And I’m On that New Vibration

All the sundresses and rompers before summer ends!

What I’m Wearing…

* Cut out floral romper from Hollister (Chad came home with 4 of these cute rompers for me just before summer, which was super thoughtful… but when I first tried them on, I felt like they were a little young for this old lady and almost returned them… but then summer came and it was so hot and I ended up wearing all of them, which was a nice addition and change to the usual 4 summer dresses I’ve been wearing on repeat. (You can see me skating in this one on IG and TikTok as well). The one I’m wearing here is a small, which fits a little snugly on top and true to size everywhere else, and I like it. The small shows less skin in the cut-out but also, you can tie the top up or down depending on how much you want to show. I also have the tropical print in large that fits loosely, and I like it too! It shows MORE skin in the cut-out because the smocking is looser, obviously. It’s smocked in the back as well so it’s super comfy. I also love that the shorts/skirt length is a bit longer than the itty-bitty rompers I was wearing last summer (and still love, but opted for the longer ones this year overall). They’re on sale now and super comfy if you want to stock up for next summer, or if you live in a place where it’s warm all year! I’ve added them all to my shopping widget below. I love NOT having to think too much about my outfits when I’m just running around town (like I do on most days) or to the vet, like I did on this day.
* White Classic Crocs – yes, I’m living in them. And I just bought a second pair in lavender.
* Phillip Lim tortoise shell sunglasses…OLD… I’m seriously loving these new OVERSIZED square frames from Barton Perreira and The Gucci’s Harry Styles was wearing at a recent movie premiere (where he’s wearing the retro blue suit)… but I also like these and these

In an effort to not give up entirely on this part of my life, which I have loved and committed myself to for 15 years and still have love for, I spent the last week or so redesigning and updating my blog and honestly, it has felt invigorating! I’d love to say I’m motivated to commit to it regularly again, but I’ve said that a few times in the past few years and nothing has been consistent. I have a lot of theories about why I haven’t been able to be consistent and put effort here in a way I used to, but it doesn’t matter. The fact is that I still want to spend time in this space, I guess I just don’t want it to be for nothing.

But what is the idea of “nothing”?

I’m not entirely sure.

I can tell you it takes a LOT of time and creative energy to do this work, even though it might look like it doesn’t, it absolutely one-hundred percent takes up an extraordinary amount of time and it seemed my past life was far more adaptable to that than the one I am in now. Sometimes that makes me sad to think about but also, I have so much more going on now aside from it, and I just don’t have the time I used to. But maybe the other parts of my life take up so much of my creative energy that I don’t have the capacity I used to have for it… and that’s what makes me sad I guess, because it still feels more like “me” or “my work” than any other endeavor I’m involved in.

But it also makes me feel like my life is on pause, that even though I have so much going on otherwise, somehow I have been waiting for what seems like years to be able to move to the next phase of my life… and I’m not even sure I grasp this feeling.

What have I been waiting for? Why have I paused my life? And in what way?

Maybe because my life is just so different from what it used to be and I’m still thinking it needs to “go back to normal”… but what does that even mean? Normal from before COVID or does it go back even further than that?

Life just feels so much more difficult than it used to in so many ways (and also easier in some ways)… but it also doesn’t feel like it’s advancing or moving forward… Like I’m stuck in the same looping pattern I have been in for the last few years… nothing changes, but literally nothing ever stays the same either… yet its always the SAME! The same loop!

And I wonder, is this unique to me and my life or is everyone experiencing some version of this right now? Are we all dazed and confused, going through the motions and not really getting anywhere? Is every goal and plan just wishful thinking?

It’s funny… that even though I’m not here posting daily, I still think in blog posts because I’ve done it for so long. I still shoot my outfits and take all the photos and videos… but when it comes time to editing and writing and publishing, I hit the pause button and don’t do it.

What is stopping me? The work? The time? The fact that I feel like no-one reads blogs anymore or even has the attention span for anything longer than 5-10 seconds?

I know that’s not entirely true, even though it feels true.

Do I care? Does anyone care?

What do I do instead then, what is next?

I’ve been asking myself this very question since 2016 and I still don’t have an answer… and maybe that’s the part of me that feels like it’s been on hold or paused. I don’t know what to do next… even though I’m doing lot’s of things… I guess it just doesn’t feel satisfying? Or real? Or like I’m at a fork in the road and haven’t been able to choose a path… or maybe my fear is that I’ve chosen the wrong path and am paralyzed in that thought, afraid to trust any future decisions because of it. Maybe?

In this same way I feel like life and time is passing me by and I’m not moving with it. I’m just spinning in circles, in the same pattern over and over and over again, blinded by the emergency of surviving instead of creating a life that is thriving?

I guess I can speculate for hours… and years, as I have been, trying to put my finger on why I don’t feel settled and what to do about it. But if I don’t find a solution, I will find myself in this very same predicament 6 more years from now and just as confused.

Anyway, Trevor had a vet visit the other day… just a checkup. He and his brother are doing okay, but I can see their age with every new white hair on their face and it’s a true awakening that time is indeed passing, even though I feel like I’m in the same loop I have been for the last 6 years, time IS moving forward… probably faster than I’d like to admit and I’m just wondering where all mine is going.

He hates me… I love him.

Happy Monday Lovecats!

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Hot September Air… Almost midnight Can’t close my eyes