What I’m Wearing…
* White quilted zig-zag sweatshirt by English Factory… see it here last Spring
* Coated chinos by 7 for All Mankind
* Black turtleneck {folded under and up} by Splendid {so soft!}
* Vintage faux fur leopard coat, handmade by my Grandma in the ’60s
* Sunglasses by 3.1 Phillip Lim
* Adidas… superstars sneakers
* Balenciaga classic town bag {I think it’s time for a new bag}
* Lips by Lancome {le Carmin}
* Title: The Chainsmokers – Paris… Out on the terrace… We breathe in the air of this small town… for the thrill of it… Getting drunk on the past we were livin’ in… We’ll get away with everything, let’s show them we are better.
I suddenly feel like I finally see it all so clearly. Like all the work I’ve been doing trying to get myself out of this rut I feel like I’ve been in since we turned the clocks back, has finally paid off.
Though it doesn’t really work that way. It’s not that I’ve suddenly figured something out that I didn’t know before, it’s that I finally realized what I was doing wrong. I finally realized where my focus has been and now I know where it needs to be to move forward.
That’s an exciting thing for me; to finally feel free from the burden of negativity and focus on the things I don’t have instead of moving forward and working towards the goals I want to achieve. But something just wasn’t clicking. And part of me just needed to sort of fuck off for a while. I needed to party and to feel the energy of people and music and nightlife (even if the nightlife here is rather limiting) it was enough for what I needed. And now I’m done. Now I finally know what it is I have to do to move forward and get back to where I want to be, who I want to be, and upgrade the fuck out of my life.
My separation from my husband wasn’t supposed to break me, it was supposed to liberate me…
I suppose I needed some downtime, I suppose I can’t judge myself for the 3-4 months where I haven’t been bringing my A-game, I suppose I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. But I do know this: If I spend my time focusing on all the things I don’t have, there is no possible way they will just show up. Besides, it’s crazy when I think about the things my brain goes to when I get in that place… and when I actively look at them, they’re not the things I want now anyway. They’re the things I wanted in the past that never happened. They’re the things that keep me in the past and they’re not even remotely what I want for my future. It’s funny how our minds play tricks on us like that, and will go forever if we let them.
If we don’t control our minds, they will control us. That’s what I know for sure.
It’s not about looking for something to blame for why life isn’t the way we thought it should be… it’s about working your ass off to get to where you want to be.
Happy Friday Lovecats!
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