As a creative person, I’m always thinking up new ways to do things and new things to create or new businesses to start or be involved in… and occasionally I share those things with other people, especially when I’m excited about them.
There are generally two kinds of reactions I get when I share my ideas with others… The first reaction is my favorite, it’s positive and hopeful and supportive and ends with a resounding “GO FOR IT, it’s going to be great!”.
This is how I respond when people tell me about new ideas or plans or goals they want to embark on.
The second response I detest. It’s generally negative and instead of saying go for it, the other person points out all the things that could go wrong with it.
As a positive person, I don’t often care what they think and am going to do it anyway. However those little doubts pop up in my head from the other person’s limited perspective and occasionally make me doubt myself or my idea or my plan. AND I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.
Most often, the negative person has no idea that their response was negative. In fact, I’d venture to say that unless they are purposely trying to crush your dreams, it’s more about their own limited version of what THEY can and can’t do in this life. So they put their worries about why they wouldn’t do it – onto you – when you tell them about it.
Again, they don’t think they’re being negative and crushing your dreams, they think they’re HELPING you by somehow pointing out all the things that could wrong and why it’s too risky to do and why you shouldn’t do it. They honestly think they’re keeping you from making a huge mistake. They don’t see it as being negative. But it 100% is absolutely negative.
Sometimes it’s close friends, partners and family members who respond this way, and sometimes it’s complete strangers. But regardless of who the negativity comes from, it only creates doubts in the mind of the dreamer.
Even though I know like I know like I KNOW that it’s their own limited beliefs about what they can accomplish in their life, it’s sometimes difficult to shake those doubts once you hear them. But I urge you -like I urge myself- to push through them, to know that it’s on them and not about you.
Remember to not let them squash your dreams and goals. Forge on knowing that only you know what you are capable of and that you CAN do whatever it is that you want to do and create the life that you want to live.
Excerpt from Follow Your Passion, Find Your Power by Bob Doyle ~ pages 118-121
Remember [that certain] people are in your life because you were, up to this point, a vibrational match for them. Now that you’re changing who you are in a significant way… you’re going through a true energetic transformation.
What you’re putting out there now may not resonate with the people in your life, and what’s going to show up is THEIR STUFF.
Anytime a person tells you what isn’t possible for YOU, keep firmly in mind that this is THEIR STUFF. They are speaking THEIR truth, most likely about what THEY see as possible or [impossible] for themselves. They’re just directing it at you.
If these are people close to us, it is going to be very easy for us to be triggered by familiar emotional patterns or behavioral patterns that quickly return us to our own familiar emotional responses…
When people are your obstacle, it is often because you are concerned about what they will think about you should you suddenly take a new direction in life.
At that point you have to ask yourself the all important question:
Whose life am I living?
Are you living YOUR life, or are you living a version of your life that you hope will please everyone else?
The honest answer to that question is important if you’re truly going to walk your own path.
It is easy to get concerned over the fear associated with relationships transforming significantly or falling away completely, but that concern is also simply a choice we are making. Many of us have been taught that the ending of a relationship is something to be mourned. Instead, we can celebrate every moment of every relationship for what it means to us. When the time comes to move on, we can do so with no hurt and no sadness, trusting that all was for the greater good and that perhaps, if appropriate, our paths will cross again.
Alas, we’re not wired like that for the most part. We get attached to our relationships, even if we’re clear that they are not serving us at all.
Indeed, it takes tremendous commitment to yourself to move through the “people obstacles” related to committing to living your vision and it’s mostly because of how we’ve been conditioned to emotionally respond in relationship-oriented situations.
Another way we perceive people as obstacles is as literal obstructions: “He/she won’t let me.” or “He/she is preventing me from doing it.”
In these cases, you have chosen to give up your personal power to someone else for some reason. The reasons could be infinite. And if you’re using this as a reason, you probably rationalize doing so very well. After all, you can probably point to situation after situation where he/she was a block to your progress.
What you’re not seeing is that YOU have attracted that person because you yourself have resistance to actually “doing it” (whatever it is), and you have literally manifested a person who will tell you not to, or make it seem like you can’t.
Until you eliminate your own resistance to doing what you truly want, these people will always show up in your life in some form in a way that will give you a reason to stop. The benefit is that you get to blame someone else, absolving yourself of responsibility.
The problem with blaming someone else, of course, is that it again takes away all your power, and leaves you with no options whatsoever.
An infinite number of options are available to you if you allow them in. When you can take responsibility for the obstacles that show up simply by acknowledging that somehow you are in vibrational resonance with them, then you have the power to consciously choose to resonate with something else. This might be a whole new set of people who come into your life to fully support you in your vision. At the same time that you are bringing these people into your life, you are allowing them to express who they truly are as well.
The value of the combined group can create more change in the world than you can imagine… simply because you started down your own path.
In the last six months, I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching, figuring out the directions I want to take in my life now that I am no longer married. There is A LOT of alone time, and from time to time it gets very difficult, but it’s important to stay true to myself and focused on my own path and live the life I truly want to call my own.
I find it quite interesting that the people who I found to be negative on a regular basis are no longer in my life. The pattern is obvious and makes me smile. While I miss certain things about those individuals, I don’t miss the negative energy that was directed at me. I now have a group of beautiful friends who are insanely positive, supportive, and creative in their own lives, and it’s amazing how the energy flow empowers us all to be more ourselves, knowing that we can truly turn our dreams into our reality.
This book, Follow Your Passion, Find Your Power by Bob Doyle is fantastic for the moments of hesitation and doubt that inevitably pop up when life gets difficult and when you feel a little lost.