I know it’s still technically summer, and I’m generally not one to rush into the colder months, but it felt like fall today in a way that sort of reassured me that everything is falling into place… well, hopefully.
I guess we have to accept that life has a certain uncertainty and uncontrollable chaos where as soon as one thing falls into place, another thing falls out of place. And I’m sure the reason is to teach us something or help us evolve so as to ready us for the next adventure or pitfall, but I’m in a place where it seems it’s just one thing after another lately, and it’s weighing on me negatively. I’m not necessarily handling it all that well and I’d like to calm the storm, so to speak, and ride the waves rather than get caught up in them. It’s not as easy to continue on a high frequency, to remain positive when it feels like the waves are constantly crashing right up against my body, knocking me to the floor, yet again. It’s getting harder and harder to get back up and the instinct to flee is strong lately.
I took a short walk around the lanes, my favorite place to walk aside from the lake… and while mostly I hike it for physical health purposes, it does so much for my mental space that I long for it when I don’t make it a priority. And priority it is, it’s just that sometimes life and work get in the way and there’s no time for it. A few days of missing it and I can definitely feel something is… amiss.
While it was still warm enough for short sleeves, the air felt a little thinner and the colors a little more vibrant… The shadows from the sunlight through the trees were more apparent than usual, creating a branched out pattern over much of the landscape and the warm glowing hue overlaying everything like an Instagram filter, was a sure sign of fall to me.
I’ve probably said this with each passing season and for the last 6 years now but I love living in this place with actual seasons. This LA woman is still in awe of the wonder each season brings and the change in mood and awareness that comes with it. The season never changes in LA… it’s always one version of the same… and it gets cold at night.
I walk through a few areas where the sky is completely leaves when you look up, and they are my favorite places to stop and stare and get lost into and think about all the things I’m grateful for and take a moment to breathe and reset.
Whenever I stop, it’s as if the trees know I’m there and they immediately begin dancing… wistfully at first and then more heavily, creating a strong breeze that’s undeniable. This happens whether it’s a windy day or not… It’s like they feel my presence and begin waving back at me and it makes me smile and settle into a feeling in a way that nothing else really does. It’s what some may refer to as feeling God, I suppose. To me, it’s the universe gently letting me know that my energy is reaching out and affecting my surroundings, and responding by sending energy back my way.
In that moment, it is heaven – there is nothing else. There are no thoughts, it’s just me and the breeze and the hundred year old trees and it’s magical.
It’s an energy I can’t explain other than gratitude or love and it takes over my entire being. And it’s a moment I want to linger in forever; a high I remember feeling more often in the past than I do in the present and it’s what I’m striving to get back to.
That’s one of the reasons I love living up here, the energy of the forest and nature is incredible and something I’ve always longed to be close to. So I walk to be a part of it, to force awareness and calm into a chaotic mind, with a knowing that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be… and in those moments, nothing else matters, I am one with nature and the Universe is a part of me. I am home.
In just a few months these leaves will turn shades of yellow, orange, red and brown and then they will all fall away, and when I look up, it will be only grey sticks and branches set before a vivid blue backdrop. The trees without leaves have a special kind of beauty in the winter, especially when it snows. They seem so fragile, but they are strong… and they remind me that no matter what, they will blossom again and renew in just a few month’s time.
The season change forces us to stop, take notice, make changes – and breathe in the world around us, set new intentions and goals, make new plans and become a new version of ourselves.
Reborn, just like everything in nature, season after season. For… forever.
