I Promise, It’s Not Blood, It’s Beets

Boiled beets with cheese

I’ve been dying to cook beets since Patty posted her fabulous Beet, Burrata & Orange Salad w/ Poppy Seed Vinaigrette because while I do like beets, I’ve only ever tried the canned variety.

Last week at the Farmer’s Market while trying to decide if I should take the plunge and get the beets, the man at the fresh bread table next to the produce assured me that I should -and that they are fabulous. So I bought the beets and they sat on the counter untouched for two days until I ran into the same man at the grocery store days later, who asked if I had made the beets yet. No, I replied… admitting that I wasn’t quite sure what to do with them and he said just peel them, cut them, and boil them like I would potatoes {but just don’t mash them} and so when we returned home, I made it my mission to do just that.

And so I did. And topped with a little pink salt and cheese, they were delicious! The husband, not a fan, only tried a bite, but I ate half of the original 6 beets that night, then heated the remainder up the following night for a dinner side as well.

The following day, however, I thought I may have rectal cancer {AND THIS IS GROSS AND TMI} but I thought I was pooping blood. So of course I FREAKED OUT. Totally freaked out… and had to share with the husband who reminded me that I did eat a lot of strawberries over the weekend, but I still wasn’t convinced that was it.

And when on day two, still freaking out about the thought of bleeding from within, I suddenly remembered this HILARIOUS sketch on Portlandia | 911 Beets Emergency and realized IT WAS THE BEETS… I only wished I had remembered it BEFORE eating said beets so I wouldn’t have freaked out in the first place. So I suppose, if you’re not aware, this is your notice: It’s not blood, it’s beets

I think we’ve watched the sketch below about 20 times since my realization, laughing harder each time, exclaiming IT’S NOT BLOOD, IT’S BEETS!

Are you able to breathe? Was it beets?

Beets Butt, what’s your problem?

You don’t have rectal cancer… it’s beets.

It was the beets.

Sir, it’s always beets.

How To Cook the Beets…

cooking beets

* Cut off the stems

peeling beets

* Peel your beets and cut them into squares

boiling beets

* Drop them in boiling water for about 20-25 minutes. They aren’t as soft as potatoes but shouldn’t be too hard to bite.

boiled beets with salt

Enjoy your Beets!

* And don’t freak out the next day, it’s not blood, it’s beets 😉


LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.


  • AJ Rogers

    June 6, 2014 | Reply

    OMG – freaking hysterical! Thank God for this post because now I will know. If I pooped red my husband would most definitely be talking me down from the ledge of some awful deadly colon ailment.

    • Maegan Tintari

      June 6, 2014 | Reply


  • drollgirl

    June 6, 2014 | Reply

    BEET IT!

    i can’t get around beets (tried them a few years back and almost barfed), but they are BEAUTIFUL.

  • Fashion Musings Diary

    June 6, 2014 | Reply

    Must be yummy!

  • Jennifer

    June 7, 2014 | Reply

    I laughed so hard about the beets. I love to eat them and still have to remind myself about this after effect. When I cook beets, I just trim the stem and pop them into the boiling water. It usually takes closer to 45 minutes to soften them. Then after they cool enough to handle, I trim the top and bottom and the peel will just come right off with a bit of pressure- no need to use a peeler.

  • tj

    June 7, 2014 | Reply

    Try roasting them (thousands of recipes are out there, but I just wrap em in tin foil and roast). So much easier, no bloody water or staining to deal with .. though you’ll still have that scary poop!

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