Hi Lovecats and Happy November!
I’ve got a little life update I’ve been wanting to share with you for the past few weeks but haven’t been able to because my site has been basically broken, but it also seems fitting that I share now, at the beginning of the month, so here goes… I moved.
I. Alone. Moved.
Okay, well, not entirely alone, my Bobes, Trevor and Randy came with me, obviously 😉 and as you can see by the peek of the lake through my living room window, I am still on the mountain in Lake Arrowhead, which as of December 5th will be my 10th year up here and I’m still loving every minute of it.
Chad and I are still together trying to make our relationship work under these new living circumstances and hopefully grow stronger in the process. I know, it’s slightly confusing for us too, but I needed a change, a fresh start, if you will, to focus on my own personal growth and to figure out where my creative passion is now and to hopefully and meaningfully throw myself into it.
For as many years as I’ve been trying to merge my life with Chad’s, it’s been a challenge to do so without losing myself and my work completely. I have felt like I’ve been out of alignment with my soul and because of it, have stopped doing all the things that made me “me” and ultimately, wasn’t happy because of it.
Between his life and the businesses we share, I have had very little time or energy to focus creatively on anything of my own with any kind of consistency, something I value highly in my life. There is always some emergency or drama or chaos that explodes and takes full priority over anything I might be working on artistically and I became creatively paralyzed because of it. If I started any project, it and/or my time would get hijacked very quickly by something else entirely, which also left me completely drained energetically, out of flow creatively, and hesitant to start anything at all.
Realizing this was an issue a few years ago, I found and rented my cute little A-Frame Office that Chad and I renovated and turned into a gorgeous working environment… but I have found it very difficult to work there as well -for a couple of reasons I won’t bore you with- but when it comes down to it, I think I just work better from a home office space.
I guess it has felt like my life hasn’t been my life. And my work has been inconsistent as proof. In fact, I feel as though I haven’t accomplished anything of any value at all in the last 5 years and I know that cannot be true! But I miss MY work. I miss MY creative headspace. I miss MY creativity. I miss my peace of mind. I miss feeling calm and in charge of my own days/weeks/life. I miss being in the moment instead of in my head, smiling and marveling at the beauty and magic that life has to offer when I am in alignment with my true self… I miss me. And so far, in the last few weeks being in the new space, I have felt whole again.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I still have goals and hopes and dreams to accomplish and at 46, if I don’t start focusing on those things NOW, then I fear I never will. If I don’t focus on what I want and work towards it then I will be constantly in a kind of survival mode getting distracted by life’s circumstances and never giving myself a true chance to live up to my potential. As a result, I will be a resentful and bitter old woman who blames everyone else for why I’m not living a life I truly LOVE!
So I rented a townhouse almost on the lake and I even have a little view of the water, ducks splashing in the shallow bay, with enough room to move my office back home and it just feels so right. This has been a difficult decision but one I’ve been thinking about on and off since the beginning of the year. So when this place popped up and I casually called on it a day later, it felt meant to be… and on October 1st, I signed the lease.
Though it was difficult at first, Chad has been super supportive and helpful throughout this transition. It was also a little confusing for the girls, who were undeniably sad to hear the news, but they understand that I am still in their lives and my love for them has not changed. I told them to think of it as if I got a new job and moved for work but the great thing is, it’s only about 4 minutes away.
I am still in the process of unpacking and decorating, and have a few more big items to move from the old house and from my office and then it’s just about putting the finishing touches on everything… but I am truly loving it so far and hope to really get to work creatively in the coming months.
We haven’t totally given up the A-frame office yet though… Chad and I have been thinking about a new business we can use it for but for now it’ll be his office and shared Dogwood business office space for us until we decide.
I’m excited to see where this year takes me… finally a bit of positive uncertainty filled with hope rather than dread. It’s safe to say we’re settling in just fine 😉
Thanks for reading, Lovecats!
* Find all my Home and Decor posts here
* Find all my Life and Family posts here