You’ve Got Stars in Your Eyes & I’ve Got Somethin’ Missin’ Tonight

black skinny jeans_black muscle crop t-shirt

What I’m Wearing…

* Old Norton tee I cut into a muscle shirt one hundred million years ago. It’s fun to wear it again.
* Black ripped skinny jeans by DSTLD… Worn in maybe one of my favorite style posts ever
* Round black/gold sunglasses by Thierry Lasry
* Black suede ankle strap sandals {again} by Jeffery Campbell… I think I may have to not only get a second black pair of these, but also get every single other color they come in because, LOVE
* Balenciaga classic town bag

* Title: One Direction ‘What A Feeling’When the air ran out and we both started running wild, the sky fell down… With no way out, and a long way down, everybody needs someone around… but I can’t hold you too close now… through the wire, through the wire.

I thought I’d revisit a little One Direction for a minute and this song reminds me so much of a Fleetwood Mac song, it’s hard not to like it. It has dual meaning for me today…

* * *

Just as I was heading out to run some errands on Tuesday afternoon, there was a knock at the door, and when I looked out the window and saw a white Prius sitting in the driveway across the lane I thought, no way… but there he was, my husband, standing at the door… and in that moment I felt myself completely withdraw and close up, and as the adrenaline rushed from my toes to my head, a panic and anxiety surged inside of me that I haven’t felt for, well, a very long time.

I ended up having to take a little Xanax to regulate my emotions, because I was so utterly overwhelmed by them… we’ve been talking but we haven’t seen each other in 4 months. It was awkward and sad and so many things. We had moments that felt so normal and great but I was protecting myself most of the time and holding back. I was so taken off guard, I didn’t really know how to handle it at all.

Obviously I miss him, we miss each other, but we’ve become different people and I don’t think either of us like who we became with each other, over and through the years. We’re both finding ourselves again, and I wonder if we have enough time between us, to do so, could we find ourselves together again and not fall right back into our old selves?

I’m not sure. I often thought if a separation would eventually, ultimately bring us back together, but I think he’s enjoying living in LA again and doesn’t want to live up on the mountain anymore, and there’s no way I want to leave it.

I wonder if a pseudo-long distance relationship could work? I wonder if an pseudo-open marriage could work? I don’t know anyone in a similar situation to ask for guidance… but I know that this is confusing and sad and horrible and that there is still so much love. I wonder if we could be the couple that makes it work? I dunno… I dunno anything at all.

black ripped jeans_norton crop top muscle shirt_blonde hair

black sinny jeans_crop top muscle tee

black jeans black crop top_ blonde hair -bw

black jeans_crop top

norton muscle tee crop top - bw

Happy Thursday Lovecats! IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY!


* Find all my Style Posts here

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

5 Comments

  • Anastasia

    August 4, 2016 |

    Hey Maegan,

    Longtime follower here.
    Thought I would offer you some… perspective? Support? Encouragement you’re not alone.

    Last summer I moved away from my finace of 5 years. I am from a beautiful waterfront city and he was living in a rural prairie location. Sparing you many details – but I just felt like I lost myself and came home. His work doesn’t allow him a relocation, so I chose myself and moved back to where I could try to find my “happy”.

    Fast forward 14 months and I am happy, but there’s a big hole in my life. I miss him dearly, though (similar to you) we became people who weren’t authentic in the end – we weren’t who we liked anymore and weren’t our best selves. I wonder if I miss him, or the concept he represented to me… as a spouse, a confidante, a person that I have not been able to replace?

    We are 13 hours and 1500km apart. I ask myself every day if I could still be his partner from out here. We are in touch (took an 8 month break then reconnected… panic like you outlined and uncertainty as well.. I medicated with Pinot Noir not Xanax) but in the end, he’s a comfort and so easy to slip back into the effervescent, summery glow of new love again.

    I find that being in a long-distance-or-whatever-you-call-us position… we aren’t giving ourselves the fair chance that we both deserve. He is a wonderful man who deserves more, as I do I. Though we respect eachother and don’t fight nearly as much as we did co-habituating… it’s because we don’t cohabitate and therefore don’t have as much of a conjoined “life” as we once did.

    I’m rambling… but I thought I would let you know I yearn for the man I wish I could have in the capacity I want to define. It’s not easy, I’m there with you sister.

    Sending vibes to make your decision making easier. Lord knows it’s a struggle.

