What I’m Wearing…
* Cropped rust sweatshirt – I have this in so many colors now it’s not even funny! It’s the perfect cropped length for high waists and it’s under $25
* Levi’s Ribcage Rainbow Jeans – I bought these last fall to wear and never did! This is my first time wearing them and I love them! I didn’t get any shots of the back, but right under the waist is a cute stitched stripe detail that points down and is very flattering. They’re on sale now but I’ve also added other similar options to the shopping widget below
* Plaid coat (also seen here in a fall outfit I loved)… by C/MEO Collective a few years ago… this one by Banana Republic is gorgeous, though a little pricey. I love their new/old look! What a comeback!
* Brown Serena faux fur Dr Martens boots
* Phillip Lim tortoise shell sunglasses (old)
* Louis Vuitton Neverfull tote bag
* Title: Berlin – Take My Breath Away – – We saw the new Top Gun Maverick movie about 5 times in the theater over the summer… we even rented out the little theater up here after they closed to watch it AGAIN. Did you love the new Top Gun as much as we did?
This is the first outfit I’ve shot in AGES and the first outfit shot in my new place… which is undeniably exciting. In fact, I was a little giddy shooting the photos even though in the past few months or even years I’ve questioned the whole idea of shooting and sharing my outfits anymore… But then when I do, it makes me smile, and so anything that makes me smile must be worthy of my time, right? Right. I’d like to also think/hope that I am still inspiring you in some way and so when someone stops me on the street to compliment me on my outfit or ask where I’ve gotten something I’m wearing, it’s silly but it reassures me that I’m on the right path.
The right path is hard to come by… It’s like we know in the depths of our being that if we listen to our intuition the correct answer is just below the surface, on the tip of our tongue, the choice we know is the right one to make… ALWAYS, NO QUESTION – BUT, and there’s a big BUT, sometimes we get confused in the process, and don’t trust ourselves because we’re so programmed to choose others over ourselves. This has been something I’ve done in relationships my entire life without realizing until I was unhappy and resentful. I didn’t know that I was putting their needs before mine, I just thought that’s what you do in a relationship, it’s compromise. BUT (yes, another BUT) if you’re compromising yourself to do what someone else wants or what you THINK someone else wants, you are betraying yourself. READ THAT AGAIN.
It took me years of reading books, paying attention to my own behaviors and patterns and a fantastic therapist to point that fact out and really help me to understand it. If you’re compromising yourself and pushing aside your own wants and needs to make someone else happy then you are betraying yourself. You’re probably also on the codependent spectrum (as I am) because as women we’re taught to be good girls with the pressure to do what others want us to do and be what others want us to be, even to our own detriment.
But if doing what others want us to do and being who they want us to be or giving into something that feels uncomfortable because someone is visibly showing you they are disappointed by you saying NO to them and as a “good girl” you give in, they’ve just manipulated you. This was such a hard lesson for me to learn and I STILL catch myself falling for it! When you drop your boundaries that align with your values to please another person you end up disappointing (and betraying) yourself.
Choosing myself every day doesn’t always feel right. It feels selfish. It feels the opposite of right, but I can see the little choices adding up to big breakthroughs and that feels right.
Obviously I don’t have children and kids make it really hard to choose ourselves because their needs come first in so many ways, but I think even as mothers, if we can demonstrate to our kids how and when we choose ourselves, why it’s so important to do so and talk them through it, they will learn to choose themselves too. They will learn the importance of having strong boundaries, knowing what they stand for and saying no when they don’t feel comfortable doing something even if it means they will disappoint someone. Continuing to say no when someone tries to push those boundaries to get their needs met will teach them that taking care of their own needs is always MOST important.
I wish I could have understood this in my twenties. I wish I knew then what I know now about myself, about others, men and relationships specifically. I would have done so much differently. As someone who didn’t really and fully get this until much later in life, the pushback has felt more intense… as if I’m a bad person for making sure my needs are met.
But it’s never too late. It’s never too late to learn and change and choose ourselves every day; to start something new, to take life by the reins and RIDE like our lives depend on it… because you know what? They do. Our lives are begging for us to be bold, begging for us to stop being what and who everyone else wants us to be, to stop caring what someone else is going to think, stop worrying about how hard something is going to be, to stop making excuses and to stop listening to the fear voice in our heads that says we can’t do it… because we CAN do it. We can do anything and I feel like I’m finally back on the right path and so ready and open to embracing life in the fullest and doing all the things I’ve been too afraid to do in the past because If Only for Today, I am Unafraid and it only takes one day, one thought, one idea, one moment to say YES I CAN. And today is that day. And today, you CAN too.
Happy Friday Lovecats!
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