Completely Gratuitous Outfit Post





What I’m Wearing
* Vintage coat …found 100 years ago at the Melrose/Fairfax flea market …for $30. yep. amazing. I love this coat
* Seven for all Mankind wide-leg jeans …also old
* Via Spiga lace-up wedge booties
* Ivory Pashmina
* Vintage Gucci bag
* Tom Ford Sunglasses
* Gold hoops
* Hair …wet-ish

If you can tell I’m not feelin’ it lately, you’d be right. If you can’t tell, then bravo. I’m pulling it off …lol.

It seems that after 5 years of controlling my anxiety, it has come back and slapped me right in the face again full throttle. Although I believe this time, it was good ol’ depression that kicked it off.

I can’t put my finger on the exact point of return {time change/seasonal depression? holidays?} but my husband seems to think it is/was the birth of my gorgeous niece. The depression may have begun with the pregnancy and turned to anxiety around October 8 or so when she was born. I really wish I could deny all of that and make it untrue but I’m pretty sure that would just cause more of this horrendous anxiety. And every time I think I get a handle on it, I have a night like last night where I slept a total of 2 hours …maybe.

I think I have a thinking problem …I cannot seem to get out of my head and just when I think I do, my head does its best to pull me right back in.

Another kicker …I’m not too fond of medication. In fact, it totally scares me. I was on a small dose of Effexor for about a year {2003-04} and coming off of it was hell -like electric shocks zzzzizzzing through my body. Since then, like I said above, I have had a handle on it. Sure I self-medicate with a little herbal medicine via vapor puff {which I have a prescription for} but I’m at such a red alert THAT now sends me over the edge and induces a minor panic attack.

I have been taking the tiniest of tiny doses of Ativan as needed {when it seems my insides are about to explode and I just want to run down the street as fast as I can} and even that freaks me out.

I think it’s time to surrender to my insanity and see a psychiatrist …a psychiatrist who can prescribe me medication to bring me back down to normal again. …although I have seen therapists in the past …one of which fell asleep just after asking me a question about my worth as a woman. So my faith in therapists is not exactly on the high scale but I worry that if I go see my regular doctor, I’ll just be a guinea pig trying drugs until one works. I’d like to figure out wtf is wrong with me …or if I, indeed, need to be medicated for the rest of my life …because at this point, it’s looking pretty good.

Anyone have any tips? Any favorites for anti-depressants/anxiety meds …for sensitive stomachs 🙂

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LA native & lifestyle blogger Maegan Tintari writes daily at sharing beauty & style secrets, including fashion DIYs, how-to nail art manicures, hair tutorials, recipes & home decorating ideas, as well as a look into her personal life, her journey & battle with infertility & recent relocation to the mountains by a lake in search of a better life with her adorable French Bulldog brothers, Trevor and Randy.


  • Katie

    December 1, 2009 |

    my stomach is super sensitive too and that just doesn’t work for me with meds. i always have people telling me i need a regular sleep schedule, i need to excersize, eat healthy foods, all that. i think my body and mind are very sensitive to changes. try to take good care of yourself. i know i need to. i hope you feel better girl.

  • Snarky A.

    December 1, 2009 |

    So sorry to hear that the anxiety is back. Struggling with it myself, I totally understand. I would definitely try and find a professional (that you can trust – and don’t stop looking until you find a good one), that can help you get out of this cycle, be it through meds or w/e.
    Ativan helps me a lot, personally.

  • Lynn M G

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m so sorry to hear about your anxiety. When I was reading your post, your description of your anxiety matches almost perfectly how mine was. About 2 years ago, all of a sudden I developed major anxiety. To this day I haven’t quite put my finger on WHY that was. I didn’t sleep for months, I was constantly sick/nauseated, lost 30 lbs (the only good side effect). I went on Lexapro about a year ago and it has eliminated about 85% of my anxiety. I really did not want to medicate myself but I feel as though I had no other choice. I haven’t tried any other types of anti anxiety/depression meds, but I would recommend Lexapro to someone who has mild-severe anxiety. Hope that helps and I hope you find some answers and peace soon!

  • Liz

    December 1, 2009 |

    I have struggled with depression/anxiety for years. I started taking Paxil when I was newly engaged and the victim of very regular and very scary panic attacks. Twelve years,three kids, three therapists and one psychiatrist later, I think I’ve finally found a combination of meds and therapy that make me feel normal.

    Finiding a psychiatrist was the best thing I ever did. Prior to him, my family doctor had been in charge of my meds and, frankly, it just wasn’t his area of expertise. Then my father died tragically last year, and feeling totally at the end of my rope, I found my shrink who, literally, saved me.

    I’d tried Paxil and Effexor before and had stayed on them both for long periods of time even though I hated the side effects and the withdrawal electric shock sensations.

    I’m now taking 50 mg of a relatively new medication called Pristiq and it is truly amazing. No crazy dizziness, no brain shocks, and the ability to function. At night, I take an old-school anti-depressant called Trazodone which helps me sleep without the habit-forming problems of Ativan.
    So now I feel GOOD, Maegan, for the first time in a long time. I am a good mother and wife, I am a teacher who loves her work, and I am not crippled by the anxiety that was my albatross for SO long.

    I hope this helps.


  • Miss Caitlin S.

    December 1, 2009 |

    Simple and Classic- I give it a 10.

  • At least I'm skinny

    December 1, 2009 |

    I watched my roommate in college go through the same thing but she finally found the right medication and the right doses for her and she feels so much better now.

    I feel for you but I know you’ll get through it and be stronger for it.

  • Leah

    December 1, 2009 |

    There is a huge difference between a therapist and a GOOD therapist.

    I would like to repeat pretty much everything that Liz said. It takes a good therapist (get recommendations from people that you trust, find out their credentials and experience) and it can take lots of time and different measurements/types of medications to get the meds that are right for you figured out.

    Personally, yoga and exercise (running) and practising mindfulness are what it takes to keep me in top form.

    Good luck with everything, Maegan.

  • Sal

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’ve got pretty gnarly anxiety as well, and have never found drugs to be even remotely helpful. As you’re searching for a new therapist – and MANY of them are truly excellent and can help you – look for someone who practices cognitive behavioralism. Psychotherapy will make you hate therapy, if you’re anything like me and need action items. CB will actually move you forward.

    Big hugs, beautiful. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been suffering.

  • Sher

    December 1, 2009 |

    Love the structured fit of your vintage coat.

    I can’t recommend anything, but I do hope that maybe a Dr’s visit can help. Or even a counselors visit. But don’t let it carry on for too long. You recognized it and that’s the first step.

  • Glamour Bbey.

    December 1, 2009 |

    Great look girl! xx

  • Hannah

    December 1, 2009 |

    My mother is an acupuncturist and has had a lot of success in the treatment of depression with no side affects.

    I hope you’ll try it. Blessings to you Maegan!

  • *Canadian Girl

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m a huge anxiety sufferer too. I hate it. I’ve tried almost everything, and *fingers crossed* have finally found the right concoction of meds.

    Hope you will too.

    Also – blogged about you today:


    *Canadian Girl

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    My husband is on Buspar for anxiety and it has made a huge difference for him! I also suffer from anxiety (aren’t we quite the pair?? 🙂 but have never been on medicine so I am anxious to hear the comemnts on this post.

