What I’m Wearing…
* English Factory striped ruffle sweater
* Black jeans
* Barton Perreira Winette Gradient Cat-Eye Sunglasses
* Lieutenant’s cap
* Burberry short trench coat
* Sophie Hulme bag
* Jeffrey Campbell Civil Heel Loafers
* Lancome lips
* Title: Avicii – Lonely Together ft. Rita Ora… It’s you and your world and I’m caught in the middle… It’s my head or my heart and I’m caught in the middle… I may hate myself tomorrow but I’m on my way tonight… let’s be lonely together.
It’s so amazing to me how oftentimes one little random thing can get me out of a rut, especially when it’s by complete accident.
It could be anything. Which is the beauty of just doing ANYTHING at all when you’re feeling down or out of sorts. The key is to also, somehow, be open enough to allow that one little random thing to sneak in and magically change everything.
Oftentimes if I’m in a creative rut or having a bit of mind-fuckery, I notice it and then sort of force myself out of it by simply changing my environment. For instance, I’ll go take a walk, or put on music I know makes me happy, or play with my dogs. These things tend to work, especially in the short term, for little ruts or moments when I know I have things to get done but don’t have the motivation to do them.
But sometimes it takes a little more to turn a bigger funk from a negative time warp into a positive new direction.
The only way I know that I’m out of a rut is that suddenly, as if by magic, I feel energetic again… as if the energy in my body literally went from zero to one hundred in minutes, seconds even…. I can feel it. I am suddenly interested in new things or a new thing, or back to being interested in the things I was working on prior that felt overwhelming and now magically, seem totally easy.
It’s a sudden relief, a lightness and buoyancy, and a smile may even creep up on the corners of my lips to force me to recognize that once again, I’ve made it to the other side.
This is the positive place I wish to be in at all times… and as we know, it’s a difficult level to keep when life sometimes feels like it’s throwing curveballs and snowballs and ALL the balls right at your face.
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, a week’s worth of creative ideas come rushing forth and all at once I go from being overwhelmed, wanting to do nothing, to WANTING TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. Which of course, is impossible, but at least it gets me to focus again on even one thing while writing lists and list and lists of all the other things I want to start and/or finish.
It’s a fantastic feeling really, the one creative people kind of wait for as inspiration out of a block and back into the creative space. It’s a high we search for, oftentimes procrastinating on projects until it shows up. It’s a place we want to stay forever to materialize and manifest all of our ideas, but it doesn’t always last. I think the balance between the two is what I’m constantly searching for, but I also think it may be a ridiculously endless search for something that doesn’t actually exist.
I often wonder if being zen and the constant work towards it is the exact opposite of what true artistic expression needs to release itself? And I wonder if you can have passion in your life while also having zen balance, because I haven’t been able to level out the two – EVER. It seems that when I have one, the other disappears and then I get sort of angry at myself for not being able to manage the two… but I wonder if they’re not supposed to be managed?
Is this making any sense? I’m having a bit of a revelation about all of this at the moment, and it seems rather enlightening to me, to say the least.
But if nothing else, it will possibly remind me not to be so hard on myself, if it is, in fact, true.
Maybe passion and peaceful mind can’t actually coexist?
Maybe in my quest to be zen, I stifle my passion?
Maybe I can’t have both and I’m wasting time and energy trying so hard to find that balance?
This is something I’ll quite possibly ponder for the remainder of the day (or week or year) until I figure it out, because I feel like I could be on to something that may actually change everything in my mental space, open me up even more, and force an acceptance of my personality rather than constantly trying to be something I’m not… which may ultimately level up my self-awareness game – and actually allow me to level up and live a more authentic life I love…. . . . . . . . . . . . .
BUT MAYBE, it’s just the chaos and craziness of Mercury’s retrograde that is to blame… that could be the easiest option to go with 😉
Happy Hump Day Lovecats!
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