Completely Gratuitous Outfit Post


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What I’m Wearing
* Vintage camel wool jacket by Peabody House {which came with a matching a-line skirt}
* Black Chaiken wool trousers …which I look better in person than in these photos …actually, same goes for the jacket. last seen here -cufffed
* Old black lace tank top
* Red Monkey Designs black leather belt with brass studs
* House of Harlow necklace
* Skinny burgundy belt with brass studs wrapped as bracelet
* D&G gold watch from gilt.com
* Calvin Klein snakeskin platform pumps
* Vintage Gucci bag
* Hair -wet …I just can’t be bothered

So …yesterday I was seemingly fine, anxiety-wise. I was productive, felt at ease and thought I was maybe free and clear. And then it was time to go to bed …and the same sort-of insomnia situation happened again. I had trouble falling asleep and when I did, I would wake up soon after in a panic ..heart racing …just laying there.

Now, it seems that this only happens the night before I have to go into the gallery but work is very stress-free at this point. The boss is out of town and really, I’ve been working for him for 9 years now …there’s nothing new. And even though I only work three days now, believe me when I tell you …I.Am.Busy the rest of the week!

So why all the anxiety? …if you’ve never experienced this kind of anxiety, it is extremely hard for you to understand and I apologize if I said something in my last post about it to offend you. But let me start by saying I’m not happy about this. I was hoping I was free of this crippling feeling and have taken many steps to avoid medication up until now. I have changed my diet, began working out more, stretching and meditating more, taking on new projects …and in the past I tried acupuncture as well as homeopathic remedies to resolve my issues. And for three years {began at age 24 -and it wasn’t until I was 27 when I finally went on meds} I tried to figure out what was “wrong” with me from my general practitioner to the eye doctor to the Chinese Medicine to self help books to therapists to the gyno, all the while becoming more and more agoraphobic because home was the only safe place for me. Yes, some of it was situational …and I fear some of it now may be situational as well. But let’s face it. Some things we cannot change in life. Some things we just have to accept and at this point I have to accept the fact that my insides are racing out of control and driving me to the point where I know the only thing that is going to align me is medication because now I’m at the point where I’m afraid of the panic and just “waiting” for it to come on.

I want to nip this in the bud before it cripples me again and forces me into a tiny small scared person who doesn’t want to leave her house.

I am looking for a psychiatrist in my area now and hopefully can get an appointment sooner than later. fingers crossed.

….however, going through your comments {and apologies, anon, whose comment is missing, I haven’t deleted any} makes me also want to check my hormones, my thyroid, cutting out gluten, Naturopathic Doctor, nature’s therapy tea called ‘Easy Now’, acceptance and commitment therapy & books like “How to get out of your mind and into your life” by Steven C. Hayes or Gabriel Cousens m.d. – {although I am reading Eckhart Tolle right now who is always very helpful}.



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LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

85 Comments

  • AspiringFashionista

    December 3, 2009 |

    I’m so sorry you’re fighting this. I’m sending many, many positive thoughts your way.

  • Christina

    December 3, 2009 |

    I hope what I shared the other day didn’t come across as a pompous “here’s what you need to do” sort of statement. Please do whatever seems best and consistent with yourself to overcome this.

    Much love and good luck. 🙂

  • megstar

    December 3, 2009 |

    Have you tried changing your birth control pill, if you’re on one? They can cause some serious hormonal imbalances (found out the hard way). Just a thought.

  • erin

    December 3, 2009 |

    you definitely do NOT owe anybody an apology! you are going through something, & you have every right to feel how you feel.

    the pathetic loser who anon. commented rudely is just that, a pathetic loser. don’t worry about that.

    the first step is to see somebody. things will fall into place after that.

    i used to be afraid of my panic too, which made it worse. then i realized, the panic is a blessing. every time i encounter it, i can try to react in a healthier way. it’s good practice.

    good luck! 🙂

  • Trina

    December 3, 2009 |

    I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks about 10 years ago. I was afraid of going to sleep for fear of not waking up, I was afraid of large crowds and tight spaces (i.e. airplanes…and at the time I was a flight attendant). It was crippling.