  • Suzanne

    December 1, 2009 |

    My senior year of college I was having regular panic attacks which would cause me to break down in hysterical sobs for hours and exacerbated an already problematic heart murmur. I eventually got on a low dose of Zoloft for about 6 months and was weaned off of it and have been fine since (which is only 3 years). Earlier this year I thought I was going to need to get back on because I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and uncertainty in my life (graduating from law school with in shitty economy)and have considered getting back on, but I’m holding strong right now (aka today since finals start in a week).
    Journaling your feelings and discussing them with someone is always helpful. See if there is a psychiatric facility somewhere near you. They typically have the most knowledgable doctors. Feel better doll. We’re going through the pregnancy issue with my sister in law. At least you admit that you want children instead of going into denial about it.

  • Lili

    December 1, 2009 |

    For me, Vipassana meditation was the key. It has helped me so much! I you’re open to that kind of thing, I suggest you give it a try and see if it helps.

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    if you really want to see a therapist you can choose a therapy group, it worked with me (I also tried 4-5 individual therapies without result).
    And forget medicines, they suck (obviously this is only my opinion).
    Sorry for my bad english,

  • Sara D.

    December 1, 2009 |

    Sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this. I just had a thought while I was reading your post. I am prone to depression and even some anxiety and I have found that when I eat really cleanly (very limited, if any, sugar, dairy, alcohol, red meat) then I feel much more happy and calm. I don’t want it to seem like I’m trivializing what you’re dealing by saying it’s all food related, it’s just a suggestion. It’s amazing how healing food can be when we eat the right stuff. I’m always looking for ways to avoid taking medication. Good luck!

  • Disconnected

    December 1, 2009 |

    last year when i felt like i wanted to claw my way out of my skin, my doc. prescribed 1/2 tab of celexa. ahhhh, sweet relief.

  • Katie

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with anxiety and depression. I wish I didn’t understand it as well as I do. I can’t even remember how many different meds I’ve been on for mine. (Paxil, Lexapro, Effexor, Prozac, Attivan to name a few). The only thing I ever had any success with was Wellbutrin. There are now several other medications on the market similar to Wellbutrin, so you might want to look into those. I had the same horrible experience with Effexor, I swore I’d never take anything like it again. It’s a difficult process, but finding the right combination of medicine along with the right doctors is really the only thing you can do. I had 2 different psychiatrists and 3 different psychologists before I found the ones I wanted to stick with. Hang in there – you will get through this!

  • Maegan

    December 1, 2009 |

    lovely suggestions so far. Thank you all. I like to at least know what meds are on the market and how you feel on them.

    …I have tried accupuncture in the past and the herbs with it …and while I liked it wasn’t enough. I have been walking/jogging on a more regular basis just to get some energy out but again, not enough. Although I haven’t been rigid with my diet …I have stopped drinking coffee in the mornings and anything with caffeine, really …not including chocolate. But usually, when I’m amped like this, the last thing I want is sugar…but I fear I ate too many vegan chocolate chip cookies last night which did not help the sleep pattern.

    Again, thank you for your comments …keep em coming 😉 please.

  • Christina

    December 1, 2009 |

    I”m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. While the anxiety I experience sounds different than yours, here are [some non-prescription] things I do:

    -deep breathing exercises (from a Dartmouth article:

    -Tylenol PM an hour before bed (it’s non-addictive)

    -review personal boundaries (Amazon link:

    All of these things I was instructed to try by a very good counselor who helped me process through. Still experience anxiety sometimes, but not as often and never as bad.

    Again, not trying to diagnose or oversimplify your problem. I hope you find whatever solution is going to work best for you, Maegan.

  • Kirsten

    December 1, 2009 |

    I have been dealing with the anxiety thing this past year after seemingly being ok since high school (had a serious bought of depression). The doctor put me on something initially that made my stomach upset, literally made me sick. But then she put me on sertraline. 75 mg is what does it for me (which apparently is a very small dose). I also see a therapist, and she is great. My primary (I have been with her forever) gives me the prescription and I have all the faith in her as she recommended it when she was worried about my stress and anxiety.

    If you have any other questions let me know, although I am a first timer for the drug thing.

  • Jill

    December 1, 2009 |

    I have no tips…I’m sorry…I wish I did. I tend to get anxiety attacks, occasionally. Usually in the middle of the night and about things I have no control over.

    Benadryl is better than the Tylenol PM. No acetimeniphen…which can be hard on your liver. (Did I spell that right?). It makes most people sleepy. Some though…it effects the complete opposite. I’ve taken up to three to fall sleep.

    I know you want a child. Your husband is probably right in his theory. I’m not much help either, as I’ve not ever wanted children. I’m not religious at all, but that saying, “Let Go, Let God”…something like that… keeps popping into my head. If you can try to relax, release your desire, your body may be better able to give you what you want. This sounds lame, doesn’t it?!

    Now I’m embarrassed…damn!

  • Comsat Keith

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m really sorry to hear you’re having such an apparently big problem Maegan. I get a bit depressed myself sometimes but I’m not sure if that’s anything like your anxiety. I wish I could help you somehow and I’m sure your other readers do too, but I’m certainly no expert and all I can really do is offer my support and say that I care. I’m only a relative newcomer to your blog but if it helps any, I can tell you that it’s been bringing an extra dose of sunshine into my life a couple of times per week. LA sunshine, to be exact! I think you’re a lovely person and I wish I could send you some sunshine back, but this is the best I’ve got. I really hope you can get free of this problem (ideally without medication, an approach I feel skeptical of), and I completely want to join in with everyone who’s sending you hugs ‘n stuff.

    As for your outfit – if you don’t mind me sneaking in a comment about that too – you’ve got quite a wrapped-up look today but you’re still looking as gorgeous and stylish as ever. Even if you are lurking a bit suspiciously in that back alley. 🙂

  • God's Favorite Shoes!

    December 1, 2009 |

    I don’t have any tips on meds but I do think I am experiencing mild depression or panic attacks due to a failed engagement…wedding dress hanging in closet haunting me….anyway…no wisdom over here…All I got is “take one breath at a time”. That’s the best I can come up with even for myself.

    I’m not a fan of meds although I think some people do need them more than others. I have been praying (if that’s not your thing, I understand)…but so far only my poor Schnauzer is hearing my prayer!

    On the bright side…we BOTH look good….( totally shallow but that’s all I got right this very second:)

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you find the solution quickly.

    I personally hate medication, so I tried to find ways to get around taking it, while still keeping my depression/anxiety under control.

    Here is what helped:

    – cognitive therapy — understanding what causes the anxiety and facing it head-on… going through the worst case scenario and what would really happen in the worst case scenario. Most of the times, I find that I would be fine even in the worst case scenario, and that calms me a lot.

    – nature’s therapy tea called ‘Easy Now’

    – meditations and breathing exercises. When choking anxiety would prevent me from resting, I would either listen to a meditation tape and focus on my breath or just simply focus on my breath, trying to quiet my mind.

    Hope you find peace and calm soon. Sending you my best.


  • Morgan

    December 1, 2009 |

    I love you. And Rescue Remedy.

  • Quincifer

    December 1, 2009 |

    I love the jeans in this one.

    I live for lavender oil – its fantastic for relaxation. Put a couple of drops in a nice hot bath, or to help you sleep better put a couple of drops inside your pillow. Natural is always best, and you aren’t putting anything in your body.
    Also, with the night starting to draw in – start resorting to more candle light (its much more calming) and try to snuggle up with a blanket and hot drink once or twice a week. Repetitive comfort is very helpful.


