I Don’t Want to Live a Lie That I Believe

floral jeans _ faux fur in the snow

What I’m Wearing…

* Floral jeans by Cult of Individuality
* Plaid shirt by Skies are Blue
* Cable knit sweater by BB Dakota
* Fuax fur vest by Free People
* Fingerless gloves were a gift and still my faves
* Sunglasses by 3.1 Phillip Lim
* Furry boots by Tory Burch
* Classic town bag by Balenciaga

* Title: Afrojack vs. THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS – Do Or DieYou and I will never die… It’s a dark embrace… In the beginning was life, a dawning age… Time to be alive… Fate is coming, that I know… Time is running, got to go… Faith is coming, that I know… Let it go. . . and the story goes on.

I’m pretty sure I temporarily lost my mind this week. No, I’m definitely sure of it.

I came down with another cold/flu on Sunday night, the fourth since December, and was down for the count. This one was the worst of all and I’m hoping it’s the last as well. I can’t take it. My mind can’t take it. I start doubting everything when I have too much time with nothing to do but sit and allow myself to heal and get well. I get lost in worry and freak out about everything and begin a downward spiral that is hell to return from… and then suddenly, all is clear, and I’m free again and back on my path, or so it seems… today anyway.

It’s snowing again. Hard. And this winter is heavy. And hard. And my brain is working overtime lately trying to find answers to so so SO many unanswered questions, so much uncertainty, SO much chaos. Literally EVERYTHING is up in the air right now. Everything in my life has a question mark at the end of it… and I’m trying to see it as exciting rather than terrifying, though the two emotions are rather close on the spectrum.

Last year I leapt into the unknown on so many levels and it was terribly exciting to do the leaping and figure it all out later… but now, in the midst of the later part, it’s difficult to remember how terribly exciting the leaping was when everything seems so scary mid-air.

But dammit this is what I wanted! I wanted to feel alive. I wanted new adventures. I wanted new life experiences. I wanted new love. And when I think about it in those terms, I have to say, I got everything I wanted.

But now I want some closure. Now I want at least one thing to materialize… so my leaps don’t feel like falls… so my risks don’t turn to doubts… so I can be at peace with at least one of my decisions.

Even though I know I’ll look back at this time with fondness and smile from more mature lips, I want something to be real and I want it now.

I will never forget the moment… the moments… and the story goes on…

floral jeans_fur in the snow

floral jeans_fur boots in the snow

snow style

outfit in the snow_laughing

Happy Thursday Lovecats!

* Find all my Style Posts here

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at ...love Maegan.com sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

1 Comment

  • AJ Rogers

    January 26, 2017 | Reply

    You got this!! ♥

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