    Medicine was not an option for me because I was afraid of that too. It made me feel out of control to take things and feel the effects from them (drowsiness, etc).

    Personally, and I know alot of people won’t agree or will think I’m silly for saying this, but the only thing that helped me was my relationship with God. I knew he had me and could heal me and he did. I never took medication and I’ve been free of panic attacks for a few years now.

    I would never wish panic or anxiety on anyone, it’s so awful and I sincerely hope you find something that works for you.

    In the meantime definitely use your blog to release your feelings. We’re here to encourage you.

  • Anonymous

    December 3, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan!!!
    My name is Isabel and i’m from Spain!!! I follow you since a month, more or least, and I like your outfits tooo much, your Diy…you’re so creative!!!
    Well, i know that today maybe is not the best moment to introducing me, because you are worried about your anxiety and it’s normal..I hope you can find a solution!!
    Well, good luck with that and I send to you a lot of strength too!!

    Kisses from Madrid!!!

    *isa*

  • Pretty Little World

    December 3, 2009 |

    I had/have this exact same thing, though it sometimes just happens at any old time. My heart just feels like it’s racing (even though it isn’t, and I know because I grab people and say “feel my pulse). But it FEELS like it is; like I can’t slow down at all.

    When we moved a couple of years ago, I started to have way fewer problems with anxiety and was thrilled. Then a couple of weeks ago I started feeling all “wonky” again – I’ve had the heart-racy thing, I get out of sorts for no reason, etc. etc. What I realized this time is that this coincided with me starting to take my birth control pill again (from which I’d had a roughly two year break). So I started doing some reading, and sure enough, lots of people taking the same kind of BC pill had the same side effects.

    I obviously don’t know what, if anything you’re taking, but if you’re even simple pills for something, it might be those. I would have never originally thought my BC pills could cause me to behave so massively strangely, so maybe it’s something similar for you!!

    Whatever it is, I hope you’re feeling in better spirits soon!!

  • Iva

    December 3, 2009 |

    Dearest Maegan,

    Talk, write, let it out, cry, vent, scream. Don’t hold anything back. You might not know, exactly what it is right now, that is making you feel this way. It might not just be one thing, it could be a collection of things. You are doing all the right things for yourself right now, and mostly what’s so important is that you are looking to fix it, and make it right. I am sure this is so difficult, and I hope you find the help that will make it all go away soon. Being busy, helps, which you already are incredibly busy, but keeping your mind going always, is not something that will help you ‘solve’ or ‘fix’ this. You need to be able to feel at peace, at one and comfortable, in silence. In the still moments. I really don’t have any wise words or any huge advise. I’m here for you, so many people are, and although it wont take this feeling away, I hope it makes it a bit better knowing you are supported and cared for. I hope this gets solved quickly and that you can pinpoint exactly whats causing this, so you can face it, and stay strong against it. A few things that I have heard work, in addition to the already amazing advise you have received, {as silly as it may sound}, is to say out loud or to yourself “no. stop. everything is ok” when the feeling starts to creep up, and you repeat it over and over, and the hope the mantra becomes the truth, and you feel “ok” in that moment. I also know from my good friend who is a psychiatrist, who treats anxiety and panic attacks, that one thing that you can do to help yourself is to lay flat on your chest either on your bed or floor, and just breath. The pressure by laying that way, automatically creates a different breathing pattern, helping you relax and change direction. Although these wont take it away, it might help. I hope you feel better soon. Just know there is not a single thing wrong with you. Maybe you are worried about something, that you don’t even know is bothering you? Maybe you are thinking too fast? Just be you, be Maegan. I’m so sorry, I’m rambling, I wish I could take this away, and make it all right again. Fingers crossed you get the appointment soon. really soon. {you look beautiful as always}

