Originally published on April 18, 2024
Over the weekend I started reading Rise Above the Story by Karena Kilcoyne and shared an Instagram reel I filmed on Saturday when I was only about 60 pages in.
I was excited to start this journey and while I didn’t have huge expectations, I WAS hoping it would help me on my healing journey.
Little did I know that it was going to be the KEY FACTOR in unlocking the last level I needed to gain clarity over my situation that has been plaguing me for YEARS and affecting me in relationships with others and with myself.
By Sunday night I had a huge BREAKTHROUGH… I literally felt like I not only jumped – but I CATAPULTED into the next level of my healing, to the end -ultimately, and finally felt liberated from the chains that kept me holding onto unhealthy relationships for dear life.
I really want to thank author Karena Kilcoyne for writing this book and reaching out to me to review it because it was the final piece in the puzzle that has been missing for so long. I wouldn’t have gotten to this clarity and freedom without her sharing her own personal (heart wrenching) stories and her step by step process of how to understand and free myself of my own. My gratitude is overflowing 😊
I’m not going to say too much, you can watch the video for the full story and breakdown of my breakthrough and more, but ultimately I had a habit of choosing partners (men) who absolutely could not give me love in any healthy way IN ORDER to keep my story alive, to reinforce it, to prove to myself that I was unworthy of love because that’s the belief I had (subconsciously) based on the relationship I had with my father.
BUT it wasn’t JUST about my father’s behavior or how it mirrored my last relationship to a T, because it did, BUT MORESO, the story I made up about MYSELF AND WHAT I DESERVED because of it. Even though I fought almost daily to be treated with what felt like normal human decency, I was also, unknowingly, staying and begging for it because it served me more than leaving would. Now I know that difference. I finally see it.
This also meant that I was finally able to understand that it wasn’t personal… they (my father or the man I was in a relationship with) didn’t know how to act in any other way, they didn’t know how to be better or to do better, no matter how much I begged or explained or told them they were hurting me. No matter how many chances I gave (one hundred million) my hope that he was going to finally treat me better was in vain. It just absolutely COULD NOT HAPPEN. It’s not who he is nor is it who he could or can be. It was my childhood fantasy hoping my Dad would change on repeat in this relationship, and that their behavior is truly not about me at all! The only thing that IS about me, is the story I created around their behavior AND now that I know that (and what my actual story is) I can change it… and THAT IS THE MOST EMPOWERING FEELING OF ALL.
CLICK HERE to Watch the video for the full story!
Quick Links! (Referenced in Video)
- BOOK: Rise Above the Story by Karena Kilcoyne follow @karnena_kilcoyne on Instagram for more amazing tips and advice!
- BOOK: The Primal Wound by John Firman
- BOOK: Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
- My glasses! They’re readers that come in a 3 pack on Amazon for 13.99 which means I keep a pair on my desk, in my bathroom and in my living room 😊
- Post-it sticky tabs
- Pastel highlighters
- Feather bookmark
- Puzzle – London Scene
- Denim coveralls/ Lee Union-Alls (I just bought 3 new colors! The Black one I just bought and the lighter blue denim is almost half off AND they’re having 25% off on the rest)
* This was originally posted on my Substack, love, Maegan… Extended, along with the video. I’ve only also shared the written version here to make sure everyone gets a chance to buy these books to aid in your self-healing journey.
Happy Thursday Lovecats!
* Find all my posts about BOOKS here
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5ywqjBPXlp/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
