LeRoy is Gone ~ All The Sad Faces and Ugly Cries

black french bulldog-leroy

frenchie puppy

LeRoy puppy

puppy dream shirt sleeping

My eyes are red and swollen. I can only keep myself from crying for a few hours’ time, if that. Then I am reminded that he is no longer here by some random noise, smell, or feeling and it all comes flooding back again. LeRoy is gone.

The husband brought him to the vet on Tuesday, and a woman we had never seen before was there to help, and she was just what we needed. She is a Frenchie owner herself and she assured us that LeRoy was suffering and no longer really “there”. I don’t believe in coincidences, so it was no surprise she was there just when we needed her to be.

He scheduled the appointment for the following day, Wednesday morning as soon as they could, and the husband took care of everything including payment the night before so that we wouldn’t be bothered with it during our grief. I didn’t go then because I knew if I were there we would have decided to do it then and I still wasn’t ready. When they returned home, LeRoy finally stopped pacing and just slept. It was as if he was trying to tell us something was wrong with his pacing and once we finally understood, he was able to rest.

I laid next to him on and off all day and through the night and pet and cuddled him endlessly. Even if he only knew who I was for seconds at a time, if that, I wanted him to know I was there whenever he awoke from his slumber. We cooked him a steak dinner and rice and he barely did anything but sleep and eat. He looked worse than ever. When he tried to walk, he would simply fall on his face. It was so sad but at least we felt we were doing the right thing. He was miserable.

We tried our best not to think about what was to come, though we were devastated, but spent as much time with him as we could possibly do so in 24hours time.

Wednesday morning was so hard, we just laid with him and cried until it was time to go.

I was holding LeRoy in my arms, in his gray hoodie sweatshirt, my favorite one on him, while he just stared off into the distance. He didn’t know where he was even as we walked into the vet, he was calm. The same vet the husband had talked to the previous day was there and as I was sobbing uncontrollably she assured me again that it was the right thing to do.

We sobbed and pet him and told him we loved him and that he was a good boy until he was quiet and no longer there. And then we cried on and off for the rest of the day. I can’t believe how hard it has been.

I’m so sorry to lay this heavy and sad news on you, but I can’t seem to think about anything else let alone find the creativity to post for now. I’m guessing there will be at least one more LeRoy post in the coming week, as I mourn this loss… it’s the only way I know how.

Thank you for all your sweet emails and comments, here, on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. You’ve all been so supportive and it has been so helpful. I know anyone who has pets in their family has had to deal with this kind of loss, and it’s just heartbreaking on so many levels. Thank you all for your kind words lately.

 

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

58 Comments

  • Alex

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you all <3

  • Erika

    January 30, 2014 |

    My heart is in a thousand pieces for you both. I have four fur babies and have gone through the horror you both are going through. 9+ years are never enough and I know each time you look down to your feet and the face isn’t there to return your glance, it’s torture. I hope you’ve see the rainbow bridge poem, its beautiful if nothing else. However I didn’t find it overly soothing. What I did find soothing was something the vet who helped me say goodbye to my Myles told me the day I took that walk into the Vets office….

    “Myles is moving on to make room for another little one that needs the love, home, family and care that it has not gotten yet in a shelter or store . When you’re ready you’ll have another little guy/girl who will look up at you like you’re their biggest hero….and that little one wouldn’t have had the chance for a family unless Myles moved on”

    I’m not sure why it helped, but it did. I wish you nothing but comfort and healing right now. Your little guy let you know and you both we’re attentive enough to see his signs. LeRoy was a lucky little guy and I know someday there will be little guy/girl that will be lucky enough to have you both a fur parents.

  • Emily

    January 30, 2014 |

    Thinking of you and tearing up at my desk reading this. I’m so sorry it had to come so quickly and drastically. Hopefully he is at peace and happy wherever his now. Be blessed knowing he was a happy, pampered, loved baby.