  • duckalicious

    December 1, 2009 |

    check out cipralex (escitalopram) as well, it can be quite helpful + you don’t get hooked on it. hope you feel better soon!

  • erin

    December 1, 2009 |

    i totally feel your pain. i used to have horrible anxiety, coupled with the occasional panic attack – but then i went on lexapro & my life is so much better. i only take 5 milligrams a day, which isn’t even a “treatable dosage”, most doctors start you on 20 milligrams. i’m super sensitive though, so i realized that i only need a tiny bit to feel much better.

    totally with you on the weed, i never can smoke unless i’m not anxious, or it give me a full blown panic attack that lasts until it wears off… LAME. my fiance smokes it & feels calm & relaxed, i wish!

    i hope everything levels out soon for you! i’ve been reading your blog for a year, i <3 it. 🙂

  • April

    December 1, 2009 |

    Thank you so much for being so raw & honest today. I am so glad to know I’m not the only one who deals with this. Although, I do have a child, so that is not one of my triggers – it’s such a blessing to know that someone who seems to have it all together – like you do – can have the same problems I do. I also tried Effexor first & IT. WAS. AWFUL. I am now on Zoloft & it has worked wonderfully. I usually will not take meds for ANYTHING {well, minus BC & the OCCASIONAL Advil} & this pill has not bothered me. I also have IBS & this has not affected it either. Thank you, so much again. After being on it for 6months without telling anyone, today I don’t feel so ashamed. Praying for your peace & happiness 🙂
    P.S. Could this have BEEN a longer comment?? Sorry!

  • Sluff

    December 1, 2009 |

    Marijuana for anxiety!?! Thats soooo weird because I smoked a few times back in high school & everytime it gave me HORRIBLE panic attacks! Effexor was HORRIBLE for me. It turned me into this monster. I realized I had to get off of it when I kicked a huge hole in my door haha. Now i’ve learned that medicine only drugs you so much that you don’t know you have depression/anxiety. When you’re having anxiety – take control… realize that its anxiety. Say to yourself “This is just anxiety”. When you see it as a thing instead of a state of mind, its really easy to just throw it away.

  • Lawgirl

    December 1, 2009 |

    I cannot live without my Paxil. I’ve tried to, but I know now that it’s all chemical and I lack some of the chemicals that others have. It’s as simple as that.

    As someone who is unable to have kids and also choosing not to, I want you to know that your value as a woman has nothing to do with whether or not you produce a child. I know that society makes it feel that way – the world is geared toward parents and their kids. But I have more friends who are not having kids than are.

    I also know that you want kids. There are so many ways to have them when your own body does not cooperate – surrogacy, adoption. If you want to be a mom, there is nothing that can stop you.

    I love your site, Maegan, and you have so much to offer. Don’t let yourself be defined by one thing. 🙂

  • BAM

    December 1, 2009 |

    Maegan: I wish I could offer up some fantastically helpful advice, but I don’t have any.

    A lot of us go through these periods and you’ll get out too. It might take some testing and frustrating experiences, but you’ll pull out of it! Just know that you aren’t alone.

    Thinking of you,

  • Jac

    December 1, 2009 |

    My sister started seeing a psychiatrist about 8 months ago for an assortment of issues. While she still has her moments being able to talk to him has really helped her release some of the tension and stress that was building up and causing her to explode. She wouldn’t miss her weekly appointment even if her legs were broken and she had to crawl across NYC to get there. Beyond the medication he prescribes I think a large part of it is being able to talk to him about anything and not worry about it affecting their relationship. She can argue with him, bounce ideas of his head, and discuss her personal relationships while knowing that what she says will not come up for discussion at a family dinner two weeks later. Having someone that you can say anything too and knowing it will be kept confidential is extremely cathartic. Of course the hard part is finding someone you click with. I think my sister went to three other doctors before she found success. I hope you are able to find someone quickly and I will pray that you find peace in your life.

  • ~alison

    December 1, 2009 |

    Well, you know my trials with meds. I would suggest Lexapro over all because from my personal experience and friends – there are low side effects to coming off the drug. Cymbalta was a bitch to come off of! But was great while I was on it. I tried quite a few and Effexor was the worst for me.
    I think a psychiatrist is excellent for the med portion, but as far as therapy…they seem to suck…not a great bedside manner. I think Cog B would be a great method of treatment for you and it works really well with anxiety…I tihnk you would like it best. But of course, you will know best.
    I know of a really experienced Cog B therapist that specializes in anxiety disorders…if you want her name. I have a friend who goes to her and loves her.
    We can talk more when we hang this weekend. Big hugs! I’m sorry the anxiety is back.

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    Ditto I am agoraphobic and suffer from panic disorder. It has been great for the past 18 months or so. The last 3-4 weeks it has been horrible, I had to walk out of the grocery store last week because I couldn’t take it. I haven’t resorted to medication yet, and because we are trying to get pregnant I am being careful what I take.

    After some research I think my condition has been aggravated by the meds they just put me on. I have PCOS and I’m on diabetic drugs as PCOS affects insulin. Blood sugar levels can affect panic disorder, and anxiety.

    Likely not your issue just know that you are not alone, and no one knows your symptoms like you do.

    I know it is hard for those who don’t have anxiety to understand.

  • Angie

    December 1, 2009 |

    you always keep it real and that’s why I read your blog….

    Ok, I take Lexapro and now and then I take Lorazapam (Xanax). Lexapro for me has worked better than Zoloft and Effexor…coming off Effexor was horrible and produced tons of bad headaches…I quit cold turkey and you aren’t supposed to do that…duh.

    This is just me, but I found a great counselor/therapist/whatever going to a university-type hospital in my area…the treatment and care again IMO is cutting edge. I found doctors at these types of hospitals really want to get down to what is really going on. You might check out in your area UCLA and look for a psychotherapist (no offense, that’s just what they are called). Good luck to you. Post when you feel it and don’t do it because you think we all expect it.

  • Recruiter Girl

    December 1, 2009 |

    After the suicide of my fiance I started down a scary road and ended up with terrible anxiety and depression that has haunted me for almost 6 years. It comes and goes. You name the med, I have probably tried it at some point. The bottom line, in my opinion, is you gotta feel it to heal it. Find a therapist to talk to, take the meds if you need them and try and work through it. I’m not on meds now, but there are days I wish I was. I am a firm believer in Tylenol pm an hour before bed. Running will help your clear your head as well. There is no textbook answer to this, you have to find what works for you. I wish you peace, please take care of yourself.

  • Susan

    December 1, 2009 |

    Sorry to hear your not well, I’ve managed to get my anxiety/depression under control by having a good therapist and getting good sleep and the way to good sleep was exercise, good food (no junk food not much sugar and cut down on preservatives).

    The whole food/exercise combo really worked for me because the fitter I got the less I stressed about things like body image and peoples perception of me and that helped me work on everything else and come through the other side of it all.

    Can only hope you can find the same balance and what works for you.

    Good luck and take care.

  • Cynthia @

    December 1, 2009 |

    I love the outfit! I’m sorry I can’t offer any suggestions with the anxiety other than yoga and deep breathing. I really hope you find peace. Maybe a vacation?

