What I’m Wearing
* Vintage coat …found 100 years ago at the Melrose/Fairfax flea market …for $30. yep. amazing. I love this coat
* Seven for all Mankind wide-leg jeans …also old
* Via Spiga lace-up wedge booties
* Ivory Pashmina
* Vintage Gucci bag
* Tom Ford Sunglasses
* Gold hoops
* Hair …wet-ish
If you can tell I’m not feelin’ it lately, you’d be right. If you can’t tell, then bravo. I’m pulling it off …lol.
It seems that after 5 years of controlling my anxiety, it has come back and slapped me right in the face again full throttle. Although I believe this time, it was good ol’ depression that kicked it off.
I can’t put my finger on the exact point of return {time change/seasonal depression? holidays?} but my husband seems to think it is/was the birth of my gorgeous niece. The depression may have begun with the pregnancy and turned to anxiety around October 8 or so when she was born. I really wish I could deny all of that and make it untrue but I’m pretty sure that would just cause more of this horrendous anxiety. And every time I think I get a handle on it, I have a night like last night where I slept a total of 2 hours …maybe.
I think I have a thinking problem …I cannot seem to get out of my head and just when I think I do, my head does its best to pull me right back in.
Another kicker …I’m not too fond of medication. In fact, it totally scares me. I was on a small dose of Effexor for about a year {2003-04} and coming off of it was hell -like electric shocks zzzzizzzing through my body. Since then, like I said above, I have had a handle on it. Sure I self-medicate with a little herbal medicine via vapor puff {which I have a prescription for} but I’m at such a red alert THAT now sends me over the edge and induces a minor panic attack.
I have been taking the tiniest of tiny doses of Ativan as needed {when it seems my insides are about to explode and I just want to run down the street as fast as I can} and even that freaks me out.
I think it’s time to surrender to my insanity and see a psychiatrist …a psychiatrist who can prescribe me medication to bring me back down to normal again. …although I have seen therapists in the past …one of which fell asleep just after asking me a question about my worth as a woman. So my faith in therapists is not exactly on the high scale but I worry that if I go see my regular doctor, I’ll just be a guinea pig trying drugs until one works. I’d like to figure out wtf is wrong with me …or if I, indeed, need to be medicated for the rest of my life …because at this point, it’s looking pretty good.
Anyone have any tips? Any favorites for anti-depressants/anxiety meds …for sensitive stomachs 🙂