  • Comsat Keith

    December 3, 2009 |

    Vintage camel wool jacket? How exotic Maegan, and you look lovely in it. I thought it was going to be leather at first glance. I was going to say I like your bangles too, but apparently it’s not bangles at all, it’s a “Skinny burgundy belt with brass studs wrapped as bracelet”. Good effect! And hey, from the close-up in that second picture it looks like you’ve created a novel way of doing your belt up – unless that was how it was meant to be done up. Pity we don’t see much of your platform pumps in this outfit, but the turquoise pair I saw when I followed your link looked classy and sexy. Also like your comment: “Hair -wet …I just can’t be bothered”. Ha ha. It’s still not looking so bad to me! Anyway, thanks for another dose of LA sunshine – and I do hope you sleep better tonight.

  • Down and Out Chic

    December 3, 2009 |

    i can totally empathize/sympathize/and know what you’re feeling (filtered through my own experiences of course). i just thought i’d let you know i’m sending you warm thoughts and i’m hoping a visit to the dr. will help (sometimes meds what’s needed to get the chemicals in the brain back on track). there’s no shame in that at all and generally the people that haven’t experienced this are the ones that are so adamantly opposed.

  • Ozzie

    December 3, 2009 |

    Coming from someone who is suffering with anxiety for the past 2 1/2 years, I can honestly say I feel your pain. I’m still working on trying to find out what exactly my deal is but went to a psychiatrist today who wants me to go on zoloft again.

    Now, my situation varies from yours as my anxiety began AFTER my daughter’s birth. I don’t know if I just wasn’t prepared for all that parenthood entails or what but the anxiety is seriously debilitating now. I’m constantly worried about things, my health first and foremost because I’m so scared of leaving my little girl.

    Now I’m pregnant with #2 and because of this I can’t take some of the medications that I was taking before, such as Klonopin and Valium. That controlled the anxiety to a degree but even that wasn’t doing it.

    I’m sure you didn’t feel like hearing my life story but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone and that it helps others, myself included, when you are so open and honest. You’re quite an inspiration…

  • little bits of splendor

    December 3, 2009 |

    As an on and off sufferer of depression, I can totally relate to what you’re going through. I still quite frequently worry that it’s gonna get bad again. Every time I’m the slightest bit sad or anxious, I start to worry that it’s happening again. I hope you figure everything out soon since living this way is so not fun.

  • Robin from Ok

    December 3, 2009 |

    I’ve got it too except I HAD to go on meds. I have been on one pill for years and am getting ready to go off. I completly emphathize with your situation. Try everything before meds but if you don’t get relief..take a med, it saved me. Good luck on this Maegan

  • Jacqueline

    December 3, 2009 |

    I am thinking of you and I hope you find your way Maegan. In terms of your outfit, I think the jacket is cute and I adore the belt! xoxo

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • Robin from Ok

    December 3, 2009 |

    BTW, I went to a specialist and much of this is genetic. You said your father drank (i believe). It is VERY common for people w/anxiety to self medicate and alchoholism can be genetic so there you go. My Father also had a problem w/anxiety and did not tell me for a long time. Actually, it runs in my family big time. I can’t click my brain off at times and i feel like i’m just coming out of my skin. Anyway, something to think about. I am VERY lucky to go to a specialist in my town that was actually on Oprah and the man knew me better than I knew myself when I went in. Very weird!

  • Alba

    December 3, 2009 |

    Lovely Look!! You are pretty
    xo

  • Catanya

    December 3, 2009 |

    I love the look. The combo black-beige is gorg.
    I envy that sunny weather!

  • God's Favorite Shoes!

    December 3, 2009 |

    Thank you for your kind words today (broken engagement) and I wanted to also say that I so appreciate that you are willing to share something so personal on your fashion blog.