  • Michelle

    January 30, 2014 |

    Oooh Maegan :'( I am so so so so so sorry for your loss. I had to skip some parts of the article because this is so sad and made me cry. It’s just devastating :'( My thoughts are with you and your husband. Please try to get a new pet when you feel ready for it. When I lost my lovely dog, I got a new pet as soon as I could. Although nothing or anybody can replace our loved pets, a new member helps you with the pain and will bring you joy and make you smile again. Love from NJ xoxox

  • Pep Tintari

    January 30, 2014 |

    R.I.P. Leroy Tintari, I miss you so much 🙁

  • Jurate Brown

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so so sorry for your loss Meagan.. We experience several losses in our live time, and unfortunately the loss of a loved-one, whether human or animal, are one in the same.
    Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome…
    I lost my Boy Blue couple years ago, I I know the pain you feel.
    I suggest you to do somethng in memory of your Leroy. Plant a tree, donate to a shelter or college of veterinary medicine.. It help me with my grieve.

    Jurate

  • aline

    January 30, 2014 |

    i am so incredibly sorry for your family. leroy is lucky to have been so loved.

  • Kat

    January 30, 2014 |

    So sorry Maegan! Big hugs to you my friend. I’ll miss seeing that sweet face.

  • Tarah Malano

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am soo sorry for your loss…I lost my kitty Sophia last April to a brain tumor after 17 years…I know that we don’t “know each other” but I feel your pain and wish that I could give you a hug. I wish I had words that would bring you comfort but know that LeRoy had the best life any dog could of wished for and he is not in pain any longer.

  • Yvette

    January 30, 2014 |

    So sorry for your loss. I’ve been through this once and I just laid on the floor and cried. He’s a lucky fella to have known you and you him. If only he knew house famous he was. Prayers to him and all of you.

  • kelly

    January 30, 2014 |

    So sorry for your loss. I teared up reading this.

  • Erin

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry Maegan! I know its so hard. Having to do this a few years ago with my beloved cat was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. *hugs*

  • LornaMi

    January 30, 2014 |

    So sad for you and your husband. Did you read “The Rainbow Bridge?” It is comforting to me, and sometimes – maybe once a year – I picture the little fur guys and girls we’ve lost playing together until they see me for our happy reunion. I love Erika’s vet’s thoughts above, too. A new LeRoy is waiting in the wings for your wonderful love! I hope you go for it.

  • Grit & Glamour™ (@gritandglamour)

    January 30, 2014 |

    Maegan, crying with you. So, so sorry you had to let LeRoy go. I’m going to miss him too.

    Know that you did the right thing. It’s selfishness that makes us want to keep our animals with us as long as possible, through pain and discomfort they don’t deserve. Choosing to let them go gently, lovingly, and peacefully is just as much a gift as all the love and tenderness you show them over the years. He knew you loved him. He always will.

    Sending you a big virtual hug. Take care, sweet lady.

  • Patty

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how it is to lose a pet, especially a dog. There are no words to describe it. My heart goes out to you and your husband. {{{Hugs}}}

  • drollgirl

    January 30, 2014 |

    he was the best, and he was so lucky to be yours. i am so so so so sorry. hugs, girl.

  • MA

    January 30, 2014 |

    Sending huge hugs to you and your hub! It is so difficult to say goodbye to our beloved fur kids, and LeRoy was very loved. xo

    I am also sending cuddles to BeBop, as he will mourn too.

    <3

  • Loulou

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved pet LeRoy. I can only imagine your grief and hope what they say is true, that time heals all, because the way you feel right now must hurt so much.

  • Hannah

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am SO sorry you are going through this.. I can’t even read this all the way through. I can only imagine how devastating it must be to not only experience that kind of loss, but to make that difficult decision. I know I’ll be heartbroken when the time comes for me to do the same.. my deepest condolences for you. LeRoy was very loved and that’s all that matters. Hugs hugs hugs. <3

  • Valeriya M

    January 30, 2014 |

    No amount of hugs will help you right now. Just know this, he is not suffering anymore and you gave him a beauitful life.

  • Ivonne

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so sorry for your loss. God has a new angel puppy in heaven. Sending lots of love your way.

    Ivonne.

  • Melissa

    January 30, 2014 |

    Your strength, courage, and love will get you through. LeRoy was a lucky boy to have you and Pep as parents!

