my desires my mother my work

too much coffee

makes for an already over-active mind to implode on itself.

How wrong is it to hate? I “hate” when I don’t get what I want. I hate when I have to be so fucking blunt that I hurt someone’s feelings when I’ve tried numerous times to “say it nicely” – for lack of better words. Are they so ego-maniacal that they cannot even see outside their own domain for one second to realize that someone might want to be left alone. How mean do I have to be before someone gets the hint? Usually, in this type of scenario, instead of backing off a bit, the offender keeps pushing. Push, push, PUSH! This is when I’ve had it and then KABOOM!

At this point, I usually get the look of a little lost puppy – confused, worried, wide-eyed – and always, DUMB. My question is – WHY DIDN’T YOU SEE IT COMING? I’ve left NUMEROUS cues. And now, I am the “bad guy”.

Post explosion, I am left feeling horribly guilty about being so mean. I am also left now to console the person I blew up at rather than get my point across. Now, this ego-maniacal idiot gets my attention, albeit, bad attention, nevertheless, attention. It is a circle. I want to scream and cry and throw a fit like a child. Why am I not heard? Do I not make sense when I speak? Am I unbelievable? Do I not make myself clear? Do I expect people to read my mind? I really don’t think so …but I’ll work on being clearer for all those folks who love to play dumb.

Maybe I am intolerant. Maybe I should be more patient. Maybe I should not care if someone thinks I am a bitch. It seems like no one wants to listen until I am.

On another note: I know that if I want to see change, I will have to be the one to make it. I know that I have to change my reaction to this type of energy suckage.

I just got this book, A Complaint Free World, which I’m sure will elicit many laughs and sighs from others, but I will try anything that will alter my perspective and change my life for the better.

Mostly, I wish I could learn to shut up and not react …because mostly, I just want to punch people right in their face – myself included!

Maegan Tintari

LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.

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