Season’s change… feelings change.
For the past few weeks I’ve been struggling with sleepless nights and once the clock turns to a certain hour and I find I am still awake, panic sets in. These nighttime traumas have subsequently brought back my full blown anxiety that I haven’t seen in years now. Anxiety and panic are such scary feelings and when they consume me, I just become more fearful of everything. My thoughts go wild, make my head spine and all I want to do is hide.
I wake up in the morning and I’m not sure what to do with myself and I feel the fast energy surge inside my body and mind while still laying in bed. I pace, I try stretching and walking and drinking tension tamer tea, but it rarely works. The only thing that will surely knock it out is taking a Xanax. But the act of taking medication itself causes me anxiety, so it becomes a real battle when deciding when I think it’s “really” time to take one. And by one, I mean about .12 of a dose.
Maybe it’s the season change. Maybe I’m working too much and need to get out of the house more. What was brought on by my period this month and usually leaves with my period, has stuck around to torture me. And while I spend half the time trying to talk myself down and combat the negative words and fears swirling within my head with positive talk, I know deep down that if I can just change my thoughts, I will feel better, but it’s such a difficult task once the anxiety has taken over.
I started to write a post about it all last week but it seemed that every time I sat down to edit it, it made me more anxious writing about it. That’s the thing about it once it hits; I can’t stop worrying about “it” and when “it” will come back. And then inevitably, that thinking brings it all back again.
I often get emails from women asking how I overcame my anxiety, and I can never really bring myself to respond. Because I haven’t overcome it. It’s an ongoing issue. And just as soon as I feel like I have conquered it, it comes back with a vengeance as if to remind me that no, just like an addiction, I can never get too comfortable with it.
LeRoy, my best buddy… and the best cuddler on the planet.
Taking many MANY walks just to get out lately. Trying to get out of my head, look at the beauty around me and soak it in.
Last week’s outfit post My New Favorite {and far too expensive} Camel Coat
I’ve been trying to stay away from work and my computer and technology, even though that kind of focus really gets me out of my head, for some reason, I’m trying to find things “other” than work to really enjoy. But this makes for far fewer instagram photos. I’m hoping to find my way, get out of my head, and feel like myself again soon. Fingers crossed.
Happy Weekend Lovecats!
Hope you’re having a lovely one.