  • Yu

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’ve been reading you for the past 3 years and never had the courage to write or comment until I read today about your precious LeRoy..

    I lost my 5 years old German shepherd last year and a friend approached me these words that I wanna to share with you..

    I know that you must miss me,
    By the tears rolling down your face.
    But believe me when I tell you that,
    I’m in a very good place.
    There are meadows here to run in,
    And plenty of rabbits to chase.
    There are other dogs to play with,
    To frolick with and race.
    So please don’t worry about me,
    My spirit feels light as can be.
    There’s no more pain to plague me,
    I’m young again and free.
    And I’ll be watching over you still,
    of that you can be sure.
    I’m your canine guardian angel,
    And my love for you remains pure.

    THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF AN EXTREMELY DISTINGUISHED DOG

    I, Rocko, because of the burden of my illness and realizing the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my Last Will and Testament in the mind of my Master. She will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in her loneliness, she will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask her to inscribe it as a memorial to me.

    I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master, Vicky, who I know will mourn me the most, to my companion, Will, but if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely exceptional dog.

    I ask my Master to remember me always but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to her in time of sorrow and a reason for added joy in her happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause her pain. Let her remember that, while no dog ever had a happier life, I have now grown ill and pained. I should not want my pride to sink to a bewildered humiliation. It is time for me to say “good-bye”. It will sorrow me to leave her but not sorrow me to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What will come to me after death? I will be in a place where one is always young; where I will someday be joined by companions I have known in life; where I will romp in lovely fields with those that have gone before me; where every hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and remembers the old brave days on earth and the love of one’s Master.

    This is much to expect but peace, at least, is certain, and a long rest for these weakened limbs. And eternal sleep is perhaps, after all, the best.

    One last request I earnestly make. I ask her, for love of me to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have another Lab. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me, she cannot live without one! I have never had a narrow spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good. Some dogs are better than others–like me–and so I suggest a Black Lab as my successor. She can hardly be as well bred or as mannered or as distinguished and beautiful as I, but my Master must not ask the impossible. She will do her best, I am sure, and even her inevitable defects will help keep my memory green. To her I bequeath my collar and leash. I leave her my place in the car which I loved so much and wish for her long rides with open windows.

    One last word of farewell, dear Master. Whenever you think of me, say to yourself with regret but also with happiness in your heart at the remembrance of my happy life with you, “She is the one who loved us and whom we loved.” No matter how deep my sleep, I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail

    The end.

    I hope this words give you some peace and comfort..
    I send you a huge hug from Asuncion – Paraguay

  • shakedblueberries

    January 30, 2014 |

    Rest in peace sweet LeRoy <3

  • Anonymous

    January 30, 2014 |

    So sorry for your loss. This poem has provided me and some friends comfort throughout the years.

    IF IT SHOULD BE

    If it should be that I grow frail and weak
    And pain should keep me from my sleep;
    Then you must do what must be done,
    For this last battle can’t be won.

    You will be sad, I understand;
    But don’t let grief then stay your hand.
    For this day more than all the rest,
    Your love for me must stand the test.

    We’ve had so many happy years;
    What is to come can hold no fears.
    You don’t want me to suffer so
    The time has come, please let me go.

    Take me where my needs they’ll tend,
    But please stay with me ’til the end
    To hold me close and speak to me
    Until my eyes no longer see.

    I know in time you will agree,
    It was a kindness done for me.
    Although my tail its last has waved,
    From pain and suffering I’m saved.

    Please do not grieve that it was you
    Who had this painful thing to do.
    We’ve been so close, we two, these years;
    Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

    (–Author Unknown–)

  • Penny

    January 30, 2014 |

    Meagan as difficult as it is to let our pets go, we know when it is the right time. We had a cocker spaniel that had seizures and the meds just made it worse as she paced and wandered and panted. If they lowered the dosage the seizures continued to come back two fold. It is a very heart wrenching thing to go through and even though she has been gone for 10 years, my heart still breaks and I cry at times. She use to run around with her right ear in her mouth all the time, when she was a happy girl which was all the time pretty much, and I remember that picture of her and it makes me smile. I think I lost a child that day but I also know she is no longer suffering. Remember LeRoy has111