  • JINX

    December 1, 2009 |

    this outfit is so well put to together…

  • Judith Westerfield

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m a psychotherapist, hpnotherapist and treat a LOT of anxiety.
    Here’s the the easiest, no cost, always availble, effective techniques you can use until you find the appropriate medical treatment:

    1. Eyes open, through your nose, take a deep breath
    2.Hold it for a second before very GENTLY releasing it (through nose)
    3. As you release the breath, relax in any way that’s right for you AND as you relax . .
    4. Say silently. Thank you brain, I’m safe.
    5. “Sprinkle” the breath/I’m safe cue throughout your day and evening.
    Have something to remind you to do this — everytime the phone rings, wear your watch on the wrong wrist and when it annoys you – BREATHE/Safe.

    The purpose of anxiety is to keep us out of harms way. Our brains don’t know when we are actually in danger or when it is perceived danger (through thoughts or outside cues – ex: a scary movie)
    So you can give your brain the SAFE thought cue and it will begin to stop manufacturing the neurochemistry of anxiety). It won’t instantly work. I’ve taught hundreds of clients this technique.

    Technique for better sleep:
    Before you go to bed write down EVERYTHING that is upsetting, worrying, annoying, angering you. Don’t edit out what you consider “petty” things. Empty your brain on paper. Go to bed if your thoughts are still racing, write more — even if you are repeating. Same thing if you wake in the night – WRITE. Do this for about 4 nights.

    You can check out my credentials: (Max is my dog) or or my creative expression blog:
    If you have questions, e-mail me:

  • anotherfishinthesea

    December 1, 2009 |

    I’m so sorry your feeling so anxious – that is the worst feeling in the world. One night of anxious, no good for sleepydom and I am pretty shot for the week. I don’t have any fabulous advice other than finding someone professional who you also have camraderie with never can hurt. Sending warm thoughts your way, I hope things look up soon!
    And ps. you look so classic and gorgeous!

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    Hey girl:)
    I have been battling with depression the past 3 years and finally managed to overcome my anxiety and stress thanks to madication. Antidepressanst won’t sedate u and won’t make u feel always good about yourself but they will certainly help u clear up your mind and get your lifeback on track.
    You are not insane ,just going through a rough patch that’s all:)
    Imo see a real doctor(psychiatrist) and also see a fertility doctor coz it seems to get your down so much,, I’m pretty sure everything will be fine in the end and this will seem like a bad dream.

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    are you crazy?? you really should try to see a doctor, someone to talk to, to tell about your problems, to help you with your difficulties to get pregnant if that is what is worring you…

    instead you’re looking for the easy way.. drugs! and you’re telling this in a blog, something so personal for everyone to read… maybe some girl is reading this and you’re not a very good role model for her… show some responsability, please.

  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    here in Europe doctors don’t prescribe drugs so easily… thank god

  • drollgirl

    December 1, 2009 |

    the anxiety and no-sleeping thing is just awful. i hope you find a way to get a handle on it. i am so sorry. sometimes life seems a lot harder than it should be, but i know there MUST be a way for you to feel better. there just has to be. hang in there, and seeing a shrink might be a good start. maybe it is worth a try.

  • Nessa

    December 1, 2009 |

    Been there and done that with the medication, the feelings, the anxiety and depression..the everything. I still have SO much that haunts me today but i just try natural herbs and medicines/vitamins etc.. and just keeping my focus on the positive and happy spots and work towards them day by day. Im so sorry. 🙁

  • Rhi

    December 1, 2009 |

    I had teh exact same thing happen to me. Depression from my Grandfathers death that turned to anxiety and annoyance with everyone. I went on Lexapro and then Citalopram. I cant say they are for everyone but they worked well for me.

    Also OTC I use Benedryl, kinda silly but when I am wired and anxious it brings me down a bit and allows me to mellow. It doesnt make me sleepy.


  • Anonymous

    December 1, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan! You are such a brave and strong woman! I have crazy anxiety and feel that I too medicate without fishing out the real problem…I give myself so long before I go running down the street myself! I also have an extremely sensitive stomach and some pills I have tried have had that “panic immediately” feeling that scares me to death. About a year and a half ago I tried citalopram, starting at 10mgs then after about 2 weeks up to 20mgs and have been there ever since. Honestly, I have crummy days but nothing like I felt before. Good luck Maegan and thanks for sharing your gorgeous outfits along with your heartfelt moments 🙂

  • Hanako66

    December 1, 2009 |

    i know that this sounds crazy (and even more so coming from me who takes tylenol pm to sleep at night and has had a constant tightness in her chest for over a week), but my sister in law was prescribed xanax at 16 for anxiety. when she was 19, my mother in law took her to a homeopathic type lady in orange who used a series of crystals to see if she had any allergies, etc. turns out, this lady said that she had a gluten/wheat allergy that was small enough not to be detected previously. she cut the wheat out and has been off meds and happy for 2 1/2 years. weird, but effective.

    on another note, it’s not affecting your looks:)

    i wish i could borrow that coat for my trip to dc!

  • The Fabulous Gloria Blackwell

    December 1, 2009 |

    Don’t let one bad therapist scare you off…there are mediocre therapists (and bad ones) but there are also really good ones. I had kind of a depression/anxiety melt down a few years ago and first went to a psychiatrist (MD) who prescribed the right Meds for me; she also referred me to some good therapists. After three years, I have come a long way. Still have blue feelings and anxiety but I feel likes I have control over it which is a really liberating feeling.

    Just do something! Don’t try to over-analyze what you are going to do…you will find the right answer eventually but you need to take the first step.

    Good luck and God bless!

  • Felicia

    December 1, 2009 |

    Ugh, I’m sorry you’re having anxiety. I used to have anxiety attacks and it’s seriously the worst. I also don’t do meds. I think I may have outgrown anxiety, but I still suffer from depression amongst other things. I know writing and going to therapy help me. And honestly, it’s really all a mind game. Meditation is important too. I often tell myself that I am so fortunate to have what I have and not to take anything for granted. It really just helps your state of mind.

    If that doesn’t work, order a pizza, get some ice cream and crank up some Hall & Oates.

  • Shannon

    December 1, 2009 |

    hi maegan,
    as a loyal follower of your blog and a mental health professional, i’m glad to see you at least *considering* seeing a therapist after your past experiences. i agree with your decision to see a psychiatrist vs. your normal internal physician, as psychiatrists are more informed about prescriptions, side effects, and other forms of therapy apart from prescription drugs to supplement your treatment.

    i agree with other commenters – sometimes it takes a few therapists to find one you really click with. but when you do, it’s like magic. the relief and self-empowerment you receive when you find the right therapist is truly worth the work.

    run, don’t walk. you are doing something to help yourself and better yourself – most people never get there. good luck, and please feel free to email me with any questions 🙂

  • Kara

    December 2, 2009 |

    Hi doll! So being a future marriage and family therapist I have to suggest trying not just meds (or even meds at all) but some individual (and/or marital if necessary) therapy. Sometimes working out the demons can be far more effective than squashing ’em down with medication. That being said, meds are helpful too.

    Look for a good marriage and family therapist for therapy, and he/she will be able to refer you to a psychiatrist for the right medication. Best of luck!!!

  • chicfeed

    December 2, 2009 |

    call me old fashioned, but i’ve basically eliminated my anxiety by making sure i eat three square meals a day and getting at least 30 minutes of exercise. it also helps to get daily social interaction and to set goals for yourself.

