What I’m Wearing…
* Multi-print ruffle maxi dress that is ancient. Does anyone remember it from my early blogging days? I linked a bunch of archives at the bottom of the post and found some fun and reasonably priced alternatives in the shopping widget. It’s still one of my favorites ever.
* AuRate gold diamond necklace
* Wide brim hat in camel
* Barton Perreira gold cat eye sunglasses… which I still love and have been wearing for years. I haven’t found a replacement pair I’m obsessed with yet.
* Brown Dr. Martens with faux fur (still faves!) which makes them super comfy and warm for winter (not for snow, but you know, cold)
* Title: Taylor Swift – Wildest Dreams I mean, obviously 😉 I had to… He said, “Let’s get out of this town… Drive out of the city, away from the crowds”… I thought heaven can’t help me now… Nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down
The last time I wore this dress was August 2017… and as I read the blog post I wrote for it, which I rarely do, I smiled, remembering that time fondly…
It was the end of summer, about a year after my divorce, a little more than halfway through Dogwood renovation and the beginning of new things to come that inspired much hope and happiness. Though I was still completely in what was probably shock and denial at the time and entirely uncertain about my future, I felt like I was steadily moving in a positive and even exciting forward motion.
And then everything just got blurry…
As much as I have been through and accomplished in these last 4 or so years, mentally, I’m not sure I’m any better off. What happened to the woman I was working so hard at becoming and the life I had dreamed of for myself? When I look back, it’s almost as if I pushed all MY plans aside to continue trying to live a past version of myself, which culminated in utter daily chaos and confusion.
It’s clear to me now that the reality of my situation was far too much for me to handle emotionally at the time… and when it became too overwhelming, I leapt into distraction, choosing a life of familiar external chaos rather than diving deep into my own inner chaos. Sometimes we choose a comfortable knowing of pain rather than the scary darkness of the unknown.
I was just running from myself…
When I turned 40 I felt like my whole life was ahead of me… I was excited -to say the least, but maybe I was a little afraid too. Maybe the fire I lit inside of myself was too strong even for me to understand and I was not ready at the time to step into the flames and so instead I just let them burn out.
I tried to make it work, but the fire continues to ignite and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I too will find my strength again to burn brightly and live a bold life, even if it is a little scary. It’s the only choice there is.
Happy Monday Lovecats!
* Find all my Style Posts here and see all my archived and dated posts wearing this dress below.