It’s Christmas Eve and I’m sitting home alone with my dogs, eating my new favorite yogurt with my new favorite baby spoons, still sick as ever… but IT’S NOT COVID.
Well, as of last Wednesday, it’s not Covid… Thursday I was starting to feel better and then boom, Friday I got a handful of new symptoms that proved this head cold had settled in my face, specifically behind my right eye and sinus cavity… and then, hours later, I had a complete mental breakdown. The kind where you suddenly find yourself sobbing on your bathroom floor texting your therapist at 3:54am because you haven’t slept and are utterly losing your mind and you feel like if you don’t find a solution to your sadness and anxiety, you just might die. That kind of mental breakdown.
But I’m fine… everything’s fine.
Last year around this time while in a therapy session chatting about holiday anxiety, my therapist asked me “What would your dream Christmas look like?” and I said something to the affect of… staying home alone with my dogs. Well, this year I may have gotten my wish… and this is exactly what they mean when they say BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. Because being completely alone on Christmas because YOU’RE SICK and have no other choice, does not feel like a dream Christmas, even if it is what I thought I wanted.
I have felt lonely, but I am not lonely. I think the holidays and being sick kicks in some mental stories of sadness, but I keep reassuring myself that I’m FIIIIINND (pause for laugh at Friend’s joke). AND love actually IS all around…
Last week my stepdad dropped off orange juice and covid tests on my doorstep and then my friend Michelle dropped off a homemade sourdough loaf (SO GOOD) on my doorstep, and then when I couldn’t take my sick and lonely sad self any longer and after turning down his offer all week to prevent him from getting sick, Chad stopped by and brought emergen-c, orange juice and dinner on Saturday night.
Love is tricky… and so are the holidays.
This holiday season has been full of ups and downs. But honestly, I think being sick has been the worst part about it and though it’s only been about a week and a half, it feels like FOREVER. I know I’m not the only one (honestly, it seems like everyone is sick right now) and I know my situation has not been as bad as others… I am lucky. However, because of said sickness, I couldn’t do the last of my Christmas shopping, I missed out on holiday parties and the chance to dress up and see actual people and now missing my family as well AND all that adds up to OH POOR ME, I’M ALL ALONE ON CHRISTMAS AND I’M SICK boo hoo… but again, this is what I wanted, right? SNEEZE!
I decidedly did not decorate for Christmas this year… mostly because I had just moved in and was still trying to get my place situated and didn’t want more mess and I let Chad use my tree at his place for the girls and it wasn’t until Friday night (also when my symptoms worsened) that I was also decidedly sad that I hadn’t decorated and was missing just about everything about the holidays.
It’s find. I’m FINNNND.
Anyway, today is Christmas Eve and after getting a pretty good night sleep thanks to the Mucinex Chad brought me, I was able to brush and slightly curl my hair and put a little mascara on and take some holiday photos with my Bobes. I mean, I had to keep ONE holiday tradition alive or else it wouldn’t even have been Christmas at all!
They are always my good little models… they know the drill and get many snacks after posing for all the pictures. But also, if I decided to go sit on the floor in front of the fireplace, they’d just follow me and sit as close to on top of me as possible, so I don’t have to do much prodding… however, getting them to both look at the camera is an entirely different story, especially when I’m not standing behind it… or sometimes even if I am… as noted below.
My one wish to Santa tonight is that I wake up feeling magically healthy and well, get another negative on my C-test, and then I can go visit my family who are just about 4 minutes away but feel like a million miles.
Maybe I should write Santa a letter and leave a plate of cookies for him by the fireplace… I mean miracles do happen, right?
We hope you have a wonderful day spent however you hoped to spend it 🙂
We also hope you too found humor in this post 😉
WEARING: old plaid sweater by UNIF // soft velvety green flares from my friend Caroline’s local shop Bohemian Village // Reversible Holiday Dog Bandana
TITLE: Love Actually, IS all around
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Lovecats!
* Find all my Christmas posts here