  • missDTM

    December 2, 2009 |

    fantastic outfit (as usual).

    i hope you’re able to talk to a doctor soon about your anxiety…i have to admit that the past couple of weeks/months, i have also been suffering with anxiety over some random stuff i just shouldn’t be worrying about but i can’t help. after having a meltdown a few times and talking it over with my bf, i was able to sleep again (although my anxiety is on my mind sometimes). i have thought about talking to a doctor…then resorted to just writing. and now i do a mix of writing, crocheting and drawing to help me deal. it’s been working!

    good luck…

  • thelady

    December 2, 2009 |

    I love how your blog covers fashion and then you get really deep and honest with your life. That’s why you’re so popular! I agree with someone else in saying: just take a step. Don’t worry about if it’s the right one, or if it will be the “magic bullet”, just taking the action is all you need to do today. Try another therapist, talk to others about recommendations, and see where that goes. Sometimes good therapists have recommendations for a psychiatrist for the meds. Some friends I know see both, because they need both the CB and the meds. But all you need to do is try something and then let that path open before you: action will make you feel better, don’t worryright now about the results. Hugs n stuff!

  • Summer

    December 2, 2009 |

    Oh my love, I feel your pain….oh how I feel your pain!

    All I can say is that I avoided the PDoc for the longest time, but my life changed when I finally swallowed my pride and went.

    I’m telling you that I am on the lowest dose of Lexapro and it’s been two years and I’m completely anxiety and depression free. I still have my ups and downs but they’re on the level everybody else is dealing with them.

    I’m always here for you sweet thing…you know where to find me.


  • Nina

    December 2, 2009 |

    i am in tears right now because like yourself I also deal w anxiety & occassional panic attacks…being able to openly talk about it is so important & to see you do it along w rest of your readers actually made me feel normal cause sometimes i feel like noone understnds… I was originally taking cipralex not b/c i was depressed but b/c it helped with serotonin levels & serotonin gets low you tipically get depressed/anxity sometimes due to season change..its helped me along with alprazolam which i only take when things get really out of control..its small dosage, it works & not addictive, i do recommend it…another thing that help is light therapy, check out, its quite effective, portable & when things go downhill its with me at work on my desk..good luck & thx for your amazing post!we’ll get thru it :-0

  • stacy

    December 2, 2009 |

    oh maegan – i feel for you so much.

    while you already share so much with us that i understand you need to keep some things personal, but i can’t help but wonder why you’re opposed to IVF.

    your story is so similar to my sister’s and i have to tell you that her life has done a 180 since having baby evan thru IVF.

    and / or why not begin the adoption process. i know you have plans to one day – why not make that day today.

    you want to be a mom, i almost think you NEED to be a mom… so be a mom! the world need more moms like you.

    also, loved the piece you wrote for ELLE. very well said.

  • Leslie

    December 2, 2009 |

    I’m so sorry to hear about your depression and anxiety. I have no good advice to offer you, but I can only echo what a previous poster said about there being a big difference between a therapist and a good therapist. I had a good one, and seeing her made a huge difference in my life.

    I love your jeans! But I can’t afford to spend that much money on a pair. Do you know where I could find some of that brand for much less expensive?

  • retro reva

    December 2, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan! I too spend alot of my life fighting dep. or anxiety-my shrink says i have adhd, another says i’m bi-polar! another say dysthmia. i do enjoy my bouts of mania as i have alot of energy and creativity, but the flip side is depression. i take Remeron at night along with diazepam as needed. i do sleep alot, but my awake time is more quality. I don’t tolerate meds. well either. I’m by no means a doctor,but have been through this for a long time. If u want more info, just leave a comment on my blog and i cam e-mail u. take care, you are so important to this nutty world! Reva,

  • Ann

    December 2, 2009 |

    Aw darlin’ beautiful woman! My heart goes out to you in every way.

    Well, like in all things, you’ve already received some great advice…and some not so great advice too. Rest assured that somewhere in there is your answer.

    My bach. degree is in nursing. First of all, if you haven’t had full blood work done since the anxiety/symptoms have skyrocketed, you absolutely must – blood count, chem panel, thyroid, the whole works – you must at least rule out a chemical/organic cause…even if/when there is a history of depression and/or anxiety.

    I have a history (due to childhood events, unfortunately) of dysthymia/depression and PTSD; toss in some anxiety too. A talented therapist can be a miracle – and so can medication if your brain chemistry has gone astray, the chances of which is so markedly increased when there is already a history of one or more major depressions (or, even minor).

    Really, the most important thing after ruling out something chemical/organic etcetera is to find 1) a good psychiatrist who truly understands how to manage medications AND who can DIAGNOSE what is occurring here (anxiety, depression, both, something else?) and 2) a psychologist (I prefer PhD level or Masters, at the least) for “talk therapy” / pulling at the threads at the real core issues that are hurting you and affecting your life.

    It WILL get better, lovely girl, TRUST ME on that.

    You’re beautiful, inside and out, for having the courage and honesty in posting about your feelings. What an amazing human being you are…I’m humbled and think you’re quite incredible.


  • Andrea

    December 2, 2009 |

    Oh I hope you do consider what I have to say.

    I have been battling severe, debilitating anxiety since I was about 7 years old. I cried every day of 2nd grade. I wouldn’t talk to anyone except my family, and I rarely got more than 3-4 hours of sleep. In high-school I usually went to be around 3-4am and got up at 5:45. It was pure hell.

    Then I was given Amitriptyline to help me sleep, 25mg on my first rx. I have never felt better in my life. It is a med primarily used to treat depression and anxiety, but is used for many other symptoms, one being insomnia (which obviously exacerbates the previous two). It’s used in doses from about 10mg to 150mg usually, so 25mg is relatively small.

    After sleeping for 14 hours of the deepest, most restful sleep I’ve ever had, my dad had to shake me like crazy to wake me up. I ended up being taken down to 10 mg and cut them in half sometimes. And even then, because I was sleeping so great, I wasn’t as “on edge” the following day, so I didn’t need to take it every day. Usually just every other day.

    I too hate taking medications. I react very strongly. I am especially scared after a dose of prednisone for my asthma had me going crazy and hallucinating. I woke up washing my face one night and then on my computer later that same night.

    I think that this med could be a good thing to try since you can get it in such small doses. Even if it just helps you sleep, it will help the other symptoms so much.

  • Anonymous

    December 2, 2009 |

    So do you notice how many of us women sufer from this. I am on 10 mg of lexapro. I have gotten off of it twice and then went back to it. It seems to even out my life. I look at it like this if we were diabatic or had some other illness we would take our medicine for that to get better, so I take Lexapro to stay better. It works for me.

  • Melissa

    December 2, 2009 |


    I am a major fan of your website and after readind your post I wanted to say i have related to what you are going through.

    I had so much stress and anxiety in my life i gave myself a stomach ulcer. I recently attended The Landmark Forum and after three days i now sleep a full night, my ulcer is all good and all my stress has gone.

    I finally have taken control and responsibility in my life and would reccomend for anyone who has an area in their life where you are not fully expressive to take this course as it will change your life! There is a website so you can check it out but i cannot put into words how much this course has helped me to get my life back and give me the tools to create any possibility i want!

    Mel xo

  • Denis

    December 2, 2009 |

    Dear Maegan:
    I suffered from clinical/chemical depression for years, refusing to take meds for very long and insisting on getting a handle on it. It never lasted and sometimes things got very scary.
    I finally admitted that I had an illness and that it couldn’t be ‘thought away’ or ‘talked away’.
    After way too many therapist visits I made the decision to accept that I am ill, and that, like a diabetic, it can be controlled with medication.
    I have been of Effexor XR for eight years and I live a very good and normal life. I am sad when it is normal to be so, happy when called for, and quite stable.
    This is the best decision I could ever have made for myself, my husband,my family and my friends.