    It makes me think that the hot chicks go through things just like the rest us. (You being the hot chick:)

    I have no doubt you will conquer this through time…and that you will look fly while doing so! (I’m saying this to myself as well:)

    On a side note…I covet that damn purse! It’s the perfect bag for me!

  • Anonymous

    December 3, 2009 |

    you still have no idea how lucky you are and how many people would like to be like you, or to be you…living in America and being a beautiful woman with lots of inspiration…to be honest it’s the first time i write a comment to your website but I check it every day, excited about what i’ll find here, what new outfits you’ll show us and I wonder: do you have any idea how lovely you are???just relax, it’s all within you,,,if you’re stressed you won’t be able to make it…and don’t even think of medication, you should know better..you are my guru, my inspiration…take care and stand uP!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Violet

    December 3, 2009 |

    im sorry to here you this… i hope its gets better my roommate suffers from anxiety and i know how hard is to convience your self its ok… so i really wish you well with this

    btw your poses are SICK!!! i love em… that jacket and those pants are so chic

    XX
    Vi from Cali

  • Shiriously

    December 3, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan,

    I’ve experienced something similar at night, especially on nights where I have to wake up early for work the next day.

    I’ve dealt with anxiety throughout my life and am trying stay off of medication. I’ve been prescribed it, but I’m afraid to take it.

    Here’s what’s been helping me lately…
    -I avoid weed -while it used to help me sleep, I find that it now gets me more panicky and I think waaay too much to let my brain sleep.
    -I minimize caffeine throughout the day. I gave up caffeine for months and now will only have it in the morning, nothing after 11 or noon.
    -I try to give myself something to be excited about the next day. It sounds silly, but it really helps me.
    -One thing I’ve tried recently and am a huge fan of is exercise on demand… If you have the on demand channels, you should have it, and it’s free. There is pilates, yoga, aerobics, pretty much any class you could think of. I *try to* wake up 30 min earlier to do this, and it really helps me get through the day, and again, it’s something different to think about when I go to bed.

    I don’t know if this was helpful or not, but I really hope you find something soon that works for you!!!

  • Nicole Marie

    December 4, 2009 |

    oh meagan i’m so sorry. i know how terrible anxiety is. i have ptsd from seeing a car accident 2 years ago.

    i know the anxiety, the physical pain, the war in your head. i finally saw a therapist {a good one} and it helped sooo much. obviously didn’t cure the anxiety but lowered it so much and havn’t had physical pain in almost a year. and actually drove in a car without clutching the door the whole time a few weeks ago.

    she’s in san clemente which is a bit far from you but let me know if you want her number.

    try to stay away from the medication as much as you can. personally i don’t think it cures it, just covers up the problem.

  • K.Line

    December 4, 2009 |

    Hey M – I did leave you an email on your gmail to talk about this more. Not sure if you’ve had a chance to check it but I want to let you know I”m thinking of you. I totally empathize. Really.

  • Random Musings Of My Life

    December 4, 2009 |

    Thank you for sharing.. and putting yourself out there to the world wide web. Everyone has an opinion for everyone else s life. You are brave to share you troubles with us.

    You are an inspiration and maybe you will be helping someone else by putting this out there…

    I wish you strength to get through this..

    ps. my word verification was “messed”

  • Lawgirl

    December 4, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan,

    Having had panic attacks – once you’ve had one, you are more apt to have more, because then you are uptight about having another one. Also, they will occur at the same time each day.

    It’s your body’s natural response – just not fun. If you can, try to do anything you can during that time to take your mind away from it.

  • Sally

    December 4, 2009 |

    Maegan: My husband suffers (quite literally) from agoraphobia. Several years we went to a series of group therapy sort of meetings called TerAp. The idea was desensitization with a support person to help. It helped him quite a bit. I am not sure if this is nationwide or not, but the two psychiatrists that ran the program were connected at the national level. It is worth investigating!