  • Amanda

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry, Maegan! Losing a dog was one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with, so I know what you’re feeling now. He was a lucky boy to have had you guys in his life, and you were lucky as well. For now, all you can do is feel it. And keep writing, that helps. xoxo

  • Amanda @ A.Co est. 1984

    January 30, 2014 |

    Oh Maegan–my heart breaks for you. Tears pour down my face as I read this, imaging it being myself in your shoes. I’m so sad for you–SO SO SOOOOO SAD 🙁

    Sending a BIG HUG and thinking about you in SUCH a difficult time 🙁 🙁 🙁

  • Guest

    January 30, 2014 |

    My heart is breaking and my tears are flowing. Always remember that you and your dear husband did the right thing. All I can say right now is that you two have been the best and most caring pet owners. Always being home for your dears, never leaving them alone for long periods of time. The luckiest pets, always having someone around to keep them company. Give Bebop a big kiss from me. Take good care of yourselves, and always know that you have wonderful and caring people out here who are always thinking of you.

  • Jena

    January 30, 2014 |

    I have been readimg your blog for years now but have never commented before. I just wanted to say that I am sorry and that it does get easier. After Christmas a couple of years ago I had to put down my 17 year old cat. I had had her since she was a kitten. She had been with me since I was 19 and it felt like losing a part of myself. But it does get better, it just takes some time. You and your husband are in my thoughts.

  • Jess

    January 30, 2014 |

    We had to put our little kitty down due to illness last summer. Hardest thing I have ever had to do. Just reading your post makes me miss her – my heart goes out to you and your family.

  • Jenn {The Stylish Housewife}

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry Maegan. My heart is heavy for you. I know how much of a part of your family LeRoy was. Thinking of you girlie.

    XO, Jenn

  • Regina Marya Magdal Girardello Bellucci

    January 30, 2014 |

    Sei exatamente o que está sentindo, pois tive que deixar partir para o Céu dos cães uma Lhasa Apso que teve o mesmo problema que o seu LeRoy, também capotava de frente, eram raras as vezes em que sabia quem eu e marido éramos…….Foi muito duro, triste e isso foi há cinco anos, mas ainda tenho tantas saudades da minha Duduka, lembro dela todos os dias e acompanhei você e seu marido com o seu LeRoy, mas você tema ainda o Beboop…..
    Eles, os cães, deviam vier o tanto que nós vivemos, mas Deus os fez viver menos para nos ensinar a amar….é triste, eu sei, sinto a sua dor, mas pense que se outro cãozinho também está muito triste, ajude-o a superar a perda do LeRoy e ele ajudará você e a seu marido.
    Acredito que todos os cães que morrem, vão para OS ETERNOS CAMPOS DE CAÇA DO SENHOR! Lá onde eles não caçam nada mas se divertem muito, Pois Deus se diverte muito com eles…
    Força e um grande abraço de quem está do outro lado do oceano, de quem está no Brasil.!

  • Natalia Álvarez Fernández

    January 30, 2014 |

    I started to mourn just reading the title … My puppy left us a few days before Christmas, I know how you feel … Now both will play together in heaven…
    From Spain, my thoughts are with you …
    XOXO

  • Jessi

    January 30, 2014 |

    My heart is breaking for you. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do to help you heal. I am glad LeRoy got to call you his while he was here-it has always been obvious how much you love him and BeBop. I’ll be thinking of you guys.

  • Elizabeth

    January 30, 2014 |

    This brought a tear to my eye, I’m so so sorry for your loss lovely. Losing a pet is a horrific thing, they’re part of the family! I really hope feel better soon.

    Elizabeth Daisy x | Candyfloss Curls, Cupcakes & Couture

  • Stephanie

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so sorry for your loss. Puppies are irreplaceable, they are much more than pets. They are our children, brothers, sisters, etc. Losing pets is never something you get over but you do get used after a while. Stay strong, you did the right thing. Even though it’s hard to realize that yet.