    God speed in your quest for health.


  • Nicole Smith

    December 2, 2009 |

    I’m sorry you are going through this! Can you get away for a few days? Go to the countryside with your man? Sometimes removing yourself from the routine can help.

  • Anonymous

    December 2, 2009 |

    I’ve found vitamins & supplements to be an amazing alternative to medications! Super-B complex is amazing for stress…. Fish oil is a great mood lifter. Magnesium & Niacinamide are like Xanax. Best of luck 🙂

  • Anonymous

    December 2, 2009 |

    I can completely relate to what you’re saying! I’ve been on 20mg of Lexapro for awhile (10 mg is worthless) and it has helped greatly with reducing my anxiety, nightmares, and sleeplessness. I take it at night an hour before bed, and I haven’t had a bad or sleepless night in a long time. I however get freaked out about medication and having to be on them to fix a problem I’m having so I started therapy a few weeks ago. I’m lucky and my therapist is great and really listens. She’s taught me a few anxiety lessening techniques and they’ve helped me greatly. I’m hoping to come off of medication soon but i DO absolutely recommend it to you.

  • JAG

    December 2, 2009 |

    I just read your post and wanted to say two things….well i might throw in a few more. But first, thank you for sharing your story/life. It can’t be easy to do. But know that it makes others not feel so alone. Second, I’m sorry. I remember studying in college in a psych class about the success of therapy. And the studies all indicated that a lot of success comes from having rapport with the therapist….and that means finding a good one, one you trust! I know that is way easier said than done, probably harder than the work in therapy itself …. and I guess I just wanted to encourage you to keep looking.

    PS – you still manage to look stunning. Kudos!!! PPS – I think those are my fave jeans.

  • Erica

    December 2, 2009 |

    The only medicine I can suggest for you is, God.
    I’ll be praying for you.

    Great hair!

  • Lisa

    December 2, 2009 |

    Stay strong! I want to echo what JAG said, thank you for sharing your life with us and I hope you can find a solution for your anxiety. You look gorgeous in the pictures!

  • Petit Chéri

    December 2, 2009 |

    Hello from Bangkok! First I gotta say that I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I’m loving it. So sorry to hear about your problems but you’re not alone though. I’ve been having them as well. If you’re not keen on medication then I suggest you cut back on carbs and sugar. they make you feel depressed. Go to the gym and exercise and take some multi – B vitamins. If you have problem sleeping at night, St. John’s wort will help.

    Hope you’ll feel better soon 🙂

  • monkeytoes

    December 2, 2009 |

    OMG Megan,, i truly hope that you are getting better already by now or real soon if you haven’t. if I may suggest you tell your problem to your beloved one, don’t handle your problem alone.. xo

  • Sha

    December 2, 2009 |

    Nice blog ! <3

  • Powdercrush

    December 2, 2009 |

    Hey. I have IBS and am very sensitive to any form of medication. I can suffer from bouts of depression, usually after a traumatic experienc, and have found that Lexapro (that is the drug’s name in Ireland) is very good. I go on half the recommended dose for a 6 month stint and it just makes life normal again. I have no problems coming off it either. I tried a few different therapists and found one that worked for me. I only visited her for a few months but it really helped. I hope this helps.

  • Nicole

    December 2, 2009 |

    oh dear, meagan… i feel so sorry for you.

    you might want to look into the work of gabriel cousens m.d. before you get yourself on medication (and all that comes with that).

    he wrote a fantastic book on getting out of depression the natural way via adjusting diet and lifestyle (depression-free for life). please check it out, this guy is fabulous.
    love. nicole

  • Anonymous

    December 2, 2009 |

    I just love your blog – this mix of fashion and honesty about real life issues is just so refreshing. I’m a long-time lurker (is that the right word?) of your fabulous blog and also dealing with anxiety (and fashion ;-)).

    On the outside, I’m this 30-something European woman, happily married, with an exciting career – but on the inside there is so much anxiety. Only closest friends and family know about it since I’m always afraid it could destroy my career (which is why I comment anonym.).

    I have suffered from anx since 2003 and have since tried everything that is out there (medication, diff. therapies, vit. supplements etc. etc.). When the anx symptoms became worse again 2 months ago I again want on the search for the right approach – and this time I finally found the right thing for me. I’m not saying my anx has disappeared magically overnight, but I found a way to approach my inner struggles (esp this feeling to get overwhelmed by my thougts) that helps me tremendously: ACT – acceptance and commitment therapy. It is the “third wave” of behavioural therapy, which unfortunately has not reached Europe yet, which is why all the therapists I worked with in the past were not really able to help me. What opened my eyes was a book: “How to get out of your mind and into your life” by Steven C. Hayes. I’m now working on my inner struggles based on this book (and others on ACT) supported by a therapist (I finally found one that had at least heard of ACT and is very interested in this new development and starts now to get training in it).

    So, to cut a long story short:
    On working with a psychotherapist – I can highly recommend that, BUT be aware that there are many therapists who are not trained in all the methods that are out there (like ACT, which is highly researched and backed up by clinical studies in the US but still –at least in my European country- is hardly known). So, even if you “click” with a therapist (that is of course also a must), do your own research and discuss with the therapist specifically with what approach (s)he plans to work. I highly recommend to look into ACT – it is helping me so tremendously.

    On medication – my tip would be not to take any, if you do not want to stay on them for the rest of your life (and esp. if you consider getting pregnant as you cannot take them during pregnancy) and if you’re are stable enough and willing to start working with your issues with a therapist or just with a self-help book (again I really, really recommend Hayes – it just made so much sense to me). I had experiences with antidepressants and benzos – overall, they might help you in the short-run, but they will not erase or solve your inner struggles. So there will come a time where you ultimately will have to face and deal with your pain (anx., depr.) anyway. Better do it now and skip the whole medication part (I could tell you about some really, really nasty side effects or about my struggle to get rid of them … I get rid of all meds one year ago), if you have the chance (i.e. the strength, the support of family, not a difficult job situation etc.) to confront your pain without it.

    I send you my best wishes from the far faraway European city. It is so good to know that I’m not the only one who seems “to have it all together” while she is struggling so hard on the inside. Thank you so much for your honest post.

  • janettaylor

    December 2, 2009 |

    U look so divine! Simply but really chic!

    P.S.: Check out my newer giveaway! (if U have a mood) Are you ready a winter party, Honey? 😀 Enter!


  • Gillian

    December 2, 2009 |

    I am SO with you, and this post almost made me cry. I have been going through anxiety since I was 12, and I just can’t take it anymore. The shaking, the sweating, the agoraphobia, they’re all just eating away. You look a hell of a lot better than I do, though! I’ve been in sweatpants for the past 5 months.

  • daisychain

    December 2, 2009 |

    I’m really sorry your struggling a lot with anxiety and depression lately
    (and more sorry I don’t have anything wise to add, only “I relate”)

    I adore your jeans

    <3 Hang in there

  • Anonymous

    December 2, 2009 |

    NO drugs, Maegan. The problem is clear and I’ve read your blog before where you say you cannot get pregnant. No lexapro, prozac etc is going to help you with that. It’ll only mask it. The real reason behind all of your anxiety, depression…is the fact that THIS is something you can’t seem to control – and that’s having a baby.