  • anon

    December 4, 2009 |

    i don’t have problems with anxiety, but i do have problems with depression. for years now. i’ve tried so many different things, like you. it is definitely frustrating to not be able to figure out how to fix it. the depression can cripple me at times like you said anxiety does for you.

    i hate that you are suffering with it. i appreciate your honesty. huge hugs to you.

  • TERI REES WANG

    December 4, 2009 |

    Note, any transition time is awkward and challenging.
    I have been through that struggle and I survived my Self so far.
    I went though the emergency life saving Doctor, the testing and detox Doctor, and then the fast and easy voodoo Doctor.

    There is two man team of alternative health care Doctors at the ‘Santa Monica Wellness Center’ on Main Street. They follow a seven point process that includes detoxing your history, your present and your home. All of it gentle.

    http://www.santamonicawellness.com/

    Keep interviewing every “doctor” as a potential life guide. If you don’t believe them, or they don’t believe them, then walk away. The faster you go through them, the faster you’ll find the right one.
    You will get there.

    Any time you want “Jose the Healer”-over the phone Voo-doo Doctor, I will happily gift you is cell number.

    Be well.

    P.S. “SAMe” helped me for get through the worst of it all. It detoxes the brain, the liver, the joints and as a bonus it raises the natural serotonin levels. BUT, it is starts to work after about 2wks and cannot ever be taken with any other ’emotional’ meds.

  • TERI REES WANG

    December 4, 2009 |

    Oops!..re-do:

    “Inner Harmony Wellness Center”
    ttp://www.innerharmonysantamonica.com/
    (originally from the East coast)

    Find your way to wellness once more.

  • Savvy Gal

    December 4, 2009 |

    First you look totally stylish. Second, take care of yourself, send you hugs and prayers. xoxo

  • Anonymous

    December 4, 2009 |

    Maegan, what’s on your desktop? 🙂

  • Anonymous

    December 4, 2009 |

    I admire you for putting yourself out here. I wish I had all the answers but I do not. I don’t think Eckhart Tolle is the way to go though. There’s something eerie about him and Centerpointe too. Please stay away from the medication. I think the fact that you have tried so many different things is taking it’s toll on your body.
    I agree with Trina. Our heavenly Father is waiting to hear you talk about it. And you don’t even need to go to church. Just talk to Him. He created you and loves you – very much. He cares and so do I.
    PS: I do not think you offended anyone with your previous post. Best wishes always my dear.

    Be well.

    Godspeed.

  • Kittynail

    December 4, 2009 |

    Absolutely love the outfit!

    Check out my blog too if you want! 🙂

  • Anonymous

    December 4, 2009 |

    I think that your fear of going back to how you were makes your anxiety worse. You are right some things cannot change in life ,but you’ve grown older and wiser so maybe it will be easier for your to adapt at this point.
    The doctor will certainly help you so just take a break from “yourself” and put your worries aside until u meet him . Things will be fine ,just hang on girl.

  • Anonymous

    December 4, 2009 |

    Maegan,
    I am so glad you opened the discussion on anxiety. I commented the other day recommending Hayes’ “Get out of your mind and into your life”. Why am I so persistent and comment again? It’s just that there are so many parallels in our lifes, Maegan! Maybe not if you look it from the outside, but our inner struggles … they are so similar.

    I read Tolle’s “The Power of Now”. In the first chapters there are many passages which I find very helpful, but then later on it just gets too spiritual for my taste. Hayes’ ACT approach includes many of the things which Tolle also has in his book – these are all elements inspired by Eastern philosophies. E.g. both stress the importance of learning to live in the presence and of connecting to your “observing self” (Tolle labels this sense of self differently, I forgot how), but Hayes’ work is research-based and it comes with very specific exercises, while Tolle just starts from his very own enlightenment experience which happened overnight and is not very specific about how to get there. I still recommend reading both – some of Tolle’s passages are very catching, and you’ll recognize these mostly Buddhist-inspired elements in Hayes’ ACT approach.