    • Katana

      August 7, 2016 |

      lots of love and light to you.. i love reading your story and I hope you’re remembering your meditation practice and that tobacco is a sacred plant. Use it like a medicine and it won’t be so hard to quit- like Vicodin is good for short term pain relief but not good long term. And try American Spirit brand, it has fewer chemicals.

  • Caitlyn S. cstone412cs

    August 4, 2016 |

    I’m with a man but wish he was a totally different person. Your situation sounds similar- we aren’t separated yet, thankfully never married but did have a child- we fight all the time. I resent him for everything and he is just a negative dorchester when he used to be this light hearted funny guy…. so I feel you when you say you guys don’t like who you both grew into. We have our 3 year old together…..but we’ve been together 6 years and it’s just not what I want, he’s not what I thought he was….I see the signs now and i wish I saw them before *it was too late* and before a child was brought into it. And i was engaged once, he was a love of my life, but really bad for me (really into drugs….and not the *light* ones…..anyway…..we used to keep in touch after we broke up. And i didn’t hear from him for about 6 months. I kept trying his cell, and finally it gave me this phone has been shut off, message… (sorry for poor grammar but too tired to try to fix it)….anyway, i called his dad (we were together 4 years and i was close with his whole family so I didn’t mind checking with his dad)- i left a message on his dad’s voice mail saying, I’ve been trying to get a hold of Tom and haven’t heard anything for months, his phones off, it’s not like him to change number and not tell me unless his girlfriend didn’t want us still talking……I am so hapoy, in a way, that I didn’t answer when my phone rang back, i thought it might be .Tom but i was nervous to talk to him. But it was his dad. He left me the worst message of my life. Tom had passed away about 7 months ago. What?! I never got to say my goodbyes….I mean I said goodbye to our relationship but we still talked. I still don’t think I ever gotten over that phone call and it’s been like 5 years. In a way he was the love of my life and possibly a soul mate (i believe it’s possible to have possibly more than one) but i know it was a dangerous situation because I have a very addictive personality. And upon some digging and asking some mutual friends, it turns out that he blew his kidneys out. He had an *injured back* that he used to ‘milk’ and even tho I told his parents more than once and called his doctor- he would get 120 5mg percs at a time and take like 12 or more at a time…..so about 9 months before he died, his kidneys gave out and he ended up on dialysys. I guess the night he died, his parents called him up for supper and he never came, and they found him on the bathroom floor- his heart had given out. And i felt like mine did too. I’m 32. Besides the young, crazy love i had with him- and the good 2 years I had at the beginning with my daughters dad (but how good could it have possibly been when the guy never held a steady job (to this day), is 39 and still lives with dad and has never left (except the 5 more the he lived with me at my apartment before I lost my good job. And he plays video games like it’s a job yet doesn’t seem to care to find a job…, i always tell him, that if he put the time and effort that he puts I to video games (about 10 hours a day or more, or about 8 when he’s working), he’d be a fkn millionaire! Sorry I’m rambling….. I just am stuck with him because I have no where to go, no family, I’ve been isolated from friends male or female because he’s Insecure, for good reason. But I’m just living with him and his dad til I can make a break for it, but I’m 32 now, have 2 kids, and i feel like by the time I do get to leave him- I’ll be mid 30s and it will be even harder to find a decent guy.,.,,,,now if i looked like you, my dear, anything would be possible lol. Before I saw the previous commenter’s post, all I was going to say is what does your hair dresser do to your hair to get it so sexy and beautiful blonde? But then I saw her post and it got me going lol…..sorry for the novel and life story! Not on the topic of dudes, but i just had a 6 plus month nightmare ordeal with ulta salon….they fd my hair up once, and we’re supposed to fix it and made it worse,,,,that’s why I’m asking about your hair….. take care sweets. Sorry I talked about mostly me, i hope everything works out for you and it will, time heals all wounds. And if you guys didn’t work before, you can try to take it slow and maybe see each other but chances are it probably isn’t going to work, but there is a chance- there’s always a chance. I don’t know enough about the situation to tell you more than that…. the only thing I can tell you is try to follow your heart- listen to your head but follow your heart as well. You look hapoy and beautiful and if i could trade lives with you I probably would lol. Take care hun.

  • RedSportsCar

    August 5, 2016 |

    Outfit is saucy, sassy, and so perfectly impudent!

  • Natalie

    August 21, 2016 |

    Relationships are hard. I think taking some you time is great, but just do what feels right. Don’t do what other people do, or worry what they think or say. It’s your life. Its hard when a relationship ends because people have changed, you’ve shared so much with a person, and you do love them, but people change. I hope you figure it out what works best for you. xoxo