Saturday morning was very emotional for me. Every time I looked at the bouquet I started tearing up. Kelley called and I sobbed to her on the phone. Pep would try to hug me and I’d soak his shoulder in saline. I’m sure there were many reasons for the tears but mostly, I was still struggling with doing what was right in this situation. I actually called my mom on Thursday afternoon and was welcomed with her usual, excitedly high pitched “HI MAEGAN” to which I was confused. We had a nice convo (which confused me more) and decided to go to therapy together to work through our issues. I think it was a step in the right direction. I love my mom and I’d rather share love than tension and anger.
So, this afternoon, Pep and I went to my mom’s to see her and Barry meet in the backyard before their wedding. She looked so beautiful. I haven’t seen her beauty shine like it did today in so many years. That makes me happy for her. She is truly happy and loves Barry and I hope they will grow together in love.
We took pictures in the backyard of them and with my bro and sis and then I hugged Barry and told him I was happy he was marrying my mom and he said “You should really be there” and I just smiled and walked away. I walked over to my mom and hugged her and told her congratulations and that I was happy for her. I was barely keeping it together.
Then, we gathered everything together and they all headed to the beach for the small ceremony and Pep and I went home.
I couldn’t help feeling a bit empty inside but I knew there was purpose behind the decision not to go. I know she wanted me there but she was very understanding and accepting of my decision. I really truly did want to be a part of it but felt compelled to stick my ground. I cannot allow myself to regret it too much because it was a decision I had to make. Even if it makes me an asshole, I think my mother and my relationship will flourish because of it. And even if it did nothing else but to signify the two of us moving forward with our lives individually, connected as mother/daughter but not completely tied to each other’s life outcome, that is a good thing too.
I can see the wedding in my head and it was beautiful. I called her and by chance, it was right as they were walking back to the car after the ceremony. I can’t believe my timing was so perfect. I remembered her call to me right after Pep and I got married and I thought she would like the same congratulatory call. She sounded so happy. I could hear the huge smile on her cheeks. She said that strangers on the beach were congratulating them and at the end, the seals popped their heads out of the ocean, which reminded her of our little dog Rikki from days of yore. I told her he was there with her.
I wished them a happy honeymoon and I could hear a tiny tinge of a whimper in her voice. She said I love you. I said I love you too.
Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Woodward!