    Why I’m so convinced by Hayes’ approach (there are also other books on this, e.g. The Happiness Trap by Harris, but Hayes is the key figure in developing ACT) is that it was developed as a reaction to research/clinical studies that showed trying to ‘control’ or to ‘get rid of’ anx might work in the short-term, but it backfires in the long-term. Anx comes back and is even worse. (I read about these studies also in Forsyth, Eifert, The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety).

    THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I EXPERIENCED!!!!!

    6 years of “anxiety management” (medication, “traditional” behavior therapy, breathing techniques, relaxation and so on and so forth) have given me some relief and I could live quite a nice life (great career, getting married, lots of travel) but anx was always in the background and I was constantly fighting it down. And as I needed so much of my energy for the “anx management” I started for example to pull back from some social activities, for example going out with a group of people, big parties.’Better spend a quiet evening at home and relax than going out and socialize while having to control my anx’ – that is what I started to think. And I didn’t even realize that I pulled back because of anx, but thought that just comes with getting married, settling down…

    Well, in the end that totally backfired. I totally broke down two months ago, could not sleep for days, huge stomache problems etc. etc. Just the thought that I need to go somewhere at a certain time (even shopping with a friend!) and that I might get anxious made me feel so terrible. My psychiatrist wanted to put me on medication again (I had stopped taking antidepressants a year ago because we were thinking about trying to get pregnant – that is one of my issues … see the parallel?, but I just thought ‘if I do this now I will not be allowed to try to get pregnant’. So I refused the medication and searched for alternatives. I was so relieved when I found out about the clinical studies that so well described what happened to me. And even more relieved when I started reading Hayes (and others) on ACT.

    Though I’m totally down at the moment and can’t hardly do anything (my anx is much worse than yours right now – I can’t even leave the house without getting anxious), the readings on ACT made so much sense to me that I’m willing to give it a try – and am also already feeling how I’m slowly getting better. I can sleep again and am making small steps towards claiming my life back.

    So for me it is now, “bye, bye anx management” and “hello acceptance and commitment”.

    Maegan, all I say is, please weigh your options BEFORE going on medication! Maybe you also give ACT a shot.

    All the best from across the ocean.

  • Saskia

    December 4, 2009 |

    Oh Maegan, I’m so sorry to read you’re going through this. I don’t have any advice I’m afraid, but you’ve been given loads of helpful advice from everyone else. Please just know I’m thinking of you.

    lots of love xx

  • BallerinaToes

    December 4, 2009 |

    Maegan – I’ve been reading your fab blog for quite some time, but this is first time to comment. I’ve been where you are, but with depression added to the equation. I tried to battle it through natural means, but after not leaving the house and not sleeping for 3 months, I knew I needed more. I am so fortunate to have a wonderful internal med doc and therapist. Yes, I take meds, and most likely will for the rest of my life. And I am now ok with that. Anxiety and depression are a disease just like diabetes or high blood pressure. Your brain is the most important organ you have. Don’t underestimate the effect it has on your whole body. If you can find natural ways to balance yourself, that is wonderful. But do not be afraid to take the appropriate meds. I am very lucky that the first meds my doc tried work. Lexapro and ambien. I have zero side effects, I’m still me, but I can SLEEP and feel “normal.” If you ever want to discuss further, please do not hesitate to contact me. I’ve become very passionate about mental health. Also, check Dooce’s blog. She has been very forthcoming in her battles with depression and anxiety.

    P.S. Love your awesome pics and sense of style. XOXO and best to you.

  • Kali's Korner

    December 4, 2009 |

    I love you Maegan & I hope things start to look up for you!

  • Glamour Bbey.

    December 4, 2009 |

    I LOVE IT!

