What I’m Wearing…
* DIY Ribbed Tank with Shoulder Bows
* Oversized khaki pants (ancient) – and maybe would be slightly cuter if the waistband was thicker/higher for this look, though I used to wear them lower on my hips… THIS was the LOOK I was kind of going for, not sure I pulled it off, but it was super comfy that’s for sure! … these pants ALSO seen here and here and here and here a hundred years ago
* Quilted backpack from Gunas NY … also seen here
* Camel wide brim hat from FashionableHats with a black band… Similar camel hat at Free People for much less.
* Leopard belt (vintage) – I linked to one I found on Amazon that is insanely cheap, which I can’t vouch for, but it looks pretty cute. And I really almost feel like I should have worn a solid black belt to tie in the hat band and banded sandals, but I wanted a little something extra… I liked it in person, and it does add something, I just still think a solid black belt would have been a better choice…. because adding a leopard bag felt like too much.
* Sunglasses are vintage
* Birkenstocks… but almost wore these slides instead from Freedom Moses. They’re basically the birk design but all in plastic and a LOT more narrow that birkenstocks as well, super comfy and more affordable ($45) and I love them, just not with this look. Sometimes you want that big chunky birkenstock look.
* Nails / Abstract French Tip Manicure with Dots
* Title: Katy Perry – Daisies (Live From American Idol Finale, May 17 2020)… Told them your dreams and they all started laughing… I guess you’re out of your mind till it actually happens.
Soooooo…. I don’t actually want to spend a lot of time on this topic because it’s annoying and I’d like to think that I am not affected by it, but like ALMOST every human, my feelings get hurt when someone is mean to me… boo hoo. Yes, I know, I’m a grown ass woman and it still hurts.
I’ve gotten very good over the last 12 years or so of blogging at dealing with hate comments and online bullies, and mostly ignoring it. I’ve definitely had a few moments of weakness over the years where something has gotten to me and made me sad or mad and maybe one time it sent me into a rage and I posted a rant about it here which of course, I regretted because I was angry and felt attacked and it was not only the very opposite way I should have handled it, but also sent a LOT of heat my way in a way I wasn’t expecting because when I called out “trolls” in a way that felt a little too specific, some people got very offended and of course, that was not my intention. Not to defend my bad behavior BUT, I was making a generality and not calling everyone out but the people who were involved, but it was obviously the wrong way to handle it. I made a mistake and I learned. We all make mistakes, we can only hope we learn and grow from them and do better the next time.
I guess during this pandemic, it’s safe to say that I am a little emotionally fragile, as I would expect most of the world is at the moment, though I cannot vouch for anyone but myself. But I, for one, am emotionally fragile, especially early in the lockdown game, and when someone decided to DM me on instagram to specifically attack my character and call me names I was totally shocked by it. And it just made me feel, well, shitty.
I was mostly shocked because in this time when almost EVERYONE seems to be coming together -apart- and just wonderfully supportive of each other and encouraging in every way, this person decided to be the exact opposite and then went on to tell me that she was just trying to be constructive. Now, of course, none of it was constructive in the least. Though sometimes it’s hard to take, I am here for constructive criticism, but attacking someone’s character and calling them names is not constructive, and again, I thought about it and it affected me for far longer than I’d like to admit, which is why I’m touching on it here.
Some people are just horrible, even if, like in this case, they have an entire instagram account dedicated to positivity, it’s obviously just a front for them to lash out and be evil to others for no apparent reason. But it’s people like that who ruin it for everyone else who is actually trying to share a positive message and maybe help someone in some little way or inspire others to do something they may never do otherwise, and when online bullies rip you apart, you add another row of bricks onto your little emotional barrier wall and probably don’t share as much as you might otherwise. It changes you in a way that feels sad because now you have an inner argument with someone who doesn’t even know you every time you want to do something that falls into that category in which they commented on. It’s also unfortunate because in those moments, you give them your energy and it feels like they’ve won, in a way.
