What I’m Wearing…
* C/Meo Collective Magnets Plaid Coat … also seen here in a rather similar look but with boots and a hat.
* Cropped jeans with frayed hem by Paige Denim
* Dolman sleeve sweater in camel from Picadilly
* Navy bandana (neck scarf)
* Cozy beanie … also seen here
* Phillip Lim 3.1 tortoise shell Sunglasses
* Vintage Louis Vuitton Looping MM Handbag (found one for $440)
* Navy Adidas sneakers
* Title: Khalid – Suncity ft. Empress Of… No room to be falling for you without honesty… It’s alright, alright for the meantime… If I have to wait, I’ll be patient
I never thought I’d struggle to find myself so hard and for so long after divorce. Yet, here I still am, three and a half years later, deep into another relationship, struggling to find myself and be myself and WHO THE HELL AM I ANYWAY?
Relationships are challenging. Marriage is hard. I said I’d never do it again, but I’m not sure if that’s true. Never say never, right? But the struggle is real.
Life has been a serious struggle since around this time in 2016 and I don’t understand it really. Obviously there have been major UPs but the chaos and uncertainty has overwhelmed so much that I feel like I’m in a constant state of W T F!?! And as soon as I feel like I have some type of certainty or clarity, it all goes out the door just as fast as it came in.
I’m super goal-oriented and if I don’t have a larger picture, a long-term goal I’m working towards, I tend to get caught up in the little annoying details of every day life and it’s distracting and then I feel lost. I’ve found if I have something larger I’m working towards, my mind is more consistently creatively busy doing that instead of getting caught up on silly little things that in the long run, don’t even matter at all.
I keep trying to commit to posting regularly here like I used to and I can’t seem to prioritize it and I realized recently that it’s because I don’t have a larger plan for it like I used to. From the very beginning I had a big “why” that motivated me and propelled me to it every single day and it was exciting and fun and I felt invigorated by it. But when that “why” disappeared so did the motivation. It’s only been recently that I’ve realized that if I want to prioritize it I have to create a new “why” for myself or it’s never going to get done and I will continue to feel the pull to write and create, but I won’t do it. So I’m working on that… searching for a new why, that is.
I feel like all my writing in my posts are similar lately and it’s because the uncertainty of life continues and the confusion continues and until I get a grasp on it, the confused writings will probably continue as well. I have no desire to DIY anything lately and even though I know that’s a huge part of this blog and reason why it exists, if I am not inspired to do it and force myself to do it anyway, the living what you love part goes out the door and the quality of my DIYS and creativity is lessened as well. So it’s pointless. The transparency would be too obvious and I’d feel like a fraud. Authenticity is important to me, something I value highly, so I guess if it means that my writing is boring and repetitive for a while, at least it’s real. And I feel like I can’t bring value to your life if it’s anything less than real.
So I struggle through it, one word at a time, hoping that sharing my struggle if at the very least helps you along with whatever you’re struggling with too… if maybe only it allows you to feel less alone, then that’s worthy too.
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Happy Hump Day Lovecats
* Find all my Style Posts here