  • My Book Style

    December 4, 2009 |

    WOWWWW!!! SO PRETTY AND AMAZING PHOTOS

    KISESSS

    LAURA

    http://WWW.MYBOOKSTYLE.BLOGSPOT.COM

  • ramblings of a shopaholic

    December 4, 2009 |

    whilst going through university i would get really bad bouts of anxiety at certain points in the year when i would just break down and think what have i done and what am i doing, think about what is amazing in your life, you have an awesome husband, a great job & you’re pursuing what you love. while at the moment it might seem like nothing is right relax & know that your doing what you should be, there’s nothing wrong with you! & you’ve worked hard for your life & eventually you will be happy even if it’s not how you imagined it would be xox

  • Fabulocity in Amish Country

    December 4, 2009 |

    I’m sorry that you’re dealing with the anxiety!! 🙁 But on a better note, you look awesome! This outfit is fab! 🙂

  • Schmutzie

    December 4, 2009 |

    This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/12/five-star-fridays-edition-82.html

  • Cherish

    December 4, 2009 |

    I have been and am going through the same thing, it’s very positive that you’ve accepted your feelings and are looking for treatments and adjustments in your lifestyle. You come across as so brilliant and strong, you will come through this emerge an even better person!
    Feel free to message me anytime.
    Love Cherish x

    http://www.thisischerish.blogspot.com

  • Suzanne

    December 4, 2009 |

    great outfit! love the blazer 🙂

  • Emily Rebecca

    December 4, 2009 |

    Maegan,

    I too suffer from anxiety. Two weeks ago I went to the doctor and she gave me a prescription for Ativan. So far it is helping me. I don’t take it every day but only if I am really frustrated and feel like I am losing my mind. My stress and anxiousness comes from working full time, college full time and living by myself. There is so much to do and so much that people want of me and its a LOT, most of the time too much to handle. BUT, I go through phases and I know that I get depressed when winter comes around because i am such a summer person but I keep trying to do things to keep me on track – eating healthy, exercising, and sleeping. My doctor did say that me (women) can go through rough patches and sometimes need a little help and thats what the ativan is for. (I was crying in her office when i was talking about my anxiety issues – thats pretty embarressing). I get frustrated at myself for thinking I am weak and that I have to rely on pills to help me get through the day. I appreciate your honesty because its nice to hear other stories because at times i feel like I am going crazy, so thank you. I hope you feel better soon and keep me posted.

  • drollgirl

    December 4, 2009 |

    love your killer jacket!

    and i think you are taking all the right steps to help yourself. this is a GOOD thing. you are on your way, and i hope things just get better and better and easier and easier to manage. 🙂

  • Walk The Sand

    December 4, 2009 |

    Amazing outfit. Stay strong.
    x
    http://walkthesand.blogspot.com

  • Mademoiselle Frou-Frou

    December 5, 2009 |

    and here i thought i was the only person around with severe panic attacks…and they are absolutely the most horrible thing.
    i don’t know what the answer is either. i suppose the best immediate answer is medicine, but i would also go to a doctor who can seriously see if you have any imbalances and give natural remedies for that. i am actually going to do this…going to a Dr. Cynthia Watson in the Brentwood area. She was highly recommended to me; she does exactly what you’re looking to do.
    xo alison
    Faire Frou Frou

  • Stefanie

    December 5, 2009 |

    Beautiful outfit, that jacket is gorgeous!

    I hope you’re able to fight off those feelings, panic is such a debilitating feeling 🙁

  • gina

    December 5, 2009 |

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now. I was adamently opposed to medication for years. I suffered mainly from depression with a bit of anxiety. I tried so many different things: changing exercise, sleep, diet, alcohol consumption, caffeine consumption, yoga, therapy. Many were helpful, but nothing made as much of a dramatic difference as medication. After I went on it, I was amazed at the almost-immediate improvement. I’m so glad I tried all the other things first, b/c I made many positive, healthy changes in my life. I’m also glad that I finally relented in my opposition to medication b/c it’s been the most effective tool in fighting my depression. Now, I’m not as opposed to going on it again if needed.

    I’m sorry your experience with therapists hasn’t been too good. I’ve been very lucky in that department. Definitely go to a psychiatrist to set your dosage and monitor you when you go off the medication, not a general practicioner.