  • Stella

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry. 🙁

  • Kyleigh

    January 30, 2014 |

    My heart goes out to you Maegan. Losing a pet is so terrible and heartbreaking. I wish I could give you a hug in real life, help in some way if it was possible so instead I send love and good thoughts to you over the internet. I’m sorry your family is going through this right now. But LeRoy is far more comfortable and happy now.

    All the best! xxx

  • Ellen

    January 30, 2014 |

    Hugs. Your love for him is inspiring, you gave him an amazing life, and then peace. I understand your feeling.

  • Laura @ Laura Wears...

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so sorry for your loss. LeRoy was a lucky to have such loving parents.

  • Lydia

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’ve been reading your blogs for a long time and one of my favorite parts was your pups. I’m so so very sorry that your sweet LeRoy is gone. I’ve been through the same thing before and I know how hard it is but you did the right thing. You gave him a wonderful life. You loved him and he loved you.

  • Jermica

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved doggie. My condolences to you and your husband at this difficult time.

  • JoDi

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry. The only thing I can say is that it does get better. It feels like it never will, but the pain will ease a bit in time. Sending you hugs for your broken heart.

  • Christiane

    January 30, 2014 |

    So, So sorry for your loss! Crying for you and your husband and remembering our little Maurice! My heart goes out to you and your Husband! I have been there myself and know it was probably one of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make, but also the best!
    All the best!
    Loves…

  • Marissa

    January 30, 2014 |

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to see a loved pet, that is so much more than a pet, suffer and pass on into foreverland. My heart is with you, your husband, and Bebop.

  • Angela Wiebe

    January 30, 2014 |

    HUGS

  • AJ Rogers

    January 30, 2014 |

    My heart aches for you both… much love to you.

  • Gina Castro

    January 30, 2014 |

    I was lead to comment after reading Ashlee’s instagram post of your loss. I was just driving home today thinking about how much I missed my beloved Bruno. He was 12 1/2 when he passed last may. The year before my other Love’s Lana and Lola passed, they were litter mates and my first dogs, I was lucky to have had them bless my life for 15 years. I don’t think we ever get over it. I have a new addition my boxer Val, she has brought so much joy into my life and my timeless Lana and Bruno live on in my heart and on my website forever. So sorry I think I agree with one of your first commenters recommendation about a nice hardback with happy memories to live on forever. Love, Gina and Valentina

  • Elyse

    January 30, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry for your loss. This brought me to tears. It’s going to really hurt for awhile but just think of what an awesome life he lived with you!

  • Thankfifi

    January 31, 2014 |

    Why is the right thing so often the hardest thing? I know this feeling and it’s just a sadness right down to your toes. Take comfort from each other.x

  • Timea

    January 31, 2014 |

    Hello Maegan, i´ve been reading your blog for a while (3-4 years). What i love about your blog is your style of course, but what catched my heart most is the fact, that you´re not affraid to share all your thoughts, experiences and all the things you´ve through. And i really appreciate it. Your dogs are like your children and i can´t imagine how hard it must be for you and your husband. LeRoy is on a better place now. It may take some time, but i believe one day all the pain and sadness is gone. I wish you all the best and a lot of strenght! kisses and hugs

  • Nicki

    January 31, 2014 |

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Me and my husband loss our four-legged daughter right before Thanksgiving and we still cry for her weekly. I don’t think we will ever stop missing her she was such a part of our lives. Again I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you find some comfort in Leroy no longer suffering.

  • Lilach

    January 31, 2014 |

    Dear Maegan, I’m so sorry for your loss.
    LeRoy had a wonderful family. Sending my love to you.

  • Malinda Lloyd

    February 3, 2014 |

    I am so sorry for your loss. Having to make that decision is one of the hardest things to do in life. He had a good life – a best friend and two awesome pack leaders, what more could a dog want?

  • Alma Miranda

    February 5, 2014 |

    I am so deeply sorry. 🙁 I know how much that hurts. He is pain free now, the little angel.
    Hugs

  • Alma Miranda

    February 17, 2014 |

    Every time you cry and send you pain in the newsletter, I cry with you. I cannot forget the photo of him looking into the closed cabinet door where his food was stored. He is missed. 🙁

    • Maegan Tintari

      February 17, 2014 |

      Thank you 🙁 I miss him so much it hurts.