and beautiful inside and out. Congrats on the new pad! What a perfect way to start the new year.. someplace new. Here’s to a fabulous 2010!! Take care.

    Love & Aloha, S

  • Christina Love

    December 31, 2009 |
  • Nickie Frye

    December 31, 2009 |

    Good for you! Sometimes those drugs work & sometimes they don’t. Don’t let any doctor push you around. I have a girlfriend who got hooked on these types of drugs. Now she is super bummed b/c she can’t have children until she weans off, which is a slow process. Seriously, exercise & nutrition! Maybe a personal trainer & a nutritionist?

    Congrats on the new house! 😀

    Happy New Year everyone! xoxo

  • drollgirl

    January 1, 2010 |

    good things are happening for you, and i am so happy for you! can’t wait to see/read more about your new house. radical!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Leesa

    January 1, 2010 |

    Hi Magaen,

    I can totally understand about your feeling that way about the blog… but it’s nice to see you back again and to know that things are looking up!

    I am very excited for you two on your new house! Congrats!
    Happy New Year to you and your hubby and I hope it’s a lovely one!


  • Siljesfashion

    January 1, 2010 |

    I think everybody needs a break. I find the inspiration coming back after a break and when a new season is about to start. Enjoy your new house and happy new year!

  • Tiffany

    January 1, 2010 |

    Happy New Year.

  • The Seeker

    January 1, 2010 |

    Happy New Year dear!!!


  • SexShoppingandGreed

    January 2, 2010 |

    Have missed reading your blog. As always, you are the prettiest blogger our there! Happy 2010.

  • Cookie

    January 2, 2010 |


  • The818

    January 2, 2010 |

    I am so excited to see what you do with the house!

  • Anonymous

    January 2, 2010 |


    I have been following your blog but this is my first post. I just wanted to tell you how much I love your fashion sense, DIY section and just your general coolness. I also appreciate your honesty about your fears and your life. I’m a worrier too. I get it! I get it! However, I really hope that you don’t stop writing because…well..I would miss reading.

    I’m wishing lots of good things for you!

  • Anonymous

    January 3, 2010 |


    I read your blog quite often (I love the freedom and sincerity it transmits) but lately haven’t had the time to drop by. However, this post really caught my attention, and for the first time I feel compelled to leave a comment.

    When you described your feelings and how anticipation makes you anxious, you essentially described very classic symptoms of anxiety–the fear and anxiety of feeling anxiety is, in itself, very typical of the condition (“fear of fear”, i.e.). Many people feel this and seek treatment for it; it’s a lot more common than you might imagine. You are not alone in this.

    There are many treatments for anxiety, some involving medication, some involving therapy and other supportive measures, some that involve all of these. When one treatment doesn’t work for the person, there are always other options. Please don’t feel as if the Zoloft + Ativan was your only chance–there are other possibilities your doctor can recommend you. And you were right to interrupt your meds: when they start doing you more harm than good, it’s time to stop and try something else. Your doctor wants you better, not worse.

    Also, please don’t feel as if you will be disappointing your psychiatrist. We doctors would love for every treatment option to work well right off the bat, of course, but the fact is that it’s always about YOU. YOU need to feel better, not worse. And we need to work with you for this to happen. There won’t be disappointment; there will be a much-needed re-analysis in order to help you get your emotions back on track and become healthy again.

    And it will happen, trust me. Just don’t lose faith in yourself or in the possibilities. Remember that getting better is also a process that will happen over a period of time, each day something improving gradually, even if only bit by bit, at first. But you will feel the change and things will get better for you. Chin up!

    Best wishes! And have a great new year!
    … love suzy

  • Margs

    January 4, 2010 |

    Hey there…
    So, I don’t know you, but I read the “Anxiety” portion of your blog and I couldn’t help but comment! I know exactly how you feel. I have that “anxiety about anxiety” too!! I am also an RN so I wanted to let you know that taking Zoloft for 5 days wasn’t quite long enough to see effects of the zoloft on anxiety, but it too made me sick to my stomach. All axiety type meds take 6-8 weeks to actually see results, except for the ones like Ativan, Xanex, etc…
    I would like to recommend to you that you look into celexa or lexapro! All anxiety meds are also “depression” medications as well, however these are the only two that are geared more for anxiety issues! I’ve used them both, first the lexapro, but only switched to celexa because its cheaper!! And they are the only ones that have ever worked for me!! Give em’ a try! 🙂 Best of luck! Looking forward to hearing about it! 🙂

  • claudia

    January 5, 2010 |

    I started taking zoloft a couple monthes ago. It actually helped alot. I’m alot happier now. I think i just needed a little bit of help to get through the day. but i still deal with some of the symtoms. I have more of depression other then anxiety. but i get anxiety because I am so afraid of the depression coming back. Other then taking zoloft i am trying to find a support group near where i live. I did conciling when i was younger but it onnly made me feel worse. talking to my friends made me feel better because i knew i wasnt alone. so hopefully support groups will help.

    stay strong. your not alone 🙂

  • Da Fashionista

    January 6, 2010 |

    kiss you. so glad about the house! great way to start the new year.

  • kanishk

    January 6, 2010 |

    Best wishes! And have a great new year!

    agua bendita

  • Soma Pradhan

    January 7, 2010 |

    Hi love, I’m so glad you’re back! I’d really missed you {and I only found you like 2 mos ago! lol!}.

    Very much looking forward to your home design posts {I’m an interior designer} and CONGRATS on the new digs and new closet/room! Yay!

    About the pills and the doctors and all that good stuff, having suffered through a bunch of everything I met a therapist with only an MSW who is a NeuroLinguistic Programming {NLP} practitioner that changed my life. Literally. Changed. Life. I haven’t talked to him in over 6 months and I feel like I’m still growing and learning from what he taught me. I hope it helps you as much as it did me!


  • FashionAddict

    January 7, 2010 |

    Congratulations on the house and Happy 2010! I can’t wait to see what you do with your house since you are so darn crafty on this blog!!

  • Anonymous

    November 23, 2011 |

    I love this blog, makes me feel a little better about my own battles with sanity. 🙂 Thank you.

  • Sulphurgenic

    December 5, 2012 |

    You deserve to look amazing this party season so @Sulphurgenic are giving you 15% off everything!

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