    Good luck with whatever path you take. I hope you are successful at conquering your anxiety. Thank you for being open and sharing this on your blog.

    On the subject of your clothes, I love this outfit. The classic jacket and pants in neutral colors, made so much more interesting with the addition of funky bracelets, belt and necklace. This is exactly the type of outfit that I’d love to incorporate into my daily style for work. Great inspiration.

  • Martina

    December 5, 2009 |

    I’m sorry you’re suffering anxiety, but, if it helps, you are gorgeous girl, your style is divine and we all love your blog

  • Style Porn

    December 6, 2009 |

    I’ve definitely been there. Not as much with panic but definitely with overall anxiety and depression. And I’ve come to the conclusion that if I’m going to be the person I want to be, I need to be on meds. I have people coming at me all the time, saying if I’d only exercise/do yoga/stop eating meat/stop taking birth control/stop smoking pot/etc., etc. that I’d wake up one day and be “normal” and not need meds anymore. However, I’ve tried that route, and no less than three times, it’s resulted in complete disaster. I’ve come to the realization that it’s better if I don’t mess with it when it ain’t broken, and zoloft definitely makes me not broke.

  • Candi

    December 7, 2009 |

    Hey Ms. Maegan,

    So sorry you’re going through this at the moment. You’re in my thoughts, and I hope things get better soon! xoxox Candi

    PS You’re such a strong woman, I just KNOW that everything is going to be okay!

  • Kris

    December 7, 2009 |

    Ok, take a deep breath. I suffer from anxiety too. I almost called 911 once because I couldn’t breath. That’s when I realized that it was just anxiety and now I get used to not breathing. I’m also afraid of medication and I reffuse to take it. I try to keep my anxiety under control by doing pilates, eating right, and taking herbal remedies. I realize when my anxiety is about to get out of control and I remove myself from the situation. But the best thing I can do for myself is be informed. I am informed on all of the things that worry me on a daily basis. I make lists and keep notes and it helps.

    PS-I’m having my hormones checked this week too.

  • God Made Me fuNky

    December 8, 2009 |

    Hi

    Many readers have put some really thoughtful words and suggestions. I really dont have any suggestions for you as I have not experienced this degree of anxiety, i have seen it in bits like most women, all I have for you are my prayers and love. Its amazing to see, with all these issues how beautifully you handle your life. I realy admire you. I remember you once wrote in your posts’ You always think, have i become the woman i wanted to be’ that line has stuck with me. All I am trying to say is that you are a fabulous woman with lot of strength. And I just hope that you soon find a remedy for you anxiety.THis too shal pass.

  • pinksundrops

    December 28, 2009 |

    This makes me want to cry. Because it’s exactly what I’m scared of becoming. I’m signing this with my blog within a blog. Pink Sun Drops started out as my personal venue for vents but evolved into more of a local review blog. So now I’m personally blogging here:

    http://betweenthelines.blogspot.com

    I have been through the panic attacks, the searching, and I’ve yet to try medication, although clonazepam sits in my nightstand unused from fou months ago when I was having daily panic attacks.

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    Just found your site recently and chose to comment on this post because you hit home on a few different fronts.

    In regards to the anxiety/depression cycle, for the most part, it runs in families and when you’ve exhausted every avenue of dealing with it naturally,there should be no guilt or shame in medicating when this is seriously intefeering with your enjoyment of life. Why torture yourself?

    From what I’ve seen of your blog, you are a very intelligent,beautiful, creative woman who is also a perfectionist.
    Perfectionism can lead to great pressure and anxiety in itself.

    You remind me of my daughter who is also a blogger. She is the number one blogger in Canada and is also gifted creatively.
    She is 27, blond and beautiful and suffers from bouts of anxiety and agraphobia but soldiers on with her pubic/internet life.
    She has been the number one blogger for 8 years.

    She lives in Toronto and this is her URL

    raymitheminx.com

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