What I’m Wearing…
* Plaid coat by C/MEO Collective… last seen here
* Vintage Oscar de La Renta men’s suit pants (I’ve had them for 100million years. I thrifted them at least 20 years ago) I’ve found so many items I haven’t seen in years in my recent move while trying to organize my closet room… they’ve either been hidden in my old/tiny closet or boxed up or at my office in a random trunk of stuff I thought I’d eventually sell and there is still more in storage. My wardrobe has always been a bit of a collection of high and low and vintage (which I always love the most). I don’t often get rid of stuff and try to only buy truly classic or very fun/interesting pieces or thrifted and vintage items… although through the years of blogging, I have also been gifted a lot of stuff and am now overflowing with stuff stuff stuff…. BUT in my new place I have an entirely dedicated bedroom-turned-closet and can see everything I and have room for it and I’m loving it! It’s really getting my creative fashion juices flowing again, which among other things, I thought I lost somewhere in the last 5 years. Nope, just a bit dormant I suppose… I’ve also taken two loads of stuff and donated it to the local boys and girls thrift shop up here on the mountain and have more piles of stuff to sell as well. I’d honestly rather donate everything, but I think I have to put in the work to sell some of the more high end items that no longer fit my body or my soul.
* Old little grey sweater (the one with the hearts on the elbows, I still wear and love the black one too) – classic styles last forever.
* Phillip Lim tortoise shell sunglasses (old)
* navy Adidas gazelles also old
* Vintage beige Chanel hobo… I did a search for this bag here on my blog so I could copy/paste the info rather than running upstairs to grab the bag and found this old post from December 2018, four years ago, and remembered the outfit as the first time going to couples therapy and then had to read what I wrote… which I don’t always do but I thought there might be something there, and there was… and now, looking back, I know exactly why in that exact amount of time I went from a positive outlook to negative (which I wrote about) and honestly, it had nothing to do with my divorce in the least, but moreso who I was surrounding myself with… and was caught up in a lot of confusion at the time and then went on deeper into that confusion for the next 4 years in a relationship that was destined to fail. I said I will only stay if we go to therapy, thinking it would give us good perspective and help us grow individually and together. But instead it just kept me in something that was detrimental to my health and well, everything else. It did, in fact, keep us together, but it was not a healthy relationship. I did learn a LOT about myself in the process, and maybe that’s the only way… the hero needs the villain to learn the lesson and grow and then defeat him (see below for reference)
*Title: Elton John – I’m Still Standing… this video is HILARIOUS… the lyrics are genius.
For the record, this outfit was inspired by Brad Pitt and his recent outings and press tour for the movie Bullet Train in which he wears loosely fitting pants and colorfully slouchy suits and adidas with every look… even his cocktail pseudo tuxedo look – black adidas, and I am here to say that while at first I did question the bright colors (lime green and hot pink), I never questioned the shoe choice. Though far more colorful, the whole thing reminded me of his slouchy ’90s looks and mine as well when I lived in vintage men’s pants and adidas and thrifted cropped t-shirts from the boys’ section. This outfit is an ode to all of that. Also, it’s just very comfortable and I wouldn’t mind finding a new signature style somewhere within this casual vibe.
I had so many plans for posts last week and then life got in the way and my head has been stuck in a dark cloud swirling tornado of chaotic fuckery since last Thursday and I haven’t been able to sit down and work and focus ever since. The few times I tried, I heard the fear voice in my head say WHAT’S THE POINT, NO ONE CARES ANYWAY. Which is rubbish. I love that word because it’s so British and not very American to say, but it fits to perfection. It’s rubbish because I know there are people who do care, and maybe people I help or inspire and even if I’m doing it ONLY because it makes me happy, then there’s purpose… and that’s the point.
I watched the documentary by Jonah Hill the other night called Stutz, which is based on his therapist, Phil Stutz, who coined the phrase PART X and from the notes I took, PART X is the anti-social, judgmental part of you that wants to (in his own words) fuck up your shit. It’s the invisible force that keeps you from changing, the voice that says your work is a waste of time, blocks your potential and your evolution.
This is probably also maybe your “ego” according to Freud (I think) or Jung? I dunno, I’m not a psychologist, although I have been researching human behavior since I was a teenager and find it fascinating… Anyway
In Jonah Hill’s own words and in movie terms (although I might be paraphrasing) Part X is the Villain the main character, or the Hero, has to defeat and is essential because if there is no villain and no motivation to change, then there is no growth and there is no Hero. All movies need a villain.
As much as this actually all seems pretty common knowledge on some level, I think Phil Sutz is onto something here. He’s got a set of “Tools” that they go through in the film with little drawings for visuals (and I think there’s a TOOLS book as well) but as basic as it is, seems sort of revolutionary at the same time. I dunno, maybe it’s just me and what I’m going through and my fascination with personal growth and human behavior, but I found it to be very helpful while also entertaining at the same time. It’s on Netflix if you’re interested.
So, needless to say, I feel a bit behind, which makes me feel anxious and I have to keep reminding myself it’s not a race and it’s okay. I guess I’m just trying to stay committed… after years of being pulled in so many directions, barely able to commit to anything (I wanted to do) or keep a schedule, I really want to keep the promises I make to myself… and now I’m mostly able to, which feels so good until there’s a metaphorical or physical explosion and I’m yanked off my path and pulled down into some alternate past reality of dark cloudedness, clawing my way back out as fast as I can… but I have found myself again. This one only took about a week.
At least I can see the difference now. I have a balanced baseline I aim for when things get rocky and that’s growth right there.
I guess that’s all we can ask for; some self-awareness and growth and hope that tomorrow’s version of ourselves is just a little bit better (or more evolved) than today’s version 😉
Yes, I’m aware my face looks weird and blurred here (above) lol. I’m not entirely happy with how my iPhone is photographing lately.
PS! Monday December 5th marked my 10 year anniversary (leaving LA) and living on this mountain! TEN YEARS! On one hand it feels like it was just yesterday and on the other, it feels like a lifetime ago. So bizarre.
Happy Hump Day Lovecats!
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