    My suggestion is to keep busy. Keep a full schedule, everyday. If your mind is busy with other things, it’ll give you a break when you need one. Also, I’ve never read if you tried alternative methods..? It’s another struggle, I know..but the chances are good. Ever thought of adopting? Maybe volunteer or get a job working with children. Since the real reason behind all of this, I believe, is your struggle with getting pregnant, working with kids and being around them might help. Underpriveledged kids… babies… I’ve read that you only work 3 days a week, right? It leaves you too much ‘free time’ – not good for an anxious mind!!

    I really believe doctors here are too quick to medicate.. people want to feel better NOW and a drug relieves the anxiety without solving it..making the chances to it coming back greater.

    Crossing my fingers for you.

  • Nefertiti,deesse NiLuNoah adoratrice d Aton

    December 2, 2009 |

    tu es superbe !

  • Irene

    December 2, 2009 |

    I can totally relate to what you are going through because I have been there. Before heading further down the road of prescription meds that may or may not address the root cause of your anxiety I highly highly recommend seeking out a licensed Naturopathic Doctor (ND) in your area. They will focus on treating you – the whole person – as opposed to your symptoms using safe, natural therapies with limited (if any) side effects. It would be an added bonus if that ND were well versed in homeopathy, as well.

    Go to if you are inspired to do so where you can find a local doc that resonates with you; and LISTENS to you! This is literally the best medical care out there, IMHO. You can also visit in order to learn more about this approach to healing.

    So for full disclosure’s sake, not only am I an ND, but I come from a family of MD’s and know firsthand about the quality of care that is sadly the standard in the conventional medical system. Best of luck to you!

    Dr. Irene Valencia, ND
    Santa Cruz, CA

    PS: I really enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work!

  • Chrissie

    December 2, 2009 |

    I have used about everything to control major anxiety disorder, and the magic combo for me was 60mg of Cymbalta combined with 2.5mg of Klonopin twice a day. The Cymbalta really helped with the anxiety, and the Klonopin helps me sleep. Good luck…I know how awful it is to suffer with this problem.

  • Kellie

    December 2, 2009 |

    Your therapist fell asleep on you? WTF? Obviously won’t be going back to that one! 🙂 Sorry I’m no help in this department. But I’ll let you know that you are pulling it off and are still looking fabulous! 🙂

  • BAM

    December 2, 2009 |

    I think from this post & the followup comments it’s pretty clear that you hit a personal nerve with your readers.

    We’re rooting for you and truly wish you the best!


  • Fabulous Finds Gal

    December 2, 2009 |

    Oh you poor thing. Well, you do look absolutely amazing in that vintage coat and Tom Ford glasses. Maybe I could cheer you up today with a little award over at my place? Come and get it…

    Fabulous Finds Gal


    December 2, 2009 |


    Leo tu blog desde hace algún tiempo y me encanta.
    Sólo quería darte mi apoyo, hasta hace muy poco mi marido tambien ha estado con ataques de ansiedad (con tratamiento durante un año), por suerte ya le han dado el alta.. aunque sigo pendiente por si recae.
    Todo se supera, de eso estoy segura… además se nota que tu marido te apoya.

    Animo guapa!!

  • josephine

    December 2, 2009 |

    I don’t really have any advice, but good luck with everything! <3

  • Anonymous

    December 2, 2009 |

    Weird…my comment isn’t here today. I hope it wasn’t deleted. I didn’t say anything negative and I was quite encouraging.

  • Nicole

    December 3, 2009 |

    I had anxiety problems and panic attacks for two years in college and learned to manage them for a couple of years before “depression” became a problem.

    After a long battle of trying to figure out the problem, I cut gluten out of my diet and changed pretty much instantly.

    I was finally happy and alert and no longer felt tired all the time or “bitchy”. The change was like night and day.

    It’s super easy and fast to try too. I did three days of eating nothing but fruit to “cleanse” and then started eating without wheat products or gluten and by the end of the week could tell the difference.
    Regardless of what you find that works, good luck. Thank you for sharing in your amazing blog.

  • Angela

    December 3, 2009 |

    Praying for you. Which is nothing new.

    Okay, maybe this isn’t the place to post this… but… have you had your hormones checked? I struggled with some depression a few years back, and it turns out my hormones were out of whack. I just needed a little extra estrogen-kick. (Okay, totally tmi for here. But, I have no shame.) And, if your doctor thinks an anti-depressant would help, remember that sometimes you only need them for a season while things get regular again. You can’t will your way through a chemical imbalance. And, yes, things can push you over the edge. But, if you’re body is off kilter, you go over the edge much easier than if it isn’t.

  • The Little Jewelry Box

    December 3, 2009 |

    Hi Megan,

    I suffered from terrible anxiety from August 2006-May 2007. I couldn’t sleep, and I literally felt like I was being pulled out of reality when the attacks would come on. I had three that were so terrible I had my husband drive me the ER. I was throwing up the whole ride there..I think it was the only thing that would get some of the excess adrenaline out of my system. They gave me Ativan as well for the times intense attacks would come on, and I was prescribed Zoloft for everyday. I HATE medicine so I feel your concern. I came off Zoloft in May so I think I was on it about 10 months. Coming off of it was incredibly hard, but I have never had any attacks since that point (KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD YOU CAN FIND!!!) So, I have to say the medicine did seem to “pull me back down to normal.” That statment probably only makes sense to people who have had anxiety attacks. So perhaps a small does of Zoloft with the Ativan for emergencies only. Then, when your mind feels so calm and back to “normal” slowly come off the medication and try again. I think I will always have a worried and axious nature- but the 10 months of medicine really helped re-train my brain..I think :). I wish you all the luck in the world. I truly woudn’t wish anxiet on my worst enemy. It’s just terrible. You will get past this and get back on track! Just believe you can:).

  • Anonymous

    December 3, 2009 |

    Have you had your thyroid checked?

    3 yrs ago, I felt like I could crawl out of my skin if I wasn’t so exhausted. Waking up every couple hours during the night, paired with extreme anxiety, made me feel like I was going off the deep end. I did eat properly and gave up most caffeine but I still wasn’t right with myself. Turned out I was hyperthyroid.

    Also, regarding infertility, pregnancy and births of others will play havoc on your emotions. You want/are truly happy for them, but why “can’t” it be you. For years I dealt with this by cursing my ovaries. Whether it’s swearing, meds or something else, you need to release negative emotions somehow. Mourning does help. And chocolate…lots… Just not before bed.

    Take care and investigate possible options. Remember your husband loves you no matter what.


  • Anonymous

    December 3, 2009 |

    I’m a glass half-empty type, always have been. I over think, over analyze, and put too much assumptions & expectations into the people around me. Thinking I could find a happy balance to my mix of anxiety, depression, and overall dissatisfaction with seemingly everything over the years I’ve tried various prescriptions, varying doses, self-medicating, psychologists… After just turning 30 last month and feeling much the same as I always have, I’m starting to find that I have to be patient with myself and my life.

    Getting a non-medical grip, if you will, by embracing my emotional valleys and enjoying the peaks when they come has helped ride the ways. This LA weather is a big change, mixed with the holidays, and your niece is a lot to take in. From my short time visiting your blog (which I love) I think I can safely say that you have a wonderful husband and kick-ass taste with a great forum to express it. You’re in that funky female place that some experience more than others… Take comfort: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I think that’s what brews anxiety and depression at times; you feel like you’re the only one in it, especially because it’s your own particular emotions and issues. Though the particulars are your own, there are TONS of us that think we’re neurotic, depressed, anxious, and totally full of fruit loops!

    XO, KW

  • Elizabeth

    December 3, 2009 |

    @ “are you crazy?? you really should try to see a doctor, someone to talk to, to tell about your problems, to help you with your difficulties to get pregnant if that is what is worring you…

    instead you’re looking for the easy way.. drugs! and you’re telling this in a blog, something so personal for everyone to read… maybe some girl is reading this and you’re not a very good role model for her… show some responsability, please.” Obviously you didn’t see that the marijuana is by prescription. Also, you should do some research before you criticize someone you don’t know about something you obviously know NOTHING about. That’s irresponsible, using a medicinal herb with a prescription in a totally legal way IS NOT.

  • Anonymous

    December 3, 2009 |

    Yell it from the rooftops Melanie! I agree with you.

  • J

    December 4, 2009 |

    Re: anxiety – I’m having great success with both NAET ( to treat hormonal imbalances (basically my body not managing or responding to the proper happy hormones, like serritonin) and something called EPT, emotional polarity technique (which I couldn’t find a central website for).

  • Lacey

    December 4, 2009 |

    I cannot believe a therapist actually fell asleep in session with you!! Ugh…stories like this make me cringe because a few bad apples give the mental health field a bad name. I have a masters in clinical psychology (one year away from having my doctorate)…anxiety is the most common issue we deal with. And the great news is that we now have treatments that don’t require meds! Many of the anti-anxiety meds are highly addictive, so if you can make it without them, that’s definitely the way to go. My recommendation is to do a little research and find a reputable PSYCHOLOGIST (not a psychiatrist…psychiatrists specialize in medication and are not really trained in alternative treatments) in your area who specializes in using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to treat anxiety. CBT is a brief treatment (usually about 12 sessions) and is HIGHLY effective. It’s actually the most successful treatment for anxiety AND depression and will get to the root of the problem, rather than just serving as a band-aid like meds can do.

    Good luck sweetie!! You are fabulous and fierce and you will get through this!!

  • Heidi

    December 5, 2009 |

    I just had a similar situation – I went 2 days w/out my regular dosage of 75 mgs of Effexor and I felt so dizzy I could barely get out of bed. I REALLY want to get off this stuff bc it seems to be really awful but everything else I’ve tried has had awful side effects as well. It’s truly a horrible situation to be in. Good luck Maegan!

  • Anonymous

    December 7, 2009 |

    Hi Maegan,

    I just want to say that everyone who says “eat better” or “work out more” or “try acupuncture” has no idea what real anxiety is. Real, clinical anxiety is something you can’t think away or diet away.

    I’ve been on Paxil ever since I was hospitalized with a panic attack about 8 years ago. I tried going off a few times, but the side effects and returning anxiety would always drive me back. However, I’ve finally cut my dose in half (a small victory), but only after years and years of coming to terms with the condition. However, I still can’t sleep for shit.

    I just wanted to say thanks so much for sharing this. It’s so hard to talk about with people who don’t understand… good luck and keep us posted!

  • duckalicious

    December 7, 2009 |

    I totally agree with the person before me. Depression, anxiety etc. need to be treated with all seriousness and meds are definitely not “the easy way out” as some people obviously think. However, just the meds are not enough and I strongly doubt their effects can last long without therapy. Finding a really good therapist, now that’s another problem…
    Maegan, keep your head up, things will get so much better when you find proper treatment. Wish you all of luck!

  • myownlittleuniverse

    December 8, 2009 |

    oh man… i feel your pain with the anxiety!!! i had a serious bout of panic attacks a few years ago. it was horrible. i did not like the idea of medication either. i went on zoloft for 4 months. the first 2 weeks were the most horrible weeks. it made it worse. i couldn’t even eat. but i also did not have ANY support whatsoever at the time. after the 2 weeks, i do believe it balance me enough to get off it. after that i went to a therapist. i wish you lived in tampa, she is the BEST EVER. she really changed my thinking around and i got a grasp on why i have this. i went to therapy with her for about 4 yrs. still do now and then. i also have and continue to do other things as well, acupuncture, yoga, massage, reiki, i go to a womens group and i can talk about ANYTHING and we all relate. it’s a great support system. it’s been a long haul but i’m happy to say i rarely ever have real anxiety anymore. still some symptoms, but it’s not the same or as scary. i have a handle on it now. if you want to know any more my email is
    i just about wrote a novel here! but i just want you to know you aren’t alone in this 🙂

  • Justine

    December 9, 2009 |

    So sorry about your anxiety! I’m actually in the profession (two psychology degrees), and you should ask your doctor about what meds to use– since everyone is so different, they wont really be able to help you figure out what’s best. Panic attacks come on suddenly and are usually not because of something bad/scary that just happened… but they’re pretty common, so you’re in good company! Hope you find someone that will help you with what you need, girly!


  • chloe

    January 2, 2010 |

    sorry to hear you’ve been feeling sad/bad, i backtracked on your blog to find the beginning of the anxiety… i went through a tough time a few years ago, not only going through my own depression but dating a boy with serious issues himself. the depression kind of bonded us, it was him and me against the non-understanding world. i was devastated when he broke up with me but as my mind started clearing, i began ‘finding myeslf’ and feeling better. a year later i was dating someone new when i realised that my ex was stalking me – he eventually killed himself on the eve of my birthday that year.

    funny, ive never spoken about this online before but your words remind me of things i felt, both before he died and after.. you’re lucky to have your husband supporting you (my current bf helped me realise what a proper relationship should be) and im sure you’re stronger than you think you are. thats what i found out about myself, i hope you do too.

    wishing you all the best for the new year xxx

  • TKKerouac

    July 16, 2010 |

    Mild to Moderate depression can bring on panic attacks and anxiety and its like a vicious cycle of “what came first to feed the other”?

    a combination of “whatever it takes” to get out of these cylces is as individual as you are

    yes there are are certain triggers that can bring on the depression cycle,

    however, even knowing what the triggers are
    the fact of the matter is,
    certain people, have a inherited dispostion to both depression and anxiety disorders.
    Its about being “hard wired” for it

    All of the above remedies from your readers are good ones

    Its about finding the right combination for you

    Years ago , I would read “self talk” books like “Hope & Help for your Nerves”
    by Anne Weeks

    this was very helpful, as is exercise

    From the looks of things in your latest postings

    your anxiety seems under control now

    what brought you to this new calm?

  • euge

    December 27, 2011 |

    No se ingles, pero aqui voy igual. Mi esposo tiene ansiedad tambien, desde 2003, pero el recuerda sentirse asi incluso de niño. Visitar regularmente al psiquiatra es lo que mejor le hace, siente un red de contención que lo ayuda, esa visita semanal. Ademas esta tomando hace un año y medio escitalopram, y le hace bien. Creo que terapia y aceptación son dos claves posibles. Tratamos de pensar que es como la diabetes, la mayor parte del tiempo ni se entera, pero cada años tiene recaidas. Recuerda que para nuestro cerebro lo que se resiste, persiste. Love

  • Anonymous

    December 31, 2012 |

    I contacted Dr. Lee about my Fiance. We were engaged for two years, and dated for three. Everything in the relationship was great. One day, out of the clear blue, he tells me to put the wedding plans on hold. I suspected that he was getting nervous, possibly getting cold feet because the wedding was coming up in the next few months. Few days pass by, I found out that his ex got into the picture and was trying to ruin our relationship. When speaking with Dr. Lee, he told me I was compatible for a spell. Soon after, he helped us reunite. Contact him via

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