What I’m Wearing…
* Vintage Emilio Pucci for Formfit Rogers as coverup… blue version available at Etsy – mine is missing the waist tie… but I like it better loose-fitting
* Vintage Levi’s cutoffs – also seen here and here
* Badlands Desert Hot Spring Ikat Bikini from Mauka Collective
* Panama hat
* Gucci sunglasses
* Balenciaga bag
* Vince slides… not seen
* Title: NoMBe ‘California Girls’… She loves the sunlight… How it paints on her soft skin… Takes care of those tan lines… Scar tissue from the morphine… Baby, don’t you know you are stardust… And you’re a long, long way from home, way from home… So baby, brush it off like it’s sawdust… Or you’ll spend the California days alone, days alone
I was dreading shooting this. I put it off for a few weeks, but I only had so many warm summer days left by the lake to get it done and I promised I would, so I did.
The photos came out better than I thought they would. Better than I felt that day, and I’m happy about that… because this super cute bikini by new swimwear label Mauka Collective which hails from these mountains and this gorgeous lake – needed a post of its own. I love to support not only this community but any woman or women who are brave enough to start something of their own and put it out there for the world to see. ( go find/follow them on Instagram! @mauka.collective ) These bikinis are so soft and so comfy and come in a few different styles and colors – but I love this one from the Badlands Collection…
Anyway… we headed down to the lake knowing we had a few issues to deal with while shooting; first off, it’s difficult to shoot in direct sunlight with this lens (which I’m sure is what this filter is for, but I don’t have one) and secondly – and honestly, I just haven’t been feeling 100% about my body lately because I’ve been too busy to make my health a priority, and suddenly it all felt like what I had worked for was crumbling AND NOW I HAVE TO SHOOT SWIMWEAR and really, knowing you have to be in a bikini when you’re not feeling 100% is just not a confidence booster.
When I turned 38-1/2 years old ( a few years ago now ) I decided that I wanted to go into my ’40s as strong as possible and changed my lifestyle to match my new goal. There weren’t any drastic changes but I made four key things a priority and created new habits and rituals I included in my life every day.
* Daily meditation
* Daily walks/hikes – through the hilly lanes around my house for at least 40 minutes
* Nightly stretching/yoga/strength training before bed
* Rebounding on my trampoline ( IF I didn’t get a walk in )
* Conscious eating and less sugar intake
It took a while but when my 40th birthday finally arrived, I felt stronger than I had in years and in better shape than I think I had ever been in… and it felt good. That feeling where you are truly comfortable in your skin, in no matter what you’re wearing – or aren’t wearing, lol – was what I felt and it was nice. It was a feeling I really had never felt before and I attributed it to my healthy lifestyle, the fact that I was 40, and pride that I accomplished goals I had set for myself.
I kept it up daily, only veering off my daily routine a few times a year and for a few weeks at a time when it snowed too much to walk or when the rain kept me indoors, or when I just wasn’t feeling up to it. But then I’d get back to it because I felt better and more complete living in such a way and mostly, I felt strong, which is important to me…
I’ve always been very muscular, and have to admit that I didn’t really love it when I was young. In fact, I felt manly and I felt thick and stalky and I didn’t like it. An ex-boyfriend in my twenties told me I looked like I had drag queen legs when I showed up dressed in a short skirt and heels one night to go out, and obviously, it stuck with me because I’m talking about it now.
Cruel things people say stick with us, whether they mean it to be nasty or not, if we take it that way, it’s stuck for life. Thanks to the internet, people we don’t even know say horrible things about us that we never forget, and as strong as we may be, it still hurts.
Now that I’m 41 years old, I’m grateful to have such strong and muscular legs and body. This body that I once felt masculine in, feels strong and very feminine now and it’s a nice feeling being comfortable in your skin…
The way we “feel” about ourselves has little to do with how others perceive us or even how we perceive ourselves sometimes. I know I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I like to, thus, I “feel” like I look like shit… whether it’s true or not makes no difference because it’s what I feel and one of the things that frustrates me most is when I know I’m not living the way I want to, being true to myself, or not living up to my potential. It’s one of those things that constantly nags at me, no matter what area of my life it may fall into.
When we’re doing what we know it takes to level up mentally and physically, we’re boosted into new worlds we didn’t even know existed… even if it is all in our heads 😉 What is reality anyway?
Happy FRIDAY Lovecats!
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