But why do they do this in the first place? For many reasons, but the main thing to remember is that it’s their problem and not yours. Even knowing this doesn’t always make it easier to shake off, it sticks with you and that’s what’s unfortunate. If they can’t handle the way YOU are, it doesn’t mean YOU should be any different. It means that they should look at their life and ask themselves What is it about this person just being themselves that makes me so uncomfortable and upset within myself or my own life?
However, I also understand that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay too, but they can simply choose not to look at my content or follow me socially, it doesn’t mean they have to go out of their way to privately DM me to tell me exactly what they think about me… which honestly, has more to do with how they think about themselves and in the bigger picture, I cannot allow that kind of negativity to affect how I live my life or what I choose to post online. Again, in our “once-normal” world, I probably wouldn’t have even thought twice about this, but tensions are high right now and fear and anxiety and sadness and mental health is teetering on a very thin quarantine rope and on this day, this comment pushed me off of it and onto the dark side.
Interestingly enough, I listened to A Beautiful Mess podcast last week about this very topic, you can find it here : Dealing with Internet Critics and Bullying. It’s a good listen where they share personal stories of how online bullies have affected them and how they handle it.
There’s another great read on Elle.com called Motherhood Through the Looking Gram I read today thanks to Jordan Reid from Ramshackle Glam who was quoted within the article.
If you’re a person who shares online or on social media publicly, which so many of us do now, it’s possible that you have experienced some kind of mean-spirited person trying to bring you down too. I wish this wasn’t the case. I think it squelches people’s creativity in a way that actually kills not only the true spirit of the person, but the spirit of the world. When we share our stories and our true selves, it allows others to feel like they can too, even when it feels really vulnerable or scary or shameful or embarrassing. And what would the world be without human stories to inspire us to greater heights, make us feel less alone or simply to entertain us and distract us from our own life struggles?
I think the moral of the story is just to be kind, even when it’s difficult. Especially now, in these uncertain times it’s important to lift each other up instead of try to bring them down.
As humans, we occasionally have a tendency to hurt others without even realizing it. I’m sure I’ve said things that have hurt someone without even knowing, and that makes me sad. Obviously when we are angry, or trying to make a point, we say things intentionally to hurt the other person, mostly people who are close to us and we regret it later. But we also say things off the cuff that are hurtful because we don’t always understand how our words will hit and affect another human, even when we’re not motivated by malice, but when someone chooses to go out of their way to be nasty for no apparent reason at all when they could choose to be nice or say nothing at all, it tells more about their character than the words they are using to describe you. But somehow, even knowing that, doesn’t take the sting away.
I am not perfect. I have moments of weakness and jealousy and judgement and I say horrible things sometimes that I instantly regret. Sometimes emotions get the best of me and sometimes I just want to roll my eyes at something I think is ridiculous and be completely petty. I am not proud of those moments but when I become aware of the feelings, I can choose to react in a way that is more aligned to the person I want to be the next time that moment arises.
Sometimes though it’s best to remember that people are trying their best, and sometimes what may feel like a personal attack that has nothing to do with us at all, and has everything to do with what they are going through.
If you choose to look at them with empathy, it’s easier to have compassion for them and give no meaning to their words at all. And suddenly those words bounce right off of you or don’t even hit you at all.
We shot these photos last week for my DIY Bow Shoulder tank top when it was sunny and warm and wonderful outside, though of course I didn’t go anywhere, but today it’s raining and thick with fog and feels all gloomy.
The sun just makes everything better, unless of course you’re in the desert and it’s one hundred degrees and there’s no shade or water. But the sun shining now, in this time we are all living in, makes everything a little lighter and creates more opportunities to be outside, which feels glorious right now.
Happy Monday Lovecats!
It still feels weird to say but it also feels weird not to say it. Regardless of this insanity we are living through, I still hope you all have a nice Monday 🙂
* Find all my